Lesbian

My girlfriend and I couldn't decide on a name for our little baby girl. Eventually she took her to the registrar, and said she would think of something on the way. When she returned, I was frantic with anticipation. 'So what's she called?'

'I called her Lesbian,' she said, smiling at the bundle in her arms. 'It's such a pretty name.'

I asked her what on earth had possessed her. 'Don't you know what it means?' She didn't, so I explained. The poor thing burst into tears.

'I didn't know there were ladies who did that to each other,' she sobbed.

MOS (Burger)

the Ministry of Sound is decent. not as amazing as the hype and write-ups, but decent. a good place to pass time.

it would've been more fun if i weren't so skint, though. blame glarkware. blame threadless. blame CCN day. blame many other things.

blame yourself. blame the germans.

i'm being random, but trust me on this--i am not drunk. i came down from the drink while i was still inside the club, a first for me. and i actually yawned once, post-drink.

lunch today. more later.

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Packed Dinner.

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I've just realized that going to DES campus is no longer something i enjoy.

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All this talk about school irritates me to end.

There was a reason i left the mailing list.

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It's been two months since i last travelled this route.

Disappointingly, nothing has changed.

"everything in the Gilmore house was 'don't talk about it, shove it aside.' and of course, i talked about it and shoved it right in your face."

stop. i had enough, i cannot take it any more.

i just want it to stop.

i don't want it to go on any more, i just want it to stop.

i don't care how it happens. just stop.

dirty laundry (now airing)

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This is the kind of mess she makes and leaves behind, before she goes out. My comforter and pllow somehow got caught in the fray as well, despite originally being in the top left-hand corner of the bed. (yes, my pillowcase and comforter have flowers on them. that is how destitute we are.)

please also note that all this is on a bed. where people sleep in.

you know what? in hindsight, this is disgusting.

whatafool

it looks like the laser printer's gone mad. it's churned out at least ten copies of some meaningless gibberish.

but, no. it is merely my sadly uneducated and/or illogical sister. because if it doesn't work, click the Print button repeatedly until either it does work, or you give up.

i fear for the future (mine). my aunt was right. i have to break free.

the graduated

"Ryan puts Marissa down carefully and tries to wake her up. She does, and her head is bleeding and her injuries have given her a strange Kabuki face. Either that, or the makeup department doesn't apply "death mask" nearly as well as it does "Marissa glamour face." "Ryan," she says. Ryan says that he'll get help, like he always does for her. This time, she begs him: "Stay. Don't leave." Then she moans a few times, and Ryan whispers that she'll be okay and he'll stay there and neither one of them says I love you. Sucks to be you, Ryan/Marissa fans! And with that, Marissa pants a few times and dies. Ryan is shocked. He keeps calling her name, and then lets out an "oh... no." Unfortunately, his crying face looks a lot like a smile. Kind of like the smile on my face right now when Imogean Heap comes back and sings "Hallelujah!" about the fact that Marissa just bit it. We flashback to Ryan driving away from Marissa and looking back once to see her standing in front of the sunset.

Wow, what a terrible way to kill off a character. Why did they break Ryan and Marissa up if she was going to die? Why not have Marissa leave the show on the Greek cruise? I'm all for her leaving my television screen, but this was such a pointless way to do it, it just left me feeling hollow and unsatisfied. Pretty much like this show always does. So I guess it's fitting."

from televisionwithoutpity.com

yes. good recap.

two-thirds

two of them are now dead to me. congratulations, the gigantic dickhead has joined the ginormous cunt in restful peace.

all this means to me is that come Wednesday, i will basically be living in a flat three-quarters full of people i either dislike (wheelchair-enabled aunt and the maid) or hate (guess who).

in other news, apparently Taylor Hicks won American Idol. great. now can he dye his hair?

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They have arrived.

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Is there anything scarier than opening your closet, fresh from a shower, only to find this in it?

nude no more

i want my Threadless t-shirts, and i want them NOW.

sam phillips

i'm not a big fan of my siblings. not a single one of them.

if you closely, if you look enough, and if you know what to look for, you'll know why.

eternal sunshine

Mr. Blue Sky
Please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Holgas are so last year.

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The Radiotheraphy Center is depressingly nicer than any of the other clinics in this hospital i've visited. "Nicer"meaning "not fugly". It's no designer clinic, but it at least looks like some thought was put into the aesthetic nature of the place. Because clearly cancer patients need more comfort. So we give them a non-unattractive clinic and waiting area to sit in, complete with pleather sofas.

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Boost and Supernanny. the Thursday night special.

weapon of choice

Fear is the weapon that stifles dissent - Guardian Unlimited

"Registering opposition by boycotting the polls is not really an option since those who don't cast ballots face fines and having their right to vote suspended."

voting, election

on page sixteen of Upper Secondary Social Studies (Secondary 3):

Figure 3 Voting in the 1959 election
The British granted Singapore self-government after the election.
Why did the British government decide to grant self-government to Singapore?

yes. why, indeed? see the estatic woman, running through the streets in the rain after voting? that's how rare a chance to vote is, in sunny Singapore.

family = big fucking headache

my mother dug into another dig about family today.

about how you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. about how we would understand that once we have families of our own.

i stated for the record, again, that i was not interested in having a family of my own. that i do not want some woman to live with, for ever, and i do not want anything sliding out of the uterus of said woman. the biggest troubles of my life thus far have mostly been of the female gender. i am not going to have a family of my own.

she told me i cannot possibly be sure, at this age and maturity, about what i want for myself. and that she's seen people older and more matured that have gone back on things they've sworn on. then she added that if i didn't want a family of my own, i should treasure the one i've got--there isn't going to be any other.

family is not one husband, one wife, and two-point-five kids. i do not want a wife and two-point-five kids. it is, in fact, this family of one husband, one wife, and four kids that have put me off a family with a wife and two-point-five kids.

one of my biggest recent mistakes, on par with choosing to do Product & Industrial Design, is getting my aunt to take my siblings in, to have them move in with me. thus far they have mostly offered nothing but more trouble, more nagging, more ear-bending, and now, enormous pressure under which i can do nothing. they are for the most part ignorant of what it means to be living off someone else, what they should do, how they should behave, what they should say and when they should do things.

if you don't like living here, if you don't want to live here, if you don't want to abide and follow and behave and fucking clean up after your fucking selves, then move the fuck out. you have a choice. you are not being forced to live here and do things. if you choose to live here, act it. if you choose to not act fittingly, move the fuck out. at this point i can honestly say i do not care where the fuck you lot go.

worse, my "parents" have decided that since their children are humanly surviving somewhere (who cares where exactly), it is hence okay to shirk their responsibilities and either fuck off to Papua New Guinea or fuck off into a life of whatever the fuck her secret life is.

one day, when they have grown up and matured, they will see what they've done. i cannot see maturity in any member of my family, from my father to my youngest sibling. your father does not want you. your mother does not want you. what are you going to do now?

when i got them moved in, i did not know what i did. now that i know, i cannot move them back out. they, however, are completely capable of getting themseleves chased out. and one day, when i really tire of covering their backs and my own, it will happen.

i don't want to change my surname. i don't want another family.

i want to get out.

the windows experience

apparently, Microsoft Windows XP does not have built-in support for burning DVDs.

lovely.

triple-decker fish burger sandwich

there may be some mayonnaise and tomato ketchup seeped under the trackpad of my (still broken) PowerBook.

there may be. i'm not sure.

six feet under.

if you haven't asked yet, you are no longer permitted to ask.

everything ends.

GIMME FICTION

I HATE MY IPOD, I HATE ITUNES, AND I FUCKING HATE SPOON.

IF LIFE WANTS TO MAKE FUN OF ME, IT CAN GO AHEAD AND LAUGH ITS FUCKING HEAD OFF. GO ON FOR LONG ENOUGH AND I WON'T BE AROUND FOR MUCH LONGER, ANYWAY.

it's alright, baby

When I'm asleep
It gives me time to think
Thoughts that I wouldn't dare speak aloud
I couldn't bare myself before a crowd

I bide my time while biting my tongue
Hold closed my mouth so song is unsung
Get to the meat of things already
With buried secrets the ground is heavy

That's just the way things used to be
That's just the way...

Things used to be

seriously.

seriously?!

did you know...

... that iBooks don't hold in their batteries if the battery lock is not manually turned back to the locked position?

i didn't, until i lifted the iBook up just now and lost my work!

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What is this obsession with framed fruit?

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Okay.

Sunday

it's sunday.

i wonder what i'm doing today?

walk this earth alone

spending every day at the hospital is tiring. i didn't even realise it was the weekend until i noticed that there were an unusually high number of obnoxious people on the train today. my iPod confirmed that today is Saturday.

i dare any one i know to tell me that they have it worse than i do. any one.

here i am,once again

here i am, having said to myself that i must push through, trying to push through.

however i have nothing to say. i feel nothing.

it's a good thing the Avril Lavigne CDs have all been hidden away.

eta: oh, wait. an email just came in, and now i'm having an aneurysm.

i'm tired of being a waste,and i am so sick of being tired

if you're going to take a stab at how i'm feeling right now,

don't you dare get it wrong.

it's only the end of the world,not a death in the family

this is the end, now it's over. there is nothing else left to try, and there is nothing else left to do. i always thought i would break up and cry, but it seems the worst part is that i can't even seem to do just that.

when there's nothing left to burn,you have to set youself on fire.

a quick update while i have the chance.

two weeks of work set on fire start to disappear in two minutes.

after two hours, it's nothing but ash and carbon monoxide.

final count: twenty cardboard chests of offerings. i gave up keeping track of how many bin liners full of folded gold and silver taels we had at the end.

i filled my box with a Mercedes-Benz, Pensonic portable cassette player, Nokiv mobile phones, some sushi, packet drinks, some blouses (oddly enough there were no skirts or any other sort of bottoms), a pair of shoes, and a purse. the standard supply of fifty-billion dollar notes, fifty-million dollar notes and other notes of ridiculoulsy smaller denominations (five, ten, fifty) plus gold/silver bars (the silver bars had 99.9% Pure Gold in Chinese stamped on them) and folded gold and silver taels.

i loved arriving at six-thirty, the sun not yet up, the air crisp and cool, on a truck the size of a standard-length single-decker bus (the regulation sticker on the back said "41 pax") loaded with offerings that blocked up the entire section of the cemetery we were in whilst i not-so-casually unloaded everything. there were already a number of people there, but no one else had quite the bonfire we had. there were families that brought a pick-up with one cardboard chest. there were families that managed a quarter of what we burnt. not a single one quite matched us.

and that is how i spent the first twelve hours of april fool's day, year two thousand and six.

face and money. that's all it boils burns down to.
us asians are a queer lot.

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It's been so long - i've forgotten that at six am, the sun doesn't come up for another hour.

too early

it is too fucking early for me to be woken, brushed, showered, dressed, contact-lensed and ready to go.

but i am, anyway.

versus

right, because when flowers aren't good enough, she's totally going to be thrilled by and flip over a free e-card.

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Yes.

facsimile

i am sending a facsimile, from my Mac.

some things never go out of date.

03-29-06_1125

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just six of what should be at least sixteen cardboard chests.

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Dawn is out of hers.

more Mac bias

Beatles 'bigger than Steve Jobs'

it involves the Beatles, Apple, and Christians. need i say more? click!

Digital Life, Analogue Brains

the introductory paragraph to "Go legit, get less?" on page four of this week's Digital Life, an article by Alfred Siew about copy-protection technologies:

"They may sound like the lastest pop sensations, but MediaMax and XCP are not exactly boy bands. These are software programs, included on music CDs from..."

wow. i am hooked on their writing. it's like being lured by an earthworm on a rusty fishing hook. disgusting and equally painful.

and, to demostrate my Mac bias, the wonderful review for the new iMac Core Duo. which was released over two months ago.

with regard to the Mac Guy side of the article, written by "Ramesh", a "die-hard Apple geek", how does the reduced maximum RAM capacity (from 2.5GB to 2GB) affect the fact that Rosetta-translated applications are going to run slower than Universal ones? how does it relate?

with regard to the Mac Girl side of the article, written by "Mardiana Ismail", a "freelance writer (and you can see here why she isn't a full-time writer)", how can you blame the iMac for not being able to pick up the signal from your wireless router when your wireless router was set up to only accept a connection from your iBook? and, having discovered that that was the issue, how could you even mention it in your aritcle? that was entirely your own fault!

after one glaring PEBKAC, i gather doubt and decide that the other two issues she encountered were of similar origin. it is probable that she doesn't know how to properly burn a DVD-R or restart a computer.

but her verdict was the pièce de résistance.

"So, to weigh the options. Would I settle for all this troubleshooting grief, just for the sake of a little stylistic indulgence? Nah, hold off on the first batch, wait for the software updates and hope and pray for the best."

yesa. fragment as the first sentence, period where a colon was due, pseudo-aspirational vocabulary and writing, unsuitably causal language, and a final verdict that is contradictory to half of the article. yes-ah.

low

i've just woken up, fifteen minutes ago.

life is bleak.

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On the left: a 30" Panasonic Sophia Color TV.

On the right: Bin liners full of what we have so far as offerings to my late grandmother, for the upcoming annual grave visit.

Oh, yes, kids. It has begun.

bear

i could still bear life here, before my siblings moved in.

now it's unbearable.

the commonwealth games

i don't really think it's fair that there are English people representing England, and Chinese people representing Singapore.

of course, i don't think it's fair, either, that there are Chinese people representing New Zealand, either, but clearly us Singaporeans are trendsetters. congratulations, China! we've a medal!

la pluie

great. it's raining. i want to be outside, out and about, not stuck here mourning a dead laptop hard drive and my failure in laying out.

there is more, but i am loath to type any more.

missing things

there are many, many things i miss about China.

but, right now, it's living all on my own, but with my friends.

sometimes, i wish i hadn't gone on that trip.
you can't miss what you never knew.

sideannoyance

i have 1.25GB of RAM and can hence run whatever the heck i want all at once (right now that's--in Dock order--Safari, iTunes, Camino, Firefox, Adobe InDesign CS2, iChat and fourteen Dashboard widgets.)

yet i quit sidenote, because it is annoying when i don't need it.

time goes by, so slowly

jiawei, i beg to differ. this week did not fly by at all.

my father came yesterday. so i went out and spent more money than i originally wanted to, yesterday.

Books Kinokuniya, Ngee Ann City
$20.90 Sepet DVD
$10.50 Details magazine, March 2006 issue

Coffee Club Xpress, Wisma Atria
$04.40 Summer Tea Freeze, large
$05.00 Chocolate Mint cake
$04.50 Calzone

7-Eleven, 121 Bedok Reservoir Road
$01.40 Large Slurpee

Total
$46.70

hmm. that's not a lot, actually. maybe i should have bought the navy jacket at Zara...

it never rains, darlings...

so, now, it's a deluge. this is one of four new colors for the PEBL.

the other colors are green, orange and pink. in the same pastel, "summery" shade.

this is a joke. it has to be.

migraine, migraine...

Motorola PEBL Colors

cabin fever. really.

omg my life fucking SUCKS.

i am LOCKED in my room with my three siblings.

the doorknob BROKE, and i told my siblings not to close the door all the way. of course, my INQUISITIVE IDIOT of a brother did just that when he went to take a look at it.

and it's THREE AM, and everyone else is asleep.

and i will never be able to get to sleep knowing that i'm trapped until the rest of the household wake and try to get our door open to switch the A/C off.

red dot

this is where i lose all respect for the red dot organization.

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Sham's New Sheets.

lovely

my father is here. i think i'm leaving.

welcome to Project Catwalk

liz hurley: okay matthew, now don't be wet, you know we all love you.

matt: okay.

liz hurley: stiff upper lip, remember you're english. okay.

welcome to Project Catwalk

i want to be person that runs everything on set and says: "quiet and still, please, we are recording. thank you. very quiet and still."

that is all.

blogger

I WANT TO EDIT MY POST LET ME EDIT MY POST I WANT TO EDIT MY FUCKING POST!

busy with work/snappy combacks/dramatic life

it's not like i don't understand. i mean, i'm the most ridiculous understander i know. it is my life, accepting things that are completely and utterly unfair, without putting up much of a fight, or even any fight at all. but, just, abrasive much?

and that goes for two wholly separate conversations i've had today, in the scant hour that i've been awake.

so not the way i brought myself up, but sometimes it's not worth it at all to prolong a conversation. being nice is occasionally very over-overrated.

this just in.

eh i don't like the D&AD logo.

"let me blow ya mind"

"Some of y'all ain't writin' well, too concerned with fashion
None of you ain't Gisele, catwalk and imagine
Alotta y'all Hollywood, drama, passed it
Cut bitch, camera off, real shit, blast it"

this song makes me giggle uncontrollably. especially this line:

"None of you ain't Gisele"

i don't know why, it just does. yeah. must be the way she (Eve) says it.

job week

when scouts (ew) come around during job week, it is not appropriate to have them fold offerings for qing ming as a job.

that is all.

(there are so many things i want to be able to just say to my wheelchair aunt)

how much is too much

how much is too much, or not enough?

(stop, it's too late, i'm feeling frustrated.)

wah, O.C. got style, siah

so instead of their usual Previously, on The O.C., voiced by a cast member (usually Mischa Barton, though), this week they have something different. Mischa Barton disdainfully says this, instead:

If you haven't watched The O.C. in a while, here's what you missed.

wah, if (i) haven't watched The O.C. in a while worhz. like if ne'er watch can die like that.

iChat A

"after hours of waiting..."
- Syed Shameer Shah

Your buddy, Jiawei Wu, is available.

we have to wait for him to pee and change.

it is four AM. i am not getting any younger. i do not want to wait. i am tired. i want to die.

you will be the death of me.

yea~

someone hit this with the ugly stick

you can't see it, but across the top of the hard disk enclosure are the words '3.5" EXTERNAL BOX'.

yes-a.

wired for sound

suddenly i feel Wired For Sound.

if only i had an Apple Mac Pro with 23" Apple Cinema Display, and a proper studio. or at least a Apple MacBook Pro and a proper workspace.

i would get so much done right now, i tell you.

curry flavor

SAMARIA KHOO: (looks at half-eaten curry puff in her hands) "Tastes like curry puff."

END SCENE

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Blessed are the busy, for they will never shoot photos of the bottom of their water bottle.

pointless people

stop, it's too late, i'm feeling frustrated.

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Life is exciting.

wasted design

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Wasted design: the subliminal arrow in the logo is gone just because some crony did a half-arsed job sticking the print on.

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Wow. A bright red mercedes-benz sedan. Classy.

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Why won't the fucking bus come?

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Yes, i'm home.

most valuable player

"All right, all right, nothing to see here," he heard Sheppard say. "You've seen one giant snake, you've seen 'em all."

DEAR ITUNES PARTY SHUFFLE

I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO ANY BLOODY KINGS OF CONVENIENCE UNTIL THE BLOODY CONCERT IS OVER!

i see...

i'm thinking of modifying my blog template again.

i see sky-blue, with white.

i see everything sans-serif.

i see... sweden.

one day i will move to sweden

or, at least, live there the minimum of one calendar year.

photo stolen from jiawei's newsletter.

i am in love with apple juice. i will never buy apple juice with inferior packaging again.

also, yes, jiawei, it is a bird feeder.

dear iTunes Party Shuffle

once again, because i love you (or is it the PowerBook i love?), i really, really do not want to listen to any more Kings Of Convenience until the concert is over.

that is, again, all.

Quentin

that's actually quite nice a name, no?

the best things in life are free

"You didn't read the directions?" John burst out. "For the reading comprehension?"

dear iTunes Party Shuffle

i don't want to listen to any Kings of Convenience until the concert is over.

that is all.

fortress

stop
it's too late
i'm feeling fustrated
i see no sign of fortress
i see no sign of fortress

march on, march

holy shit it's March.

varied weather

jinghui brought you Desktop Posts. i bring you Dashboard Posts!

... such interesting and varied weather, we have.

this genius

what am i? a genius.

because my prepaid card balance expired one half hour ago, and i just let it.

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This is like what i've been staring at for half an hour.

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Great. I've managed to walk to the disgusting part of holland village.

the six-thousand-dollar man

this is very very very dumb.

iced café americano--venti size, no less--and two hours = need to pee. which you cannot do because the toilet is ten meters away, and your EVERYTHING is on the table in front of you. your two-hundred-dollar blazer, five-hundred-dollar iPod, three-hundred-dollar (six if you don't count the two-year-plan) Motorola PEBL, five-dollar Starbucks Iced Café Americano, three-hundred-dollar DKNY chronograph, thousand-dollar camera, hundred-dollar Apple Wireless Mouse, two-hundred-dollar Crumpler Hee-Goer and three-thousand dollar Apple PowerBook.

that is nearly six thousand dollars. yes, i computed it.

this is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad situation.

ebisu-minami, shibuya-ku, tokyo, japan/andra långgatan, göteborg, sweden/lorong 3 geylang, singapore, singapore

i've spent a stupid amount of time today in Google Earth. but at least now i know where jiawei's and kenneth's internship offices are.

i also found my own place (took me like fifteen seconds), dawn's place(about a minute or so), sham's place (surprisingly easy to find as well) and my aunt jacqueline's place. kenneth and jiawei's places are covered by dense cloud and hence cannot be pinpointed.

my, how the bored suffer.

a little late

it may be a little late, and a little slow, but aren't the pictures taken with my PEBL a little grainy?

contempt and disarray

all i feel like doing today is spreading contempt, rumours, lies, untruths, disdain, scorn, disregard, abhorrence and disarray.

Fiona Apple helps keep all this within reasonable check.

this century sucks

i need to get over this feeling of pissed-off and venomous.

SWEDEN. FUCKING SWEDEN.

FRICKIN' A.

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I left the DVDs behind.

fuckin' a

so i thought: heck, just go to the Kings Of Convenience peformance by yourself.

tickets are no longer available.

faster and faster

they're getting faster and faster. i barely noticed their presence from the Dell PC and at lunch.