One summer, a suicide.

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Like a cloud, his fingers explode.

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The Fray sucks.

the devil wears moleskine, part five

five times. wow. and maybe a sixth, too, if it continues to screen. and maybe a seventh, to round out the number.

i'd like to write more, but i'm not going to.

silver sliver

the Chinese office of the company my aunt works for gave her this silver Motorola SLVR L7 to use when she's in China. it replaces the black Motorola RAZR V3 she misplaced.

i actually like it a lot---i think it looks way better than the black-colored version.

pearl jam

Pearl Gray?

i want.

Biggg Elmo!, part two

i still feel bored.

who needs sex?

LG. Life's Good.

the cold open

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. -GMarx

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TRENDY

this is the first ah lian bag i've seen that proclaims itself as TRENDY.

lovely. and to round things off, a quote from the current bag lady herself.

'what? it's eleven thirty-nine already? i still have to clean the LV wallet!'

Now Playing---On Both Sides

this is the new Nokia N95. can someone explain the rationale behind the slide-down dedicated media keys to me? because it would appear that their functions are duplicated by the directional pad whilst in music-playing mode. and in standby mode, with the music player in the background, the phone's screen orientation is vertical instead of horizontal, so the media keys are pointing in all the wrong directions. and do you really want to slide the phone down and reach all the way up there just to do something with your music?

buy an iPod, lah.

panic (at the PowerBook)

so i've finally got a proper copy of last.fm working on my Mac, and i run it for a couple of hours. then i check my user profile. and apparently i've been listening to PANIC! At The Disco, whatever that is.

um, hi? no, i haven't?

and what the heck is Waking Ashland? if there's one thing about me that you do not screw around with, it's... well, there're many things, but music is definitely one of them. you do not screw around with my music. and there is no PANIC! At The Disco in any of my iTunes libraries.

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If you're going to make your old man buy you an Xbox 360, at least have the decency to carry it yourself. You won't be a teenager for much longer, for goodness' sake. And, also, don't be such a cheapo---at least spring for the full Xbox 360. The Xbox 360 Core bundle is like the poor people's discount.

blue is totally the new green

i've just noticed... almost everything media-related by Apple is blue. Safari, iChat, Mail, Preview, and now iTunes.

in other news, it looks like we're in for a spot of lovely weather.

i would like to marry Steve Jobs

so, normally, the day after an Apple Special Event, i am left both excited and disheartened, because OMG SHINY NEW TOYS, but also OMG CANNOT AFFORD ANYTHING ANY MORE.

so when all those shiny (and matte---new nanos and shuffle are aluminium) new iPods were lauched i immediately checked my bank account balance, in between transcribing everything from the IRC chat room into the iChat window, where i was delievering news to Adri.

some of the new features, like brightness control, gapless playback and some sort of way to see where i was on the list whilst scrolling through thousands of songs/artists/albums, i have wanted for a long, long time.

so when the new iPods, with all that and some new Search function and longer battery lives and brighter screens were annouced, i was dismayed. because i won't be able to afford anything new at that price for a very, very long time, even if they're cheaper now.

but OMG Apple. they updated the software for ALL fifth-gen iPods. so i have brightness control, gapless playback, and an alphabetical overlay when i scroll through lists above a certain speed!!!

i don't have Search or a brighter screen or a larger-capacity battery, but WHO NEEDS ALL THAT? the Search is too Creative-fussy, anyway. and i have daily access to a power point. or a computer with FireWire or USB 2.0 ports.

I AM SO EXCITED!

the devil wears moleskine, part four

"This is a non-gentle reminder that we are meeting at SIX-THIRTY PM, at RAFFLES PLACE INTERCHANGE. I don't understand why it's so difficult to confirm an appointment, especially when all you have to do is send a quick response, but the details of your incompetence do not interest me. Those of you who DID respond---what do you want, a kiss on the forehead and a gold star on your homework at the end of the day? Be late at your own peril, I am in an excellent mood today. Oh, and Emily? Dress like a hobo and you will be shaming just yourself. And me. That's all."

wow. six Prada references in one (admittedly long) text message. and, yes, i think i am très très cool, and très très chic. that's all.

feelin' blue

staying up for the Apple Special Event was a huge letdown. 

well. the new iTunes icon is blue, so at least that's fitting.

parmesan

this girl would die for it.

Biggg Elmo!

nope. haven't gotten any less bored in the last fifteen minutes.

the devil wears moleskine, part three

so, i watched Prada a third time last night. and then i re-watched bits of it off the internet. and i went to bed. and woke up over twelve hours later. and i guess i'm not going out today. which is sad, because the shiny shiny new MasterCard has just arrived.

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little boxes

they're here! now there are just a couple more things i need to get...

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I am so sick of 'Bend Over For Singapore' and yet it hasn't even begun yet. The table next to mine is currently being occupied with obnoxious expats posted to several Asian countries. Why did we have to mix it up a little and come to the low-rent place this weekend?

the devil wears moleskine, part two

"i don't eat anything, and when i feel like i'm about to faint, i eat a cube of cheese."

 

the devil wears moleskine

 

sistickets, part two

printing is still fun!

sistickets

printing is fun!

it's just, i don't know, drizzling or something.

and i want very much to be outside, now, walking around.

"come out, you little fuckers!"

that is my sister, samaria, shouting at the Popular price tags of her new pens.

she has now decided that she is going to use soap and elbow grease to get the job done.

"oh my god, time to scrub out the little fuckers!"

look...

who's missing?

sirocco, part unknown

brian-fucking-eno.

not that you wouldn't understand, but you just won't.

brian eno. wow.

dear diary

today i lost my fucking wallet.

that's all.

i'm calling, can you hear me?

so i'm sitting here, at the Windows PC, and the Panasonic behind me has Channel U on. and there's this promo for this new show called My Lovely Samsung or whatever, and the background music is Leona Naess.

thanks a lot, MediaCorp.


so i'm sitting there, looking through the 8 Days that my sister bought and brought back. to see what they're peddling and pushing on the great unwashed masses these days, you know? and they've reviewed Regina Spektor's new record.

thanks a lot, MediaCorp.

minus one

twelve hours and one diazepam later, i still feel like fourteen kinds of shit.

expectations = disappointments

did you know that the Sirocco is a Mediterranean desert wind?

and that the Scirocco was, and will be, a Volkswagen coupe?

that's all.

little boxes

it's two.

i have a psychiatric appointment in ten hours.

all i want is to watch more Weeds. and, of course, my Sirocco.

neither is possible. i am hence, very depressed and have thus put away all the diazepam.

"Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same

There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same"

sirocco

i feel rather... i don't know. in-limbo-ish. looking forwards, looking backwards. waiting for some thing(s) to happen. and, to complete the inscrutability, here is a random iPhoto from my China trip!

day, week or year.

Apple & Creative Announce Broad Settlement Ending Legal Disputes Between the Companies

today is not a good day. this is not a good week.

i think hell might be freezing over soon, so it might also start snowing in Singapore. time to break out the scarves.

white Chocolate

i hate white chocolate. i especially hate white Chocolate. yes, the buttons still light up in red. hi? third-generation iPod, anyone?

wait, has anyone heard of pink Chocolate?
i mean, seriously. this is taking it a bit too far. it's not like it's the RAZR, you know?

from www.stuffmag.co.uk:

"Both have identical specs to the original KG800, which means a 1.3MP cam, 128MB internal storage for tunes and Bluetooth. They also have the red back-lighting which, in combination with the pink paint-job, is making us feel quite ill."

sadly (and you know i'm right here), the pink version will be a big hit. wonderful electric indeed. i fucking hate Verizon for using Goldfrapp to promote the American Chocolate.

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gold trim

these are socks my mother bought. for me. to wear.

yellow-trimmed ankle socks with the Nike logo stiched in gold thread. yes. this is just in my taste.

isn't it great when mothers and their sons just get each other?

Gilmore Girls 0513 "Wedding Bell Blues"

00:19:25

RICHARD GILMORE:

Psst, psst. Lorelai. I need you to do something.

LORELAI GILMORE:

Ooh, spy voice. Cool.

RICHARD:

Focus, please.

LORELAI:

I am a camera.



00:20:45

LORELAI GILMORE:

Mom, it's a pretend wedding. J.Lo has them all the time!



00:36:50

LOGAN HUNTZBERGER:

It's just... You're special.

RORY GILMORE:

'Stop eating the paste,' special?

Wireless Mighty Mouse

i've been checking The Apple Store (Singapore)'s Wireless Mighty Mouse product page daily, to see when the lovely local agency (iDA) will approve the mouse for sale. today, i wake to check it and the shipping date is now:

Estimated Ship:
3-5 bus. days
Free Shipping

and no more big words in big caps that say SUBJECT TO AGENCY APPROVAL.

yesa. i can order my ultra-expensive, ultra-designer, four-button, scroll-ball, laser-tracking, bluetooth-wireless mouse now. now if only i didn't have to put in a Threadless order on Monday AND THEN wait for people to pay me back.

For Photographic Waste products

yes, i get the general idea.

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fireworks

i am high as a kite, on decongestant medication and very strong coffee. it is, like, Lorelai Gilmore/Rodney McKay coffee. yes, it is that strong. i exaggerate all the time, so you're just going to have to trust me on this.

this is such a cliché segue into the blog post proper, but yesterday i accompanied my maternal extended family to watch fireworks. alone. sans iPod. i know, it wasn't wise. i know, the fact that none of my siblings were going should have sounded the air raid alarm. i went anyway---my mother was bending my ear and i was sick of wasting airtime having her bend it (the cordless phone still shows no signs of life).

i would like to at least be able to say that i went because my maternal grandfather (who's lost his right foot to diabetes) was going, and since i am now an expert wheelchair driver, it hence helped that i went. but he only decided to go at the last minute (another victim of ear-bending, courtesy of my mother), so that's out since i didn't know he was coming until i was answering yet another call in the back of my aunt's new titanium-grey Mazda3 sedan.

it did help that i went---we changed location three times, and i had to manuver my grandfather across four very busy roads---but it still was an enormous fuss over nothing. fifteen minutes of fireworks, and the entire nation is hard, wet, horny and waiting. tens of thousands upon tens of thousands of Singaporeans descended on the Marina area, from as early as (we guessed) five PM, all in the name of fifteen minutes of color in the sky.

it was, to modify a Chinese saying, a Mount Fuji of people and a Pacific Ocean of cheap, asian cars. families on mats, children singing patriotic National Day songs. people parking in spots strategically blocking every one else on the road. people i considered to be already parked because traffic simply wasn't moving. EMAS signs on the highway saying "MASSIVE JAM ON ALL ROADS TO SUNTEC" when they really should be saying "GO THE FUCK HOME, YOU LOSERS".

and because it was family and friends, i had to keep some sort of smirk smile on my face, at almost all times. the most scathing remark i passed last night were we don't we just charter a helicopter? and it's okay, i don't/didn't want to watch it, i don't like fireworks.

fine, they're colorful, lovely, romantic, etc etc. i get it. but these thousands upon thousands don't seem to realize that the only reason fireworks are so rare is, well, simply because the government said so. each year, all they have to do is deign to set off a few fireworks a couple of times a year, and half the nation eagerly asks, "And how high would Sir like me to jump?"

it's manipulation, and i can't really see the point of it. it took two hours to get into Marina South, and it took two hours to get out of it. one-and-a-half hours in i was calling haniza up every fifteen minutes, swearing like a sailor and insulting everything in my sight that wasn't european or wasn't even a car. this can't be good for the country, generally speaking. though there were many hundred-and-twenty-dollar tickets being given out to windshields and windscreen wipers that evening. there were even traffic policemen simply taking photos of illegally parked cars, presumbably because they've run out of those fancy handheld instant-printout gadgets.

and i don't even like fireworks. i might, if they weren't this precious, precious thing that is precious simply because of an administration's say-so. i might even sit, watch, enjoy the brief escape of watching explosions of color in the sky and feel, i don't know, romantic or something. instead, i spent the duration of the fireworks display facing construction site offices (and, yes, hence away from the fireworks) and talking to haniza, complaining about everything and nothing all at once.

there are countries where you can have fireworks whenever, wherever. in your own bloody backyard, if it pleases you. Singapore is not one of them. they might as well make clear sunny weather a special, couple-times-a-year event. they're already adept enough it manipulting it---the fact that there's so far only been one Parade that's been rained on is neither luck or conicidence.

and, as if to prove my point, it's just begun pouring. Mother Nature doesn't like being manipulated, i suspect, just like any one once they realize they are being manipulated. the heavens are opening up, the deluge is here. one wonders if the same will happen one day, if the administration ever leaves office.

"Be afraid of the lame
They'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old
They'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold
They'll inherit your blood
Après moi, le deluge
After me comes the flood

I must go on standing
You can't break that which isn't yours
I, oh, must go on standing
I'm not my own, it's not my choice"

"Après Moi", Regina Spektor

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I'm heading out to a family event, alone, sans my precious iPod. That can't be wise, can it.

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The cordless phone refuses to charge or show any sign of life. And this is after i've spent ten dollars on new batteries for it, too. Don't ask where the old batteries, the ones that worked, are. No one knows. It's nearly six in the morning. I shouldn't be awake. I shouldn't be clicking out this on my mobile phone. But i also can't, and shouldn't, take any more sleeping pills. Cancer For The Cure.

Groucho Marx

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

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siblings

they are just a joy, aren't they?

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This is a better picture, actually.

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come to papa

i want these shoes. so badly. oh, Kenneth Cole, why have you abandoned me? i would give a month's allowance (which is probably what they cost, anyway) for these shoes.

5000th

the five thousandth song added to my iTunes Music Library: 

"In Your Room" by Tegan And Sara.

well. five thousand. time to do a cleanout soon. of, like, for example, U2. i've only just realized that i don't really like U2. 

Wireless Fidelity

examples of how the wireless networks neighboring my own are named:

LaksaNet
Mspig
Jesus is Lord!
sh82833667

no, none of these are mine.

iTunes Party Shuffle

Sufjan Stevens, then Kylie Minogue?

you are a sick, sick machine.

"and i cried myself to sleep last night, for the earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me"

"is the world still spinning around? i don't feel like coming down"

wong numbers

god, how many wrong numbers can you get in one night?

Targa 4

i know my desktop wallpaper attests to the contrary, but i do not actually want a metallic orange, four-wheel-drive, targa-topped German sports coupe.

i do, however, want a four-wheel-drive, targa-topped German sports coupe. in metallic gunmetal grey. i should probably go find out if it even comes in such a color. well, it definitely comes in black.

three nights sleeping in an actual, queen-sized, bed and i've a backache from two nights back on a mattress thinner than some breads.

i am too tired to type with the proper accents.

Veronica Mars 0116 "Betty And Veronica" 00:09:00

VERONICA MARS:

"Pan High: The Un-Neptune. Just fifteen miles away, but when those miles are heading inland, there are no yacht clubs and no five-million-dollar homes with coastal views. The parking lot is full of American cars made in the nineties, and the vending machines don't carry Orangina. People here hate Neptune as much as I do."

thank you for smoking

what can i say? i felt inspired.

The Office 0221 "Conflict Resolution", 00:00:38

PAMELA BEESLY:
"There are a few people I decided not to invite. And that might make things kind of awkward, but... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy."

--- --- ---

MICHAEL SCOTT:
"Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage."

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it's damn early, can?

the bloody newspaper just arrived.

it's damn early, can?

pre-dawn

this is an obscene hour in which to be awake.

Absolut Ruby Red

ladies and gentlemen:

do not blog whilst drunk. i still am, so i'm not. wait. i am blogging. so i am contradicting my own rule. i'd better stop now, hadn't i?

that's all. i think. what?

psychosis

i'm not supposed to be awake for another two hours.

oh, well, what can you do? Moses had Egyptian Slavery and the Red Sea. Noah had the Great Flood. David had Goliath. Jesus had Judas and Mary Magdalene. Aaron has Samantha.

great challenges in life, i'm sure, are meant to be not just overcome, but crushingly defeated. but, for now, the medication's wearing off.

"And then they're all living in a cave,"

"And our show is not that "plotty." It's not Lost. It's not like you get a lot of, "And then they're all living in a cave," or whatever happens on Lost."

- Lauren Graham (who plays Lorelai Gilmore on Gilmore Girls), on Lost

it's the end of the world (as we know it)

why do i feel worse? aren't i supposed to be feeling better? like, much, much better?

what, do they induce melancholy to cure anxiety? i have enough of that, i don't need any more.

i need to go out. i can't stay in for much longer.

this fucking sucks.

Noise Pollution

dear MINDEF,

i am so fucking sick of your fucking flybys.

i do not fucking care if it's fucking national day, i do not care. you fly the same fucking planes on the same fucking route every fucking year so i do not see why you have to start your fucking rehersals so fucking early. fucking stop it. sonic fucking booms do not make for a soundtrack conducive to eating dinner.

or, for that fact, conducive to any-fucking-thing.

that's all,

-aaron

Gilmore Girls 0613 "Friday Night's Alright For Fighting", 00:21:21

SOOKIE ST. JAMES:
"What are you doing?"

LORELAI GILMORE:
"Uh, he freaks out if he sees his leash. You have to make sure you hide it from him, make sure he doesn't see you putting it on him."

SOOKIE:
"How is he once he's on the leash?"

LORELAI:
"Oh, he's totally fine having his personal freedom slowly stripped away, as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening, Just like a true American."

--- --- ---

EMILY GILMORE:
"You know what else i find amusing?"

LORELAI GILMORE:
" 'Reno 911!' ? "

twenty-six

there are no Zagat-rated establishments in Singapore.

how sad is that?

moisturised and tranquilised

oh, what a beautiful carve-up.

le pluie

so, joshua was right. it rained! i got to wear a jacket out again.

Come See it all Happening!

is this is what i get for living in Geylang? a flyer inviting me to "Come See it all Happening at" (interesting use of capitalization there, by the way) the local WorldSkills finals--suspiciously held at ITE College West (Balestier Campus).

my suspicions are confirmed on the flyer itself, below the glaringly garish headline. for those of you not bothered enough to click on the picture above to view an enlarged version, i have abused my PowerBook's keyboard to faithfully reproduce the copy below.

Why must YOU be there?

• Witness the competition and find out what it takes to be a global skills talent!
• Enjoy electrifying performances by ITE students!
• Find out more about ITE education from interactive projects!
• See which secondary school wins at the mobile robot competition!
• Admission is FREE!

(note the ever-so-subtle desperation that has possessed the word "FREE!" and you just gotta love the generous use of exclamation marks.)

this is suspiciously more ITE than WorldSkills.

This Is Broken

i'll have to presume that concussions are fairly common at this particular pillar on the Redhill MRT station platform, then.

lucky number s7evin

i downloaded a couple of versions of the 대장금 theme song today, before i left the house. i don't know why. it suddenly rang out and spoke to me, i guess.

they don't think it's as bad as it's thought to be. i think it is, but i am surely not the best judge. we'll find out soon enough.

psychiatry

today is not a good day to see a psychiatrist.

but i have a letter that says it is, and that i am liable for conviction to a fine or imprisonment if i don't show up.

off i go, then.

you may know this girl

she's my sister. and this is her ignoring my request to "do something obscene with the ice-cream cone."

COMPETITION TIME

look closely at this. what do you think it is?

don't worry if you don't get it right away. i stared uncomprehendingly at it for a full minute before i even realized that it was, allegedly, a garment. that someone would wear. as an outer layer of clothing. outside of their own home.

if your answer is "a pair of shorts in a fashion commonly seen on, how shall i say it, working girls," congratulations! you're absolutely correct!

girls, let me save you fifty dollars--just wear a pair of panties out!

Happy Endings, 01:49:23

"When you're a gay man,
it's hard to feel bad about
yourself when a urologist
says, "Yeah. I pick you."

Brief Encouters, p154

"Lunch lived up to expectations. The cheese and tomato sandwiches would have been great had they used cheese and tomato. Lettuce with a faint cheesy aroma and dripping tomato juice was hardly the same thing. In fairness, the crisps were only slightly stale, although the bowl of fruit was so ancient that Hannah was sure she'd seen a painting of it somewhere."

qué sera sera

why are one-day-use contact lenses so expensive? it was the end of the month, so early this morning i took the lenses out of my eyes and dumped them into the sink. it felt good. better than squirting solution to rinise them, filling the case and sticking them inside the case carefully, anyway. which i'm going to have to do after i next wear contacts. it's tiresome. but, apparently, not tiresome enough for me to stop wearing contacts altogether.

adrian quek, you ruined my PEBL.

i, on several levels, feel like sucks.

nail-fucking-polish

only the most brilliant of minds could waltz right into a room, with its door and window closed and air-conditioning freshly switched on, and proceed to fume it up by painting her nails at eleven-oh-five at night. when she's just got home.

only the most brilliant of minds.

i re-opened the window and door, and switched on the fan at full tilt to de-fume it. she waltzed back in and undid all that.

only the most fucking brilliant of minds.

Crow. Bar.

"please consider this my two weeks' notice."

it's easier said than meant.

we'll see how long the rest of it lasts.

Film Review: Superman Returns

and so, i'm back from the gala premiere of Superman Returns.

don't watch it. it's predictable, and boring. it's not even worth the sum of time spent there, free popcorn/coke combo, and the goodie bags. i cannot believe Bryan Singer left the X-Men trilogy to that hack director so that he could squeeze out this turd of a film. oh, and this Superman might not be gay, but he sure is one hell of an attention-seeking media whore.

if you insist, then run out and buy a Superman comic and some (actually, a lot of) Samsung electronics. then juxtapose Superman with the Samsungs in your living room, or whatever. you'll get the same effect.

"I think Superman Returns has put my brain on Permanently Bored."

if i must give stars, this one's a half-star.

PowerBook

"Plus, thanks to the status symbol factor, the PowerBook is the only notebook that works when turned off."

Teddy, Balaclava, Absolut and Threadless

I don't think it's fair that I discovered Teddy Geiger first, and I bought his album before the bloody newspaper review came out, and I didn't get a bloody invite to his bloody gig at bloody Balaclava.

I mean, of all places. BALACLAVA? Loser yuppies that don't have anywhere to go go there. It’s such a dickhead place to go (and by that, I mean that I fully expect to have to go there in the future, when some more of my friends grow up, get jobs in cubicle farms at Temasek Avenue, and then become sad yuppies with nowhere else to go, so they booze up at some lame open-air yuppie bar.)

Wait. Where was I? Yes. Teddy Geiger had a gig at Balaclava, and because I was an early adopter and liked his music (and not photos of him or his album reviews in Life! or Lime or Seventeen Singapore) and bought his album before it exploded all over pre-pubescent Singapore, I don't get to go to listen to him live.

How fair is that? Okay I’m rambling now. I shouldn't have gone to that party last night. I boozed up far too much and drank what… what was it, one shot of Patrick’s layered stuff, a screwdriver with less vodka than it’d like, and a full glass of vodka on the rocks? Must have been that, at least. And it was Absolut, which meant it smelt like paint stripper, even if it did taste fine. Wasted time, wasted money.

Though the nice cab driver who took me home rounded down my cab fare to eight dollars, which was very nice. But I only discovered that between getting out of the cab and staring uncomprehendingly at the two-dollar note in my hand, being too distracted to notice anything while it's actually happening. So I didn't even get to thank him for saving my morning from the depths of the night before.

How sad am I? I more or less chugged paint stripper, at a sad gathering of sad people, most of whom I cannot really consider my friends, since I don’t see them unless it’s at some sad booze-up.

And isn’t getting slightly toasted like I did (I thought I’d gone overboard—wasn’t sure if I was drunk-drunk but I felt silly and like I was acting silly, but I was repeatedly reassured that I wasn’t drunk, just a bit tipsy, but I’d had a lot to drink) supposed to make you temporarily feel better? I felt sadder, more upset with things outside my control.

What the fuck am I to going to do with all my Medium-sized t-shirts?

oh, great.

Threadless is having another sale.

this time i shall order large-sized shirts.

the facts of life

i'm sitting at the Dell, typing this out, because while sitting in the dark, crouched over my PowerBook sat on a folding table has never agreed with me, i'm only now starting not to accept it as a subsitute for a proper computing environment.

anyway, much as i think that the PowerBook G4 keyboard (which one day i must accept is also the MacBook Pro's keyboard) is one of the best in the world, sometimes you need a full-sized keyboard. i can't decide if the loud clacking of the Dell Quietkey Keyboard i'm using now is a boon or a bane, though. on one hand, it's a physical embodiment of the cathartic effect, so in a sense, it helps. on the other, it's just damned fricking loud. i wonder how the Apple Keyboard sounds like when you're banging an essay out on it.

what am i dong up at half-past three in the morning? i have a feeling that i might soon succumb completely to what ails me. the sixteen-hour periods of sleep and four-hour-long bouts of insomnia (hello, three-thirty AM) point to signs.

have i been thinking too much? maybe. at home isn't a place where you should have to hide. it seems, though, that it's where i do a fair bit of my hiding. things have been repressed, feelings pushed away, pretence in place of pobity. it's going to be three years since soon, and while it's started two years ago, it only got more difficult as time passed on. especially one year after.

but then again, if i think about it, it's been an entire lifetime of stashing things away. i am, after all, a pack rat, and nothing gets chucked away no matter how much it needs to be disposed of. that's why they tell you to compartmentalize--no one can force you to let go. i can hold grudges for ever. i can forgive in an instant, and in the short term dismiss it from consciousness, but i never forget forever.

i need something to happen. something that will change me, affect me, capture me, enthrall me, doing something to me. but maybe i should be careful of what i wish for.

i'm getting more and more tired. i can't keep my energy up. the old adage of sleeping early, waking early and getting a full eight hours' sleep has never worked for me, and forcing myself into that fixed pattern only makes it worse. the best i can do is distract myself with whatever happenes to catch my fancy at the moment, and see what happens.

may you live in interesting times.

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique être sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

there's a lot behind a little move

there are a lot of Nokia sliding form-factor phones being resold of late. this includes, but is not limited to, the 6111, 6280 and N80.

i wonder why?

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Can you say, "Coarse and vuglar?" I haven't been to another mid-class restaurant less pleasant to sit in than this one.

contact

my eyes started to get extremely uncomfortable as i crossed the four lanes of Geylang Road just now. but these are the Bausch & Lomb contact lenses, so it was probably a random speck of dust.

things aren't always what they appear to be.

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Serious Gluttony.

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waiting for a bus to town from home is like playing Bingo, except that you apparently have to get all the other numbers twice over before you can win with the number you want.

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The Devil Wears Versace.

the Dell Dimension

i had to revive the Dell again today, because i wanted to play Need For Speed: Porsche Unleashed.

i hate the fucking thing. i wouldn't care if it never boots again, if it weren't my gaming staple. if only i could get one of those half-price Xbox 360s on sale at the airport this Saturday...

one week's notice

my sixth cousin is getting married to a man named Elvis.

the wedding should be fun.

je veux seulement oublier...

i don't write with the regularity that i used to. i wrote more often, and i wrote much more. now i tend to send a photo from my mobile phone and publish it here, and oftentimes the accompanying text that i thumb into the message doesn't make it with the photo, for some reason replaced with "Brought to you by StarHub."

but bad things happen all the time. there is a constant flow of shit hitting the fan, in my life, and i don't expect to stem the flow or the flow to be stemmed.

good things have happened, and that should be enough. but when some things happen and you're not sure what they mean, it just makes you feel much, much worse. you constantly think, wonder, analyze and over-analyze, and you become paranoid-does it means something more? was it just what it was? was it a hint? was it just teasing?

good things have happened. that should be enough.