andalucia

For some reason, I have suddenly and recently become very afraid of being by myself.

Also, apologies for the stunningly accurate capitalization. I’m trying out the Blogger For Word plug-in.

Surprisingly, amos was the only one that questioned if my motives for wanting to transfer into VSC were right. If I felt pressured to transfer and join VSC because all my friends in design school were either all there [check] or close to the people in VSC [check].

While I can say it’s not the main, pressing reason, I can’t pretend it's not or deny the fact that it’s an issue. They're great people, and there is just no one in PID. But what about when [if!] I transfer to VSC? What if, after my friends graduate, I’m back to the desolate feeling I have when I was in my first PID semester? Will loving the work at VSC more than the work at PID keep me moving?

I think I’m making a huge mistake. And I think the fact that everyone’s leaving for the China trip very soon, with me by myself here, is a huge, ginormous, pink-elephant-in-the-room indication of my future to come. It’s so weird that I have such abandonment issues when I should feel used to being abandoned by now. I actually have become open to going to China and actually experiencing the country and the people, first-handing, with relatively minimal bitching, if it meant I didn’t have to be by myself here, and could have one of those vital coming-of-age experiences with a group of good friends, overseas, experiencing a new country and a new culture.

That’s just not going to happen.

“Subject to approval”. My third cousin, daughter of my first uncle, just said that in the conversation they’re having next to me. I feel like that’s what I am now. Subject to approval.