chicken stuPID.

i paid ten dollars in cab fare to make it to Chicken Little (a complete and utter piece of filth missing one ingredient: PIXAR. bye-bye, Disney.) five minutes late.

this on top of being shouted at over the phone for not taking the train (i don't recall a train station being anywhere near Temasek Polytechnic. is it part of the Circle Line?), waking late and with this horrible crick in my neck, plus a migraine, plus allergies, plus being useless in school, plus not getting to see the video, plus, plus, plus.

i am so going to disappear.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?
Originally uploaded by aklw.

What am i doing here? Waiting for my grandfather to die, so that i can kill myself, guilt-free.

it's a wonderful feeling

it's a terrible feeling, not being needed.

speak for myself

 


i've spent the good part of an hour establishing that the cd kenneth and jinghui (eta: dawn had a part in it as well, apparently) gave me for my birthday isn't copy-protected. i've even run it through four different Windows-based audio players. it's odd. this release, on this label, should be copy-protected. also note the big scary FBI warning label on the back. it features on the CD's cardboard cover, as well.

well, at least i won't have to exchange away the one thing i got for my birthday. not that i wanted anything reasonable, but yeah. it was nice. 

12-06-05_1739

12-06-05_1739
Originally uploaded by aklw.

Don't just stop, run. In the opposite direction. As quickly as possible.

Greetings

Almost there.

my passport.

I won't be here tomorrow, so here it is, right now. I wish i was aborted. I've had enough. There's nothing i want to do right now. I didn't want to appeal, and now i no longer want to re-apply. I don't want to be on this trip where people are going to try to celebrate my birthday even when i've warned them not to. I don't want to go anywhere, anymore. And i miss my time in china.

I hereby give up.

garbage: garbage: milk; cool, i'm not

 

I am milk
I am red hot kitchen
And I am cool
Cool as the deep blue ocean

I am lost
So I am cruel
But I'd be love and sweetness
If I had you

I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you

I am weak
But I am strong
I can use my tears to
Bring you home

I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you

see you after the fifth, if i'm still around. 

gilmore girls: dear emily and richard

EMILY GILMORE: "I don't watch that much television. I don't find forensic work quite as fascinating as the rest of the world."

gilmore girls: take the deviled eggs...

SHERRY TINSDALE: "That's very nice, honey, but very unconvicing."

---

LORELAI GILMORE: "Hi, this is Sherry Tinsdale. Looks like there's a tie-up on the boulevard. They appear to be moving every building in Harvard University so now it's just 1.3 miles from my house. Nice job, guys.

RORY GILMORE: "You're awful."

LORELAI: "Oh, and lots of cars stopped at a blue light on Garvey Avenue. Why a blue light? Well, 'cause blue is the new red."

oh, and green is the new pink.

elizabeth on the bathroom floor

laying on the bathroom floor
kitty licks my cheek once more
and i, i could try
but waking up is harder when you wanna die


walter's on the telephone
tell him i am not at home
'cause i, think that i
am going to a place where i am always high


my name's elizabeth
my life is shit and piss

i love new york

If you don't like my attitude
Then you can f-off
Just go to Texas
Isn't that where they golf

New York is not for little pussies who scream
If you can't stand the heat

Then get off my street
get off my street
get off my street
you get off my street
get off my street
you get off my street
get off my street
you get off my street
get off my street
get off my street

oh, timothy, timothy

is it sad to see your cousins growing?

then hit them on their heads and stunt their growth!

gilmore girls: dead uncles and vegetables

EMILY GILMORE: 'You say "midgets" like it's so absurd.'

you can't win.

if you run a search with the words "hide" and "seek" on my blog, two entries will show up.

one, on september 11th this year, was a complete posting of the lyrics of Imgoen Heap's "Hide & Seek". it was a result of both the song being a complete and accurate representation of how i was feeling at that time, and me being to lazy to come up with a proper entry. sadly this leaves me unable to recall why i was feeling so sad at that point of time. sure as hell can't be because of September 11th itself--i don't give a rat's ass about that.

the other, on june 24th this year, still rings very true. except that there is far less that i can do about things right now.

life.

gilmore girls: it should've been lorelai

MRS. O'MALLEY: "The topic for today's debate is doctor-assisted suicide."

SOOKIE ST. JAMES: "That's pleasant."

björk

i am not watching gilmore girls. my sisters are bathing, lazing or trying to cook, hence.

i am rebuilding my iPhoto Library.

life is exciting.

gilmore housewives

here i am, watching Mary-Alice Young on Gilmore Girls.

surreal.

ok so here we go, if it works i'll let you know, one two three i say stop

save me
save me
save me
wooh

i've gotta stop my mind
working overtime
it's driving me insane
ah wooh ah wooh

it will not let me live
always so negative
it's become my enemy
ah wooh ah wooh

save me, ah ah
save me, ah ah
save me, ah wooh

save me, ah ah
save me, ah ah
save me, ah wooh

why would I think such things
crazy thoughts have quick wings
gaining momentum fast
ah wooh ah wooh

one minute i am fine
the next i've lost my mind
to a fake fantasy
ah wooh ah wooh

and none of these thoughts are real
so why is it that i feel
so cut up and so bad

i need to take control
'cause my mind is on a roll
and it isn't listening to me

save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)

save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)

mirror mirror on the wall
who's the dumbest of them all
insecurities keep growing
wasted energies are flowing

anger, pain and sadness beckon
panic sets in in a second
be aware it's just your mind
and you can stop it anytime

save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)

save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah ah
(thinking and thinking)
save me, ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)

ok so here we go
if it works i'll let you know
one two three i say stop

what cracks vsc students up.

there it is!

Sent At Eight Am

Sent At Eight Am
Originally uploaded by aklw.

Today is a bad day to wake up.

jinghui, then adrian.

happy birthday, adrian.

and happy was-a-birthday, jinghui.

i was going to get jinghui a copy of The Cardigan's "Long Gone Before Daylight", but i couldn't find one, and i wasn't cheap enough to lend her my copy as her gift.

i was going to bring a bottle of Absolut Vodka to adrian's party, but i didn't know just what kind of party it was, and decided against it. (by the way--adrian, i like you a whole lot, but i don't like your friends at all. maybe it's the toilet humor. maybe it's the level of humor. maybe it's what they take as birthday-party-conversation. maybe it's human behavoir. maybe it's the ukulele.)

i was going to get my life in order.

why do i always feel so wistful? like as if i've lived six decades and that everything is what-could-have-been.

i talked quite a bit during the first half of the long bus ride back home, to karen, and thought quite a bit during the second half of the long bus ride back home, by myself. what happens if nothing happens? what do i do?

i wish for a spectacular, stunning and stupefying accident to happen to me. something that is as obviously severe as how the rest of my life is so subtly severe, no one can see anything if you don't say a word.

i wish for a chance to do some things again. for the chance to not have done some things. for the chance to not have to do or experience some other things.

i wish for the chance to do what i like (Visual Communication), with people i like (the VSC-and-one-IMD-and-one-IAD people), when i like (now. right bloody now).

but, sadly, all i want for christmas is you.

and let's not even talk about my birthday, shall we?

last-minute-gift-girl

what happens when i ask my sister [samantha] for suggestions for adrian's birthday gift?

"i need a gift"

"come on! ask me! i'm last-minute-gift-girl! who's it for?"

"a friend"

"um, naturally! boy or girl?"

"male"

"okay i'm stumped"

me

i hate me.

i just finished the email to moses. what now?

deep sleep

so the new alarm clock? it gives up too easily.

at least i got some sleep. first twenty hours back in the country, and i don't feel great, but at least i'm not feeling worse. all that should change once i get off my butt and head for school.

be my friend.

so what happens when you run out of patience?

i got left behind. of course, there's a story explaining how, who and why, but, hello, i'm the king of stories. i can say for sure that that wasn't the truth, but it's entirely possible it was a lie. and i'm going with that right now, because i think adrian hates me. or, at least, has been scared off by me.

thanks, too, jacky. and jinghui.

housekeeping is in the room right now. apparently she's very keen on cleaning all the rooms on the floor she's assigned, 'cause when i headed out to ask her for an extra roll of toilet paper, she asked me if she could tidy up my room [i had the Do Not Disturb sign on the door]. i haven't figured out if it's just incredible work ethic or trying to case the room or my stuff, but i'm here, and my gut says it's the work ethic.

there is nothing to see in shanghai. i want to go ride the maglev train, but it seems kind of silly seeing as it only goes between the city and the airport, and shirlyn won't let me take the train to the airport on monday.

i'll hit the bund tomorrow if things get desperate. then the maglev train. should forget about M. too expensive, reservations needed, eating alone is just No.

se7en

what i really, really want to do right now is to head to the top floor of the hostel, sit on the staircase, and just mope until i feel better.

but too many people would notice, wouldn't they.

conference

"i have radiohead, christian music, and someone watching kitty-cat stuff.

i am so confused right now."

disaster struck--many times

and it all happened in Singapore, not here.

i'm in fact quite content to stay here, and not go back.

i'm not blogging as much as i thought i would be, but i think that's just because i have far less to complain about. and there's not point complaining about human beings, taking into account that that's what they are. human beings.

that's all. this made no sense whatsoever.

cold weather is your best friend

no, really, it is. i like it so much here i actually think about never going back.

this trip just proves to me that singaporeans are just sick, sad, wrong human beings.

i am the king of the world!

i have internet access! the wonders of a simple ethernet cable.

did you know that there exist people who can't grasp the concept of a wired network or wired internet access?

three minutes

i'm in someone else's session on the Free Internet access terminals at the transit mall at terminal one, so this is all i'm going to say:

see you in one month.

and now, the coffee from the bean and the tea from the leaf beckons.

i should be asleep, or otherwise doing something more constructive than what i am doing now

as above.

four line breaks

four line breaks or two with a horizontal line spanning half the page?

i can't decide between the two, and because of that my life is suddenly drawn to a complete halt. which looks better? the original formatting in the document i'm copying from had horizontal lines in it, but it's getting tiring to manually code in the horizontal lines. which wins, anal-retentiveness or natural laziness?

it's now 12:02 PM. anal-retentiveness won.

my mom is sending me to the airport tomorrow. i don't want anyone to send me there. i want to go by myself. i need a clean break.

deadline

"oh my god since when did you grow breasts?"

"my period coming."

so is this why i have sisters?

take a chance on me

“Yes, Rodney, that was my point. The world is a romance novel, and you are the main character.”

what will be, will be

this doesn't feel right. it's the last weekend before i leave for China. i should be, in the words of Betty, rocking out.

instead, here i am listening to Sympathique on my old Dell and catching up on email, livejournal, blogger and RSS. not by choice, but by default because of the lack of motivation to do anything the fuck else.

great. i just remembered to check the Detour shirt i wanted to buy online. and it's no longer for sale.

i feel sad.

i've made a huge mistake

i really, really, really do not want to go to china now.

MIDI'ed up, and into the groove

I never liked George Michael much
Although they say he was the talented one
Andrew Ridgley drew the map
That rescued me, took me to paradise

I was brought up to the sound of the synthesiser
I learned to dance to the beat of electronic drums
I came alive to the smouldering fire in your eyes
I love you now and I will 'til the day that I die

I had a tooth pulled as a child
I put it underneath my pillow
And when I looked the very next morning
There was a ten pound note

I took it to the nearest record shop
I put it down upon the counter
I gotta tell you what I know to be true
I bought my first record because of you

I was brought up to the sound of the synthesiser
I learned to dance to the beat of electronic drums
I came alive to the smouldering fire in your eyes
I love you now and I will 'til the day that I die

I love everything
I love to be around money
A daughter of negative equity
A child of Black Wednesday (Blue Monday, Black Wednesday)

This is Sarah Nixey talking
MIDI'ed up and into the groove
I've got to tell you
What I know to be true

I didn't do too well at school
They said I couldn't concentrate
The day you flew off into the sunset
Was the day my education was saved

Then years later on Kensington High Street
I saw you drive a white convertible Golf GTI
Carefully edging out into the traffic
Just like a real live human being

I was brought up to the sound of the synthesiser
I learned to dance to the beat of electronic drums
I came alive to the smouldering fire in your eyes
I love you now and I will 'til the day that I die

Daddy lost everything
Our beautiful house, his beautiful sports car
His beautiful wife, I held his hand and told him
Everything would be all right

This is Sarah Nixey talking
MIDI'ed up and into the groove
I've got to tell you
What I know to be true

I was brought up to the sound of the synthesiser
I learned to dance to the beat of electronic drums
I came alive to the smouldering fire in your eyes
I love you now and I will 'til the day that I die

I was brought up to the sound of the synthesiser
I learned to dance to the beat of electronic drums
I came alive to the smouldering fire in your eyes
I love you now and I will 'til the day that I die

look here

Look Here.

I DID NOT FUCKING WANT TO BE THE GROUP LEADER. I DID NOT NOMINATE MYSELF.

i also did not appreciate practically HALF THE FUCKING CLASS nominating me for group leader when only three people in the class are in the same group as me.

that is all.

x-type

My first uncle, his wife, and his eldest daughter have just arrived. They smell like their Jaguar, which after all this time still has that nauseating new-car smell that is actually hazardous to your health, and does nothing for me beyond giving me a migraine and nausea.

As usual, they’ve brought a half a chicken and a quarter of a pig along with them for lunch. A lunch for five people, three of which eat half that of a normal human being’s intake. I will never understand it.

The weakness is still there. The mind is unwilling, and the flesh is weak, too many things, too little desire to see anything through.

You, will be, the death, of me.

And our time is running out.

let you down

something's wrong. i go to bed at ten at night and wake at five in the evening. sleep for seven hours and have to take a three-hour nap not five hours later. and i still feel like constant shit, like moving off my bed or off my seat will stir up such shit and drain me so much, it's not worth the effort.

the China trip hasn't bored me yet, surprisingly, but it has despaired, discouraged, disheartened and i have lost the excitement of it. take, for instance, my toiletries. my mom got me what appears to be a liter of Dove body soap, and another liter of Head & Shoulders shampoo. the two bottles combined are three times the volume and twice the weight of my PowerBook. then, my aunt, after bitching and moaning about my mother's common sense, gets me a smaller double pack of Head & Shoulders shampoo and conditioner. then, my first aunt gets me a smaller bottle of Head & Shoulders shampoo. every one is making this huge fuss.

i don't think i'm going to be out of this funk any time soon, and i think this is going to be problem.

under the skin

"Give me the pen," Rodney said.

"What for?"

"I want to write liar across your stupid forehead," Rodney said.

08-19-05_1946.jpg

right. a caption for this photo is being demanded out of me, so, um. i was looking through my old photos and thought this one looked interesting? 

09-21-05_1250.jpg

09-21-05_1250.jpg
Originally uploaded by aklw.

The bus stop i'm shooting this from is named "Opp Tan Tock Seng Hosp". The one in the picture, i assume is named "Tan Tock Seng Hosp". The building you see in the picture? Is not named Tan Tock Seng Hosp. I had to trek for five minutes from the ward wing of Tan Tock Seng to get here. The nerve they have, when naming bus stops.

the shape of things to come

if this, truly, is the shape of things to come, then this might be the last season of The O.C. i watch. yes, shocking, isn't it. second episode of the season, and already so ridiculous.

i feel like i need to watch at least three episodes of something good to make up for it. but it is three AM, and i need to ration the good stuff. i don't have many episodes of Stargate Atlantis left unwatched, and the first season is nowhere near ready.

and, so i leave you with a quote from the episode:

GIRL: (after hearing SUMMER's suggestion to raffle off a hybrid instead of a gas-guzzling SUV) "Air quality, is so important?"

OTHER GIRL: "I know. We breathe it."

Why do the aliens speak English?

Q: Why do the aliens speak English?
A: Practical reasons that come with television production. The time constraints of an hour-long episode mean that it would become a major hindrance to the story each week if the team had to spend the first 10 minutes of each episode learning to communicate with a new species.

how much do i love Stargate Atlantis?

09-13-05_0116

09-13-05_0116
Originally uploaded by aklw.

this one confirm you all ne'er eat before.

09-12-05_1534.jpg

09-12-05_1534.jpg
Originally uploaded by aklw.

Apparently, royston's ones are bigger.

the bluest light

god, i should go and fracking sleep now. only two hours of air-conditioning left.

the intense desire to throw everything at a wall or through a window

yes, it's back, again. sadly what i had in hand was what i was going to give to nelsie for her birthday. but i guess that doesn't fucking matter now, does it?

09-11-05_1912.jpg

09-11-05_1912.jpg
Originally uploaded by aklw.

...
won't break me down,
won't brick me up,
won't fence me in.

free ruler

Note: Free Ruler is only available for Mac OS X. It may work on Mac OS 9, but this has not been tested. It most definitely will not work on your stupid Windows PC.

messages - nelsie tay

i can't post the same thing twice in a row, so this will have to do.

what the hell, is going on?

Where are we?
What the hell
Is going on?

The dust has only just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking, feeling

Spin me round again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening

When busy streets
Amess with people would stop to hold
Their heads heavy

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears
They were here first

Umm, what'd you say, ohh
That you only meant well?
Well, 'course you did

Umm, what'd you say, umm,
That it's all for the best
Of course it is

Umm, what'd you say, hmm
That it's just what we need
You decided this

Umm, what'd you say, hmm
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk
Newspaper word cut-outs

Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

(Hide and seek)
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk
Newspaper word cut-outs

(Hide and seek)
Speak no feeling, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

You don't care a bit
Oh no, you don't care a bit
Oh no, you don't care a bit
Oh no, you don't care a bit

You don't care a bit

You don't care a bit

oh, god.

oh, god.

that is all. two words. call me what you will, but i don't think anything encapsulates my current stew of feelings as well as those two words.

and that was dawn

and that was dawn tan, reporting live from the VSC studios of TP DES. and, dawn, i checked. it's "Chine".

aaron is happy cause he is going to Chinos.

haha...aaron.90 bloody buck for IDN conference.
going? i think hmm.

je ne veux pas tout

there are only three green lights on my adium contact list right now. one is always green no matter what he is doing, so no point saying anything. another is going off to work soon, and the last one i'm not exactly close to.

so what's a lonesome person to do at five thirty in the morning?

i don't know. why am i awake, anyway? i missed the briefing yesterday because i spent too much time worrying about missing the briefing and hence couldn't sleep.

i ended up waking very, very late. so late it's not even funny. so here i am. there's another briefing today, and i tried to go to sleep earlier.

no dice.

so here i am, not sleeping. the only way to guarantee i will be awake when i have to be.

i've listened to, all night long, Sympathique, tracks from Our Little Corner Of The World: Music From Gilmore Girls, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, and The Powerpuff Girls: Heroes And Villans.

yes, happy music, for the most part. i think i'm trying to hard to be happy, and it's even harder because i'm so very not happy. i tend to do certain things when i'm severely depressed--beyond my normal chronic depression, that is--and lately i think i've covered all the major points. alternating between eating a whole lot and eating nothing at all, not even trying not to be completely irritable all the time, not speaking at all, saying only nasty things, not doing anything that will count for working towards the things i want to work for, giving up on everything, appearing to wake up on the wrong side of my mattress when there isn't any other side to wake up on, wanting to throw all my things all over the place, et cetera, et cetera.

what am i going to do? what do you do when you hate everything and everyone and love everything and everyone and need everything and everyone, all at the same time? do you go to China? will it help?

what do you do? what do i do?

huh must watch lost ah? dowan already

TELEVISION: "... and win tickets to STOMP! ..."

SAMARIA KHOO: "eh i want!"

--FIVE SECONDS LATER--

SAMARIA: "huh must watch Lost ah? dowan already."

but it's impossible

i want to wake my PowerBook and check my email. but i can't for the next two hours at least.

i want to go to the flea market at zouk that's opening in two hours. but i can't unless i be thick-skinned and ask rosemarie to cover me for a few hours and take care of my grandfather by herself.

i want. but all i have is sitting here with my phone, texting.

mad world

i am mad at the world. fuck off and try again next business day.

the spinning pinwheel-rainbow-beachball of death

i don't see why the fuck i should get the fucking spinning pinwheel-rainbow-beachball of death just because i've pressed the spacebar to scroll down one page on the webpage i'm reading.

i really do no see any reason why.

09-02-05_2201.jpg

09-02-05_2201.jpg
Originally uploaded by aklw.

She's crazy.

Je veux

Everyone's snoring. I can't sleep.

Today's the last day of term. I feel... sad. And I have a weird sense of foreboding.

If i don't pull myself together soon... I don't know. I might never? But one surely cannot live like this.

Je veux seulement oubiler,
Et puis je sieste.

tickets to the Opera

Opera is throwing a 10-year birthday party and is handing out free registration codes to anyone who signs up at their site today [the US today, I don’t know what time that’s until].

http://my.opera.com/community/party/

That’s the link. Go try it out, Opera is a decent alternative browser, and said to be the fastest on the market.

Kill yourself, or get over it.

If you're ever contemplating killing yourself and need someone to talk you out of it, do not, under any circumstances, call kenneth foo.

That is all.

time is on my side

Cerys Matthews [of the now-defunct band Catatonia] covered The Rolling Stones' "Time Is On My Side" for a Mercedes-Benz ad in 2002. i want that song, that ad, a sixty-second mp3 ripped straight from the commercial, SOMETHING.

"chocolate charlie and the factory"

my brother just said the above.

it's not cute. he's fifteen.

08-24-05_2129

08-24-05_2129
Originally uploaded by aklw.

smile like you mean it.

comment spam (actual)

sorry kids. i had to switch word verification on for commenting. just far too much spam. i hope this doesn't discourage anyone from commenting, though, 'cause that would just mean that the spam won.

i've found cupcakes

White Cupcakes

Makes 3 dozen


4 1/2 cups sifted cake flour (not self-rising)

2 tablespoons baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups milk

1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract

1 cup plus 2 tablespoons (2 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

2 1/4 cups sugar

7 large egg whites

1. Preheat oven to 350°. Line cupcake or muffin tins with papers; set aside. Into a medium bowl, sift together cake flour, baking powder, and salt. Combine milk and vanilla in a glass measuring cup.

2. Place butter in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, and beat until pale and creamy. With mixer on medium speed, gradually add sugar in a steady stream; continue beating until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Reduce speed to low.

3. Add flour mixture to butter mixture in three batches, alternating with the milk mixture and starting and ending with the flour. Do not overbeat.

4. In a clean bowl of electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat egg whites on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form. Fold one-third of the whites into flour mixture to lighten. Fold in remaining egg whites in two batches, being careful not to deflate the whites.

5. Pour batter into prepared tins, filling cups to about 1/2 inch from the tops. Bake until a cake tester inserted near the centers comes out clean and the tops spring back when pressed lightly in the center, 18 to 20 minutes. Remove from oven; let cool completely before icing or storing.

From Martha Stewart Living. That Martha sure knows how to live. Now all I need are the above ingredients, a cupcake tin, my treasured Braun mixer back, and an oven. I might need a whisk, too. I don’t think I’ve spotted one here before.

cupcake

I am craving me a cupcake. One with rich icing on it. Strangely I don’t want a chocolate cupcake, I want a buttercream or vanilla or even a lemon cupcake, but IT MUST HAVE ICING.

Yeah, I’m a few bricks short of a wall at a moment. Back next week.

No, wait, might not be back next week. Don’t count on that.

rare ram

i want two hundred twenty-five dollars to upgrade the Dell. ninety-five to get a 512 MB stick of [very rare and amazingly cheap right now and probably not for long] RDRAM, and the rest for a 7200rpm, 120GB, 8MB buffer hard disk drive. and i could even donate the smaller drive it'd be replacing to kenneth for his broken eMac. save him two bundles by not only giving him a free hard drive but also convincing him to install it DIY instead of going to a shop.

sadly my mom's not very understanding with regard to why technology is needed and why upgrading is necessary at all [for us it's years between computer upgrades, and that's only after bitching about the slow PC for at least a year prior, to the point where i've given up hope of ever getting funding to upgrade the Dell to make it more decent to run].

if only i had the ninety-five dollars. the hard disk drive upgrade isn't as crucial as the need to have more than 256MB of RAM.

o/cd

this is going to be a stay at home weekend, i guess. i don't know why this upsets me now, when i used to be perfectly content staying at home on weekends, doing nothing. right now though it's driving me freaking nuts. it doesn't make sense--not everyone goes out every weekend, right?

sympatico

I've only just realized this, but i'm slowly sliding backwards.

Once again, my mind is thinking of a million questions and problems a minute but comes up with no answers or solutions. Doesn't shut down or switch off or even slow down unless severely distracted, affecting all faculties and function, including sleep. Always angry, pissed off, upset, worrying or bitching about something.

I don't want to have to think so much. I don't want to have to think, period. I don't want to work. I don't want to lunch. I want only to forget. And then I sleep.

08-21-05_1516.jpg

08-21-05_1516.jpg
Originally uploaded by aklw.

Royston's music? Must be some bad shit, man.

andalucia

For some reason, I have suddenly and recently become very afraid of being by myself.

Also, apologies for the stunningly accurate capitalization. I’m trying out the Blogger For Word plug-in.

Surprisingly, amos was the only one that questioned if my motives for wanting to transfer into VSC were right. If I felt pressured to transfer and join VSC because all my friends in design school were either all there [check] or close to the people in VSC [check].

While I can say it’s not the main, pressing reason, I can’t pretend it's not or deny the fact that it’s an issue. They're great people, and there is just no one in PID. But what about when [if!] I transfer to VSC? What if, after my friends graduate, I’m back to the desolate feeling I have when I was in my first PID semester? Will loving the work at VSC more than the work at PID keep me moving?

I think I’m making a huge mistake. And I think the fact that everyone’s leaving for the China trip very soon, with me by myself here, is a huge, ginormous, pink-elephant-in-the-room indication of my future to come. It’s so weird that I have such abandonment issues when I should feel used to being abandoned by now. I actually have become open to going to China and actually experiencing the country and the people, first-handing, with relatively minimal bitching, if it meant I didn’t have to be by myself here, and could have one of those vital coming-of-age experiences with a group of good friends, overseas, experiencing a new country and a new culture.

That’s just not going to happen.

“Subject to approval”. My third cousin, daughter of my first uncle, just said that in the conversation they’re having next to me. I feel like that’s what I am now. Subject to approval.

also

i hate the china trip. i don't want to hear about it. really.

command Q, command Z

yes, i waited too long. but that's me, isn't it.

how

i breezed in and attempted to breeze right into hon's office and get it done. the faster you do it, the less pain there is, right?

no. he wasn't in his office. and rumor has it he's gone home. i'll call every quarter hour until six pm.

i'm spinning around

i'm experiencing that weird sensation again.

the one where i'm perfectly still but feel like i'm spinning like a bloody top.

perry

i just came back from my cut at Toni & Guy Academy. it's neater but not much shorter. and having sat there for three hours while the student hairdresser tried to figure out my hair, i wasn't really motivated to ask him to get it even shorter after he asked me once and cut off another half-inch. i'll probably end up going back in less than a month.

and so that this isn't one of those one-paragraph posts, here is another sentence thrown into the mix just for the heck of it.

profusion

and i know, i can feel bad
when i get in a bad mood
and the world can look so sad ...
...

the day after

so, last night i went to my primary school's 88th anniversary alumni dinner. and today kailyn came online from NUS. i said:

kill yourself, or get over it. says: (1:19:07 PM)
hi

and, promptly, she said:

kai's favourite bags says: (1:19:27 PM)
hey i have diarrhoea do you

tomorrow's monday.

... and i don't feel like talking about it any more.

08-14-05_1629

08-14-05_1629
Originally uploaded by aklw.

total bitch lip balm.

for those who demand the very best.

weirdest dreams.

i'm having the weirdest dreams again.

boreders

borders is open until midnight at the weekend. wonder how i never noticed that.

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory was interesting. i don't like it because it strayed far too far from Roald Dahl's book, but it would have been fantastic if it hadn't. it was visually perfect and aurally amazing. shame about the script.

i am buying three CDs later. i shouldn't, but i am.

fucking fuckity fuck-fuck

Apple just emailed me about the new iBook. and i have just come to realization that Royston's new iBook is actually faster than my PowerBook.

sous la pluie

why does it rain now, when i can't enjoy it?

where the fuck is my fucking coffee?

i left eleven packets of Aik Cheong Ice Coffee in the shared locker. i clearly labeled them as mine, and to ask before taking any. i wasn't asked if any could be taken. none are left.

where the fucking fuck is my fucking coffee that i had to buy from fucking melaka?

A perfect slurpee

You may have woken up late, on the wrong side of the bed, gotten to the hospital and had to discuss unpleasant things, but life can't be that bad if you can still get a perfect cherry slurpee, can it?

mac at mac's

finally, a mac-based post.

i'm at McDonald's Takashimaya now. ordering royston's iBook and iPod. and he can't think of what to laser-engrave on his iPod.

sigh.

boys

second Windows post in a row.

i'm at alvin chow's house now. and i have a huge problem.

no, i'm not going to say what it is. but anyway, today i dropped my iPod, and my RAZR, the former of which has two dents on the back and the latter of which has a blunted edge. all because i was carrying xuan's adidas jersey and i got called twice at the same time by pat and dax.

and the lot of them are inebriated. post-Lancer-joyride, post-Ploop!, post-SlapJack, post-mahjong, post-whiskey, post-port, post-broken beer mug.

ruiwen is so wasted he's spent the night giggling and coming on to us whilst swinging a tennis racquet around.

what am i doing? and i'm supposed to be going out later today? didn't i promise myself to stop going to these things?

my resolve? it's slipping

i just booted a windows machine just to upload my phone's pictures. if it wasn't for that silly bug in my motorola's software that times out bluetooth browsing of its pictures folder once the number of items in it goes over certain unknown number...

oh well. i have my A&F photos. i'm happy. i wonder if crap shots taken by a hack using a RAZR that are 640 x 480 pixels can form part of a portfolio.

lazy-hazy-crazy days

i've managed to clear up my desktop to the point that there're now three spots for new icons to appear.

shooting Polaroids with the classic, old-style camera was fun. well, not so much fun, but surreal, lazy-hazy-crazy, soothing, that kind of thing. sitting in the middle of a soccer field, in my Levi's, Kenneth Coles, Topman blazer and Heineken Rugby World Cup jersey, surfing the internet on my PowerBook and listening to Ron Sexsmith, Leona Naess, Imogen Heap and the like. dawn obsessing and shooting and jinghui blowing bubbles all over the field and sitting on Terence's chair in front of a goal post, reading a book. and, then, me on the same chair in the same place, reading my PowerBook. it felt so Abercrombie & Fitch-y. Casual Luxury. exactly what i'd want to do if were ever to do a fashion shoot. in any case, it was, at worst, like we were shooting Shooting Stars and i was Taufik-in-a-blazer. okay, ew.

i also got Minute Maid Lemonade on my PowerBook and RAZR today, the latter of which i'd just finished paying off. now i'm waiting to see how long i can hold out with the waiting game before i put the battery back in and fire it up, fingers crossed and eyes wanting to shut but staying open.

just one of those lazy-hazy-crazy days. i decided to block out the bits of the day that weren't entirely complementary to the lazy-hazy surreal feel.

Sociology 101

jinghui: "i am very dying."

do i quit?

dare i?

it makes no sense to keep on going nowhere.

it makes no sense to keep on.

25th August.

divorce

it would be so much easier if they weren't married to begin with.

"Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume

Je ne suis pas fière de ça
Vie qui veut me tuer
C'est magnifique
Être sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais"