wistful

spent another useless Friday of school waiting for the 12:30 bell to ring. [i've only 35 mins of geography on friday. PE & Cheena aren't exactly critical subjects] difference was, today was also the release of 2002 'O' Level results.

there are details i won't mention here, for fear of persecution from the Ministry Of Education. therefore, this account begins at 1230.

1230 after relentless hounding from my ex-classmates, i tell them that i was in class, and now have to run over to my aunt's place to check her computer. she claimed it was an emergency, that she needed to print something important. there was no way i could leave her to flounder on her own [1) she's in a wheelchair 2) her computer is often her only means of income as a real estate agent 3) i once spent 20 mins rigged up to my Ericsson through a headset, trying to get her to tell me the HP printer for which se installed a driver. i felt, and probably looked, like Sandra Bullock hooked up to her Motorola at her desk in Two Weeks' Notice]

1430 two grueling hours later, i managed to leave my aunt, peace restored. unfortunately, the results were already being given out.

1604 arrived at school. hall emptied.

i ended up meeting, by chance, Ian, David, Munbbill and Daniel, absolutely by chance, as they were chatting with Mrs Raj. helped her out a little, and got a lift home in her new Nissan Sunny Luxury Edition. not exactly an inspired choice, but then again not exactly a Proton Wira, either. apparently the poor Wira was in a two-car-collision last Friday The Thirteenth. she said she would have bought a Nissan 350Z if she hadn't sent her son off to Melborne, Dell Insprion laptop and all. Mrs Raj driving a 3.5 liter sports coupé? cool.

but, before you think i had some miraculous breakthrough, i was more depressed than ever inside. actually, wistful's the word i'd use.

"for what it's worth - I love you!
and what is worse - I really do
for what it's worth - I'm gonna run run run
'til the sweetness gets to you
and what is worse - I love you!"

- "For What It's Worth", The Cardigans

haha x 7 - ha

Prefects' Investiture
estimated attendance: 1024
number who really wanted to be there: 14
remarks: this is a waste of time

Head Prefect's Speech
estimated attentive: 24
number of times audience was looked at in speech: 0
remarks: who are you addressing?!

GoH Speech
estimated attentive: 33
estimated wowed by wit: 0
remarks: you're not witty, you know. stop trying.

Prefects' Pledge
estimated silent: 1016
estimated jokers: 8
remarks: ain't this pledge for prefects-to-be-inducted only?

Prefects' Dance
recognized song: 1024
thought it was a good choice: 5
remarks: how many different songs can the same choreography be used in?

Prefects' Song
seconds the swaying started early by: 15
seconds after which no-one was listening: 5
remarks: who wrote that thing?!

Band Performance
songs played: 1
songs enjoyed: 1
remarks: oh, so this is why we're here.

and as you can guess, it was a complete load of crap. except for the band bit. fabulous as ever. oh, and this is eVSPB. what is with the waves and color scheme? since when have they branched out into catering and party entertainment, in addition to their indispensable ushering service?

got a taste of what the O level results would feel like for me when the ex-prefects came back for the investiture. nervous laughter and awkward conversation all round. then they all left for a function at VJC. maybe i should just disappear tomorrow. who wants to hang around The Retainee anyway?

"And I'm losing my favorite game
You're losing your mind again
I'm losing my baby,
Losing my favorite game

- "My Favorite Game", The Cardigans

Been It.

it's monday again. we were unceremoniously dumped at my aunt's place, where the Lim family was playing Mahjong. my mom decided to head over to her friend's place to play mahjong, taking one of my sisters home first.

this resulted in our reaching home, with the 'portable' [i had to collapse it and lug it to the car] mahjong table and half-finished pot of spaghetti, at midnight, in the back of a silver Toyota RAV4 L.

needless to say, i was pissed. and that screwed the monday that followed. sleeping only five hours, i headed off to school in a newly-bought, starched-up, damned-uncomfortable shirt. why did i buy a new shirt? so i would be less uncomfortable on mondays, with a tie.

oh, and i got like, 25/25 on my maths CA1. suppressing vague memories of being awarded first in level in primary one, i chose to raise my eyebrows. my mom barely lifted one when i told her.

"Poor donee,
What are you gonna try to be?
Where are you gonna go without me, now?

I've been your mother,
I've been your father
You couldn't ask me for more

I've been your sister,
I've been your mistress
Maybe I was your whore

You couldn't ask me for more"

- "Been It", The Cardigans

Do you care whether your phone looks trendy?

0.714285714286 marks per minute. or 1.4 minutes per mark. those, according the icon marked Calc on my Palm Vx, is the mark/time ratio for my 25-mark, 35-minute core geography paper today.

i finished enough to, if i got all that i wrote down right, just pass with 13 marks. two and a half parts out of seven. it's not bloody enough. ELECTIVE geography students get 45 minutes to work on their paper.

i was enraged. when mdm kwok [the geog teacher] came into class and made a fuss about not being able to enter through the front door, it was pushing the limit. but when Doraemon was called in to 'ambush' the late comers [from PE] and those in PE uniform, i blew my fuse. my pencil, which was already broken into two, was now in at least six pieces.

it took all of my trouble-avoidance-system to stop myself from pointing out, bluntly or otherwise, that more time would be saved letting them stay in their PE uniform [especially those who had AOP later] than to come in, swagger around, congratulate those who were in normal uniform already, and ensure that the rest all change before 10:15 am. the geography class starts at 10:10 am. PE ends at 10:00 am. we can start on time, without sacrificing the 5 minutes if those who do not want to or need more time to change can stay in their PE uniform until recess. however, this simple theory does not seem to fit in with the 24th Century robotic cat's logic.

then there was the door. what's so disdainful about entering through the back door? it's in no way a longer or shorter route to the staff room. does she want a red carpet next time? perhaps madamé would like a cooling iced tea while she waits for the monitor, sent up four floors, to get the key? or how about a warm hot chocolate while she's inside?

i will not mention the outcome of my Cheena paper, as i deliberately did not study for it. i will not submit myself to the ancient-Confucian-rote-'learning'-system for a CA, especially if i'm gonna risk failing other subjects for 'vocabulary' i won't remember five minutes after the test. i'll save it for the Prelims and the Os.

however, all this only served to depress me a lot after i got over the initial rage. plus, i saw alvin lim get picked up by his wife after school. thought about how lucky he is to have someone care enough to drive all the way out to pick him up.

this + academic pointlessness + dismal Cheena score + definite failure in geography = listening to Across The Universe, Drops of Jupiter & Demons on loop, and tearing up on the bus. what a loser. i mean, on an SBS bus of all things. it'll be the bus-stop next.

oh, one last thing. did the Matchmaker thing on the Nokia website, to see which one of their exquisite models they'd recommend the likes of me. here's the third question:

Do you care whether your phone looks trendy?

one of the answers to choose from was "Yes, of course!" [sheep! ba-aaa!!!]

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha !!!

- "Demons (featuring Macy Gray)", Fatboy Slim

Drops Of Jupiter

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Your best friend always sticking up for you,
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance,
Five-hour phone conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?"

-"Drops Of Jupiter", Train

somehow, i don't think i ever need to imagine.

The Point

i think you're in serious trouble if you wake up thinking about the point of your own existence. the problem being that my mind decided that there was no point.

usually, i wake up, register that the alarm is waking and that my eyes are open, before i start philosophizing. but for the last two mornings, i don't even get past the alarm. before i hear or see anything, i register the apparent pointlessness of my mortality.

great start to the day, huh? better than a rousing breakfast of some Listerine [to rinse my mouth with, not to swallow] and Malaccan coffee. the rest of the day can't get any better, of course: yesterday i tried to kill 2 hours slumming at Toa Payoh HDB Hub after school with Pat [who wanted to buy a Body Shop gift pack for V-Day] and Ivan [who wanted to trade in his Nokia 8250 for a Nokia 8310. feeling pointless, i decided not to try and persuade him otherwise], then had a mock-disaster as me, my two sisters and my mom made our way to Bouna Vista to replace the two aforementioned madamés' misplaced School Smart Cards.

we arrived at 5:10 pm. TransitLink's 7-11-sized "Customer Service Centre" closed at 5 and was no longer accepting queue-ers. we trudged back to the car.

i will not even mention the fiasco in school. that Teckhua™ is retarded, completely without shame & just plain illogical is common knowledge. alarming how i know this after just one month in the class.

today, it was painfully obvious that i was older than everyone else. other times that this surfaced was on LNY eve [when all and alumni came back to visit and gush JC], and when the 2002 yearbook was given out [it was basically a A4-sized maroon beacon alerting me to the fact that My Time Had Passed]

however, today it was the level of maturity that i experienced that made me wince. this can be attributed to the problem of being in the close proximity of Teckhua™  [he was bare-socked today because his colored shoes were confiscated by the DM, and he spent his time either sleeping in class, or justifying his unconsciousness], but watching Pleasantville with the color-blind was simply [insert adjectival expletive here]. oh, the irony.

Matt stated that no-one in the class except him knew the song that was featured at the end of Pleasantville. Across The Universe. Fiona Apple. and, yes, i know that it was originally written by The Beatles.

hmm. that came out harsher than intended. what the hell.

i spent 5 hours today waiting at the TransitLink "Customer Service Center" again. basically not following instructions, my two wonderful sisters made us mooch around there twice as long as we had to. i couldn't even get my rebates cause the machine was broken, which begged the question of why the hell i was there.

- "Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)", Garbage

The New Mercedes-Benz S600L with PRE-SAFE

ah. coffee. felt much better today, and actually managed to crack up some. if this were a Monday, i'd be disgusted with myself. laughter is alright on a Wednesday, i guess.

Pat & Matt discovered the joys of my Palm Vx today. spent part of my free period sending a Porsche operator logo to Matt's 8210 [it went off, and i had no idea which profile was silent. Note To All Nokia Users: Stop Renaming Your Profile Names. at least the message alert wasn't the annoying beep-beep-beep-BEEP-BEEP-beep-beep-beep "SMS" tone], which he promptly wanted to change at recess. why can't Nokians make up their minds? first Xpress-On covers, now operator logos. strangely enough, though, i'm not annoyed.

took 105 with my sis home from tuition. single-decker, as usual, due the laws of physics dictating that a double-decker model cannot fit under the CTE's Braddell flyover. the bus was so fucking crowded. why can't they just demolish the fucking flyover so we can commute in comfort?

they played this Merc ad on TVmobile, depicting an S-Class being driven rather spiritedly, and how the PRE-SAFE features would be prepared to prevent the S-Class's occupants from injury.

Right.

99% of Merc drivers in singapore wouldn't know good steering if it bit them in the testicles. try something to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome, after long hours with one thumb on the wheel and four fingers on the dashboard. and let's not forget the other arm hanging out the window, possibly holding a cigarette. they need an ashtray near the wing-mirror. in fact, replace the wing mirror with an ashtray. who looks in it anyway?

also, the bus driver must have thought he was driving The New Mercedes-Benz S600L, because he treated the brake pedal as an on-off switch. everyone else was slipping and sliding about the place, with the seated elderly staring at us as if we were purposely sliding about.

saw yet another motorcycle accident on the road. motorcyclists are really the scourge of the universe, second to Merc drivers who think that their three-pointed-star gives them automatic right-of-way. you'd have to be pretty delusional to want to wrap yourself round a two-wheeled vehicle that requires speed for stability.

- "Breaking Up The Girl", Garbage

the aftermath

spent yesterday sleeping till two and basically wallowing. didn't drink coffee today. went to school and pissed e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e off. came home and there was a fucking buffet on the dining table. my mom was throwing a mahjong party. normal people throw dinner parties. my mom is, therefore, not normal. no-one worth talking to came online. managed to finish the vicvox2003 page.

- "#1 Crush", Garbage

Cheena Day, Part 2

"simply tormenting"

"you couldn't have paid me to do it again"

"is suicide legal?"

my idiot brother broke my Olympus C-2020 Zoom digital camera today. he simply grabbed hold of the lens aperture and pulled the whole thing off. a bit like castration.

it was, and still is, the only thing my useless father has bought for me in 12 years.

Olympus Singapore says that it is a Japanese model [yea, i really needed you to tell me that. i HAVE actually turned the damn thing on before, YOU KNOW?] and therefore it does not provide support for it, even though it is, hardware-wise, identical to the C-2040 Zoom.

the entire world can go and fuck off right now.

- "13 X Forever", Garbage

Mercedes-Benz 520i & Cheena Day, Part 1

so here we go. day two/one [depending on whether you count the eve] of Cheena New Year. we woke up round 10 - 11am, ushering in the new year by being lazy slobs.

trooping over to my granddad's house, we spent roughly an hour being patronized by relatives i wouldn't accept angbaos from or willingly spend that much of my time with, if it wasn't absolutely necessary. i managed to spend some good time unwasted, in talking to my two aunts and my granddad, though. especially with my first aunt, who i thought was going to freak out about me retaining, being the academic sort that she is. [not that that isn't a good thing] but she was very encouraging, which is more than i can say for my mother, who has said nothing positive since the day my retention was decided.

at my granddad-in-law's place, things were much warmer. the adults launched into mahjong, and us kids were left to our own vices, namely the PlayStation and blackjack with my aunt's boyfriend.

my mom left at 6 for another mahjong session. later i would find out that she would not make it home until 9 am the next morning. my second aunt's boyfriend, Samuel, offered to take us out to see a movie later on, but all the tickets for Shanghai Knights were either booked or sold, and i wouldn't watch Hero [a) it's frankly too Cheena for me b) Matt gave it a really lousy review. ok, so he was talking about the subtitles, but it sounded laughable], so we didn't even check listings for that. we ended up blackjacking and PlayStationing until 10 or so.

i made over a thousand Monopolian dollars [we played with Monopoly money, each starting with $500] at blackjack, and won six out of seven races at the PlayStation [Gran Turismo, Gran Turismo 2, Le Mans 24]. i discovered that not only is Garbage featured on the GT2 soundtrack [I Think I'm Paranoid, but i knew this about a year ago], but As Heaven Is Wide is also featured in GT1.

my third aunt sent us home in her Honda Stream. we got home around 11, and i was up till 2 remodeling this site and IMing Matt.

something i noticed today. the BMW 520i is becoming increasingly popular. it's all Performance Motor's fault. they have this overtrade scheme to entice those looking for a cheap means of showing off the wealth they either don't have or desperately need to display. they need to clear stock to accommodate the first new 5-series in what must be 10 years. i mean, more power to BMW [as opposed to an exceedingly opulent [vulgar] Mercedes-Benz E200], but now it's just as common as the Toyota Corolla, Nissan Sunny and, of course, the evergreen towkay's choice, the Merc E-Class. Sheep. Baa-aaa-aaa. Strike one car off the 'my-first-car-list' [second-hand or otherwise]

- "As Heaven Is Wide", Garbage