family = big fucking headache

my mother dug into another dig about family today.

about how you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. about how we would understand that once we have families of our own.

i stated for the record, again, that i was not interested in having a family of my own. that i do not want some woman to live with, for ever, and i do not want anything sliding out of the uterus of said woman. the biggest troubles of my life thus far have mostly been of the female gender. i am not going to have a family of my own.

she told me i cannot possibly be sure, at this age and maturity, about what i want for myself. and that she's seen people older and more matured that have gone back on things they've sworn on. then she added that if i didn't want a family of my own, i should treasure the one i've got--there isn't going to be any other.

family is not one husband, one wife, and two-point-five kids. i do not want a wife and two-point-five kids. it is, in fact, this family of one husband, one wife, and four kids that have put me off a family with a wife and two-point-five kids.

one of my biggest recent mistakes, on par with choosing to do Product & Industrial Design, is getting my aunt to take my siblings in, to have them move in with me. thus far they have mostly offered nothing but more trouble, more nagging, more ear-bending, and now, enormous pressure under which i can do nothing. they are for the most part ignorant of what it means to be living off someone else, what they should do, how they should behave, what they should say and when they should do things.

if you don't like living here, if you don't want to live here, if you don't want to abide and follow and behave and fucking clean up after your fucking selves, then move the fuck out. you have a choice. you are not being forced to live here and do things. if you choose to live here, act it. if you choose to not act fittingly, move the fuck out. at this point i can honestly say i do not care where the fuck you lot go.

worse, my "parents" have decided that since their children are humanly surviving somewhere (who cares where exactly), it is hence okay to shirk their responsibilities and either fuck off to Papua New Guinea or fuck off into a life of whatever the fuck her secret life is.

one day, when they have grown up and matured, they will see what they've done. i cannot see maturity in any member of my family, from my father to my youngest sibling. your father does not want you. your mother does not want you. what are you going to do now?

when i got them moved in, i did not know what i did. now that i know, i cannot move them back out. they, however, are completely capable of getting themseleves chased out. and one day, when i really tire of covering their backs and my own, it will happen.

i don't want to change my surname. i don't want another family.

i want to get out.