fools like me

such a bad weekend, week, then weekend.

in point form:

SATURDAY
-hobo@bank

SUNDAY
-went out for cake for rosemarie's birthday and meet-up with pre-break-up rong and dax
-asked my siblings to come over for pizza and cake
-brother throws tantrum because he missed bus and doesn't want to come any more
-we celebrate the birthday
-head back home with siblings to bring over the vacumm cleaner, stay over and do some cleaning-up the next morning

MONDAY
-i couldn't sleep until five-thirty AM because my father snored and the air-conditoner dripped water constantly
-at six-thirty my father switched on the television
-at six-forty five he fell asleep. incredulous, i switch it back off and try to get some sleep again
-at seven-thirty, he switches one the television again
-i leave
-arrive back at kallang and slept the afternoon away, after much effort trying to get asleep

TUESDAY TO THURSDAY
-sleep cycle ruined, i spend the week up till six, unable to sleep
-in a bid to condition myself back to normal sleeping hours, i only sleep four hours each time
-bid is in vain
-on wednesday, father calls at kallang at eleven thirty PM because he wants to draw four thousand--two before midnight, two after
-rong and dax break up, then fight over jamie
-i pre-order Mac OS X Tiger, one copy of which is to be delievered to ken
-ken realizes he will the in Thailand on the day Tiger is released

FRIDAY
-start to use caffine to jumpstart my day, hoping the crash would come at a timely hour that conicides with normal sleeping hours
-Tiger was to arrive today, but at an undeterminable time. put self on house arrest to wait for package
-Tiger arrived at seven, one hour after the official singaporean launch. which also happens to be dinnertime here
-installed and explored Tiger, then headed out to pick up my sister at Toa Payoh, where i develop yet another new-fangled allergic-to-going-out rash and buy an Oral-B/Braun toothbrush that turns out to not have a timer

SATURDAY
-brunch at Imperial Teochew Restaurant with grandpa, first aunt, second aunt, aunt-of-sorts and rosemarie, plus sister and brother as hangers-on
-shopping and wheeling at Takashimaya and Ngee Ann City
-back home, try to contact rong to settle on time and meet for checking out gramaphone's cd warehouse sale. she doesn't answer her mobile
-sister, who stayed out after brunch to meet with friends, calls me to go out and meet her for dinner. i agree, after listening to the extended ringing of rong's phone for several calls's time
-rong calls. i have to cancel on her
-i meet my sister, i picked up some things at Watson's including hair dye for my aunt-of-sorts
-we head to HarborFront Center to meet my other sister, who was at sentosa
-we meet Matin, who is malay, who my sister doesn't yet know likes her a lot, even though i can tell right off
-we blast through Cold Storage, and Matin takes off
-we are the last customers at Pastamania!, and they forget an order of Spagehtti Bolognese which they compensate for with a free tiramisu
-we head back to kallang, stop at mcdonald's, head back to aunt's
-we watch Gilmore Girls
-fin

SUNDAY
-wake late
-head out late
-arrived at emerson's enormous O.C.-esque house for fantastic O.C.-esque rager
-only one of my primary schoolmates still recongizes me [another two do because i've seen them just prior to the party], even though i recognize every one of them. apparently i've changed a lot
-mucking around, gossiping, catching up, reminiscing, generally having the best time i've had so far this year
-was in awe of what everyone was doing with their lives, though i never let it show

MONDAY
-near midnight it comes to light that one of my ex-schoolmates has had a lot to drink
-reports claim she'd downed beers, vodka, bacardi, red wine, white wine, a red/white wine mix and a improvised white wine and raspberry 7-up 'pink champange'
-spends the entire time from eleven to six AM in a stupor, running around the house, with the four of us that stayed over chasing her around the house making sure she doesn't fall a) into the pool, b) down a flight of stairs, or c) onto glasses she breaks
-near six AM she finally goes down and stays down. everyone catches about three hours of sleep
-wake, have breakfast, muck around the house, muck around the pool, shower/change, and we leave
-accidentally leave my custom-print t-shirt behind. will have to go back and get it
-get back to kallang around two, unpack, shower, gradually fall asleep
-am awoken at six. mother is here soon to take up to dinner for alastair's birthday, and anyway first aunt is back soon
-drag myself out of bed, clean up, and go. mom drives us to sembawang, to slighting cool-in-a-quaint-way Bottle Tree Town, where we discover the waiting time for a table is over an hour
-we explore the place a little and decide to go to Bullfrog at Novena Square instead
-on the way out of sembawang, drunken girl's mother calls. i supply some details, explain when and where she left us and what she said she was going to [an interview], and tell her what went on last night
-eventually i curtly told her that i met her daugther for the first time in six years last night, and that i have no idea what she did or was doing. wondering how the hell she contacted me, i end the conversation
-over dinner, my father calls, pissed that i his pre-paid card hasn't been topped up. i told him i was too busy, and didn't listen to what else he had to say, grunting when appropiate and flipping the phone shut when he hung up
-it comes out that my brother got caught smoking. it wasn't news to me, but my attitude was of nonchalance--it's not my life to ruin or save. i then decided that i had enough self-destructive people in my life, and that it was time to start cutting back
-i get back to kallang. they know about the smoking, because my father came over and shot his mouth off in a blind and sadly misguided bid to get my first aunt to take in my brother. i get pissed off, spend the rest of the evening ranting and talking to my aunt-of-sorts and rosemarie
-and here i am.

i cried a little on the way back from Bullfrog, in my mother's Sunny, to no one's knowledge. hanging out with my primary school classmates--i had never hung out with people that made me feel so comfortable with myself in, like, forever. and because of two major mistakes commited to my life, i probably will never find myself any more comfortably comfortable again, bar being invited to any more class gatherings. i dropped out of that social circle when my father screwed up my appeal into The Chinese High School and stuck me with Victoria School. i lost any real chance of re-entry when my parents and Ang Pow Chew decided it was in my best interest to retain me one extra year at the end of my first year in secondary four. now, out of Victoria and nothing real gained from it, in poly where i barely fit in, only going into the army when i'm an old man and the other '86-ers long gone and going on with their rest of their lives, i realize i'm going to be lonely for a long time coming.

i remember once telling matt that though i miss the idea and regret the ruined chance of possibly having continued my life into TCHS and keeping in that circle of Nanyang Primary friends, i felt that my second year in secondary four in Victoria School might have made it slightly less painful--i met people i liked quite a bit, i did some things i never would have before, i developed a real-er personality. matt told me then that that was rubbish, my life would probably have been much better had i gone on to TCHS; i couldn't miss what i never got the pleasure of discovering and knowing in the first place.

he was, and is, right. what i am now, six years on from Nanyang Primary School, is a lonely, ugly, arsehole who just spent an entire hour basically wallowing.

bonne nuit.