ADDENDUMMOTO

it seems most of the Motorola range seems to appeal to me. even the basement-bottom, zero-functionality V180.

i officially denounce Sony Ericsson. i may still like your French-themed ads, but you can keep your squirrels, your crystalized keypads, your Memory Sticks, your queer swivel designs, your FM radios and especially your relegating of the yes/no interface to the basemennt-bottom phones. see you in a bit.

i still hate Nokias with a passion, though. i don't forsee that changing any time soon.

Intelligence Everywhere™

HELLOMOTO

odd how when i'm looking for a new phone, i keep going back to, in order of preference, either the V3, V80, V600 or E398. all are Motorolas, all are functionally identical and the last three cost exactly the same though all four are aimed at different markets.

odd. i guess my Ericsson Era is over.

wants and aspirations

if i were a version two Sim, i would have just acheived the fear of a bad phone call.

we used to be friends

we are not amused anymore.

here i am, bored on a tuesday afternoon, listening to house music in front of my PowerBook, which by the way is part of the reason why i was thrown out. no one to talk to, no good blogs to read, nothing to do. this ennui will probably carry on through the semester that begins in seven days.

life is indeed monotonous. and if not quite monotonous, then at least irritatingly cyclic.

the only things i have learned today are that i like my hair shorter, and that i like writing with a sharpie-type marker or felt-tip pens.

it's one more day before the abhorrent, loathsome, insipid, asinine month of december begins. i hate december.

life is indeed monotonous. and that's not really funny.

"i have nothing to say about this one."

my father just called and told me, in no uncertain terms, that i was no longer welcome at home.

and my heart, it's supposed to bleed? i'm upset about not getting the money for the Motorola Razr V3 now, but other than that i'm thinking of all the damage i'll do when i go home to get all my stuff, and i'm really, really happy.

for every action ... ... there is a reaction

"Amy?"

"Shhh!"

"Is everything alright?"

"Ephram just signed on! Right there! He sees me. And he knows that i see him, this is so insane."

"What is? What is going on with you two? I know that he came by the other night, that he left rather suddenly... What is it, sweetheart?"

[turns to look at HAROLD] "Everything's all messed up. It was good when he got home, at least I thought it was and then we got into this stupid fight. It wasn't even a fight, I don't even know what it was, all I know is that none of this would have happened if he hadn't had gotten that letter."

"There was a letter?"

"Yes, from Juilliard, apparently he got a really crappy evaluation from his summer programme, and now he says that he needs to practice everyday, and that he may not have time for a girlfriend, which is totally not true because I am really low-maintainence when it comes to that kind of stuff, you know?"

"Absolutely."

"See? I know! But he doesn't even want to hear it! And, now, I have to deal with tomorrow, my first day of senior year, and I don't even know if I'm in a new relationship or not."

[turns back to the computer] "It's like we're standing in the same room and he won't even talk to me."

"Amy, look away from the screen. Come on, you can do it..." [starts to chuckle]

sous la pluie

bloody hell, i hate talking to myself. i should also hate talking to someone about a girl who's too busy to hate him, and another who keeps changing her mind [do they have so many in stock?] about dating him, but i can't, so i'll settle for mildly irritated. but, bloody hell, i hate talking to myself. it isn't enough that i end up having to make an effort because you don't, i don't even get a response? bloody hell.

"bizarro day, huh?"

sunday:

jenghis's birthday. meet, wait, discuss, cuss, call, enquire, discuss, decide, discuss the location of the nearest cafe cartel, decide all over again, walk to marche, stop at lucky plaza, wait at lucky plaza, find out they already went to marche, holler at them over the Nokia, walk to marche, wait, get seated at a bench, wait, jenghis arrives, i order a diet snapple and matt thinks it's funny, they eat, we leave, they jack jenghis whilst i walk right over to fawwaz's gift-wrapping booth, all beats in place and counted for.

then we parted. half went to pool, fawwaz went back to his booth, matt went home, xuan and kenneth followed me shopping. evenrything was closed or closing. including Kennth Cole. closed. i just stared in through the window for a couple of seconds. then walked towards the Topman at Wisma Atria. and looked for something to buy. everything was either ugly, too cheap, or i didn't need it. in the end i decided on i-love-it-but-don't-need-it. a grey sandblast pinstripe blazer. pretty. and a hundred and twenty-three dollars. i charged it to my MasterCard and enjoyed the richness of it.

then xuan wanted to see a busker doing magic tricks. then xuan wanted a cookie from Coffee Club Express. so we went. and the iced cafe latte was rather good. then i called fawwaz, and we all met up and got onto the NEL and went home.

monday:

woke slightly late for the gallery. got up, showered, did whatever i could with my brother's wet-gloss gel [ew, and yes, i was at home], decided to bring my stuff with me so i can go to my aunt's direct, used the notebook case my aunt gave me, decided to wear the blazer i bought yesterday and stole my father's shoes. they hurt. but i looked good.

went to xuan's aunt's gallery. it was a nice place. too nice to hold mosh. things will break.

then followed fawwaz to The Heeren Shops to exchange Moby's Play for the De-Lovely soundtrack. i've been in town too many times this week. i'm starting to reek of town. yet after getting the exchange done at HMV, what do i do but pop over to Spinelli's for a Latte Spin?

after that, i headed over here. business as usual for a couple of hours. then my mom texts:

"Tomoro I'm doing e trade in of ür phone. which model ü wanted? N i nd ür tis phone n charger too..when ü b back here?"

no advance notice, no "so do you want to trade in your phone", nothing.

she just decides out of the blue that she's going to trade in the phone i've been using, without much of a plan as to what i'm going to use after she trades it in, except for this nugget she reveals when i call her, carefully concealing the fit i'm throwing:

"at the most i get the 6230 lor, because if later next few months you want something else then i can take that phone what. i don't like what siemens, motorola, samsung, sony ericsson one."

"i don't like nokias."

"aiyah, just anyhow use for one two months can one what."

i am not my siblings. i am not my mother or father. when i buy something, it is something i've decided i want to commit to for a while. it goes without saying that i won't buy anything i do not like. just because my brother changes mobile phones three times in the last year doesn't mean i will. i want a Motorola Razr V3. or a Motorola V600. neither of which my mom will let me buy, no matter how long i argue.

and what, i can't buy a Motorola because she doesn't like them, and i can't not buy a Nokia even if i hate them?

so. what happens? i buy the Nokia off my mother. she just wants the money. she's piss-scared that the value of the Nokia 8910 that i'm using now will depreciate further [what a shocker]. are you reading what i've typed? i've been driven to such desperate measures by my mother and my father that i've actually BOUGHT A NOKIA OFF MY MOTHER. and the most Nokian of all Nokias, no less.

so, after all that? my dad calls in the evening. drunk. wanting money from me. i ignore him and call my mother to notify her. she's even more piss-scared that i will give the $140 that's supposed to go to her to him. i hang up on both of them and go to watch TV.

that's it. i don't care how much it costs, but next month when more of my father's money comes in, i'm taking money out to buy a V3. i don't bloody care any more.

overture

The mind plays dirty tricks.

I'm having nightmares again.

a lack of color

I've failed.

These things happen? It's okay? Never mind? See you
in school? It will be okay? Shouldn't you be more
worried about your parents? Take it easy?

No.

I dont know what to do.

mix 2

I'm at HMV now, with jensen. And i've just spent sixty
dollars on three cds. It turns out i also tend to
spend when im in a good mood, though at least its less
than half what i spent on the same number of cds when
i bought stuff in bad mood. Oh. Wait. We might hit the
place at roxy square later.

earphoneless/microphoneless

someone up there must really hate me, because this is my new, permanent, phone: Nokia - Nokia 8910 Phone

irony: my unserviceable Ericsson had an earphone that got so soft i can so longer hear anyone on the other line unless i'm in a library-like place. this Nokia has a microphone that doesn't work.

Nokia: Connecting People
Ericsson: Make Yourself Heard
Aaron: Bloody Pissed Off

"Okay, I know you don't like it, but that is one snazzy phone"
-Lin Hongxuan, 17

paris in new york

i think i'm getting old. i've never quite felt like this, going back by myself, before.

the ties that, unfortunately, bind

they made my grandpa wait over a hour.

for their silly tea ceremony.

OilyMan and ChihuahuaFace.

and nary a red packet.

Digital SLR and DV camera.

dinner tonight at seven PM, Shangri-La Hotel.

like, ew.

the way we were

morning - afternoon:
brunch at Crystal Jade Palace Restaurant, Ngee Ann City

afternoon:
watch The Way We Were and Adam Brody's appearance on Late Night With Conan O'Brien

afternoon - evening:
taking a long look at dax's PC, inclusive one hour of Malcom In The Middle and The Simpsons

evening:
head back here to shower and restore my iPod, whose music filesystem apparently got corrupted

evening-night:
met the guys at rogue. xuan danced. yes, really. you can call me and ask for details if you don't believe me

now:
back here, way too early, tying up the loose ends i left on my PowerBook after rushing out when i was done restoring my iPod

tomorrow morning:
cousin jeffery's wedding tea-ceremony

tomorrow evening:
cousin jeffery's wedding dinner at Shangri-La Hotel

okay. i need some sleep.

the way we were

my PowerBook is stashed under a few pillows, inside my bedroom, because my dad is here.

he decided to come visit.

the second episode, broadcasted, ripped and ready, awaits.

i hate my father.

the firefox has landed

Mozilla Firefox 1.0 has arrived. the entire site damn near went down at launch, i waited nearly five minutes to load the front page. then the download took forever, was five times bigger than it was supposed to be, and i had to re-download it this morning. it looks good, i already know it works excellently, but i prefer Safari. because using Firefox over Safari seems like Apple defection. and Firefox looks good, but it looks good in a iBook/iMac way. not that there's anything wrong with that, but Safari, with it aluminium skin, is more PowerBook/PowerMac. and if i can't have an aluminium phone [see below], i will damn well have an aluminium browser.

psycho aaron is open for business

if wayne turns out to have bought a V3, i will kill myself.

at least, internally.

i can't stand it. I CAN'T FUCKING STAND MY BROTHER HAVING THREE PHONES [COUNT THEM - NOKIA 7250, SONY ERICSSON T610, SONY ERICSSON K700I] IN ONE YEAR WHEN I HAVE HAD THE SAME ONE PHONE FOR THREE YEARS. I CAN'T STAND MY FATHER BEING A FUCKING BASTARD WHO CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING BUT BUYS EVERYTHING, YET HE DOESN'T INDULGE ME WHEN I WANT A NEW PHONE, WHEN MINE HAS BEEN SUBMERGED THRICE AND HAS A SPEAKERPHONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE SOUND LIKE XUAN WHISPERING INTO THE PHONE BECAUSE THE VOLUME KEY GOT BROKEN OFF WHEN MY MOM HIT ME ON THE HEAD AND I DROPPED THE PHONE. I HATE THAT WAYNE'S GOT THE ONLY PHONE I LOVE NOW, I HATE THAT HE WON'T TELL ME IF IT'S TRUE. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO GO OUT WHENEVER I WANT, EVEN IF MY MOTHER LETS ME AND PRACTICALLY WANTS ME TO GO OUT MORE. I HATE FAILING EVERYTHING, I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE MY MASTERCARD WITH THE PRACTICALLY INVAILD SIGNATURE ON THE BACK. I HATE MY AMAZAON SHOPPING CART WITH OVER A HUNDERED US DOLLARS' WORTH OF CDS IN IT. I HATE MY POWERBOOK, I HATE MY WIRELESS MOUSE. I HATE NOT HAVING MY PHONE WITH ME AND HAVING TO USE MY AUNT'S FUCKING NOKIA 3315, BUT NOT WANTING TO GET IT BACK FROM XUAN BECAUSE I NEED A REASON TO GET OUT TO WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE. I HATE EVERYTHING.

i have nothing but hate. if you don't have anything nice to say, FUCK OFF OR GO FUCK YOURSELF.

w00t?

it's official. the word "woot" is now irritating. especially since it originated as "w00t" and has been "corrected" to become a "real word".

iBetter Exchange

iBetter Exchange - Creativex.Creative.Com

riiight.

and this is all that's left

what exactly is, i do not know.

right back where we started from

i feel very, very happy. the last time i felt this happy was, oddly enough, only two hours ago, though that was the first time in over a week, if not more. but. i just watched The Distance. and i feel lightheaded with glee and happiness. there is only one word to describe how i feel now, and that word is "squee". because that's the sound i feel like making, over and over again.

tomorrow, the super mondo party, possibly of my year. at least i'll be able to rewatch this if i freak out and melt down again. which i will try not to.

squee!

cellular

chong chorming: stop using a Nokia.

his Nokia called my mobile just now and left a very long voice message. and when i called back, he said no one did.

okay. whatever.

the distance

the second season of The O.C. is broadcasting in California now. i cannot wait.

isn't it ironic?

Nokia goes after impersonators Sagem and Vitelcom - Engadget

like, totally.

Nokia: Emulating Others

Nokia’s new cameraphones: the 3230 and 6020 - Engadget Cellphones

i'm having trouble finishing my Design Methodology supplementary paper--mostly with finding the two thousand words needed.

so here's a snapshot of two of Nokia's lastest phones, the designs of which i find, shall we say, "interesting". the 6020 resembles a Sony Ericsson T630 with only opaque plastics [i wonder if it comes in black--what a shocker - it does.]. as for the 3230, surely i don't need to tell you what that looks like, do i?

the political compass

The Political Compass

i went and did this again, just to make sure.

Economic Left/Right: -2.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.64

in other news, Bush won, i missed the deadline for the Color re-sub, feel like shit, had a two-thousand word essay in front of me but got nothing into Microsoft Word, even by five AM, woke today at four-plus PM, and have sat around in bewildered confusion since.

also, does anyone else also feel that today's Straits Times front page article is rather Bush-biased? i only skimmed it, because one cannot look at a photograph like that for any extended period of time without developing a medical condition of some sort, but that's the vibe i got. from several seconds' skimming.

aren't the balls getting a little heavy, Singapore?

welcome to stepford

The Play Pen for My Thoughts: The Trophy Wife

i'm sorry, but, ondine? this just sounds really, if pretentiously, cool.

in other news: it appers W is winning. sad.

duosyllabic phrases

i have finished my Communicating Design Ideas re-submission paper, which is due in nine-and-a-half hours.

i feel like i spent a year writing it, it was so hard to really concentrate.

i need to go to sleep, now, possibly listening to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.

if you really love me, you'll let me go home

the last time i went to xuan's, two Saturdays ago, i stuck my neck out. i told my first aunt i was going to celebrate three friends' birthdays, and i would be back late that night.

of course, i stayed over and came back the next afternoon. wiped out from matt's drinks and depressed, i took a shower and asked when my first aunt would arrive for dinner, because i wanted to take a nap. rosemarie said she didn't know, but i could just go ahead and lie down.

i woke up past seven PM. i found a text message on my phone from my second aunt, telling me to explain to first aunt that it rained heavily that night, and my friend's mom told me to stay the night, so i called back here and asked if i should, to which my second aunt told me i should, none of which was true. my aunt was already there, and she mildly berated me for not telling her that i wasn't coming back here that same night.

later on she spoke with my aunt-of-sorts and it was decided that if i was going to stay out past midnight or stay over elsewhere, either she or my mom should know, "in case anything should happen to me". my aunt-of-sorts came over to my room after and told me what happened, then also told me she'd called here from Malaysia five times that morning and afternoon, reminding rosemarie that my first aunt would be here, at five-thirty, for dinner. i don't know what the implications of her choosing not to tell me that when i asked her were, but i chose to just let it go. no point dragging up even more ugliness. that was nuclear fallout one.

the in-between was me finding out i'd failed six of my seven modules and being assigned six re-submissions; also, though no one told me until Saturday, my father came back.

last Saturday i decided to sod it all and arrange to go to rouge. out of everyone i asked--wayne, jensen, matt and xuan--only jensen didn't decline or cancel. so jensen and i went alone. it was a pretty good time, slightly marred by the notice of my father's return courtesy of my mother, until jensen's parents decided to go out and get him. after an odd time of events i ended up meeting his parents and having supper with me, talking about school, L.A., Las Vegas, Disneyland, cancer, old age, and many other things i can no longer remember. then, because jensen lived in Serangoon, his parents gave me a lift back to Chuan Park. i'd called Geylang and told them already, to which my aunt-of-sorts questioned the wiseness of going home when my father was there.

the next day my mom, my two sisters, my brother and i went to a sort-of housewarming at my grandparents-in-law's place in Toa Payoh. they moved out from my first uncle-in-law's after a huge argument/fight. my grandfather has had his foot amputated since i last saw him in hospital, and was in a wheelchair. my grandparents-in-law now live alone.

the same morning my dad came over here and spoke loudly of how late i got back the night before, when he didn't see me coming back at all, and i wouldn't even have entertained the idea of going back if jensen's parents weren't offereing a lift.

at five PM my aunt-of-sorts called, asked about where i was, told me my aunt was coming back for dinner, but it should be okay, i should go back to Chuan Park and come back to Geylang tomorrow. we got back home pretty late that night, my father smoking in the living room.

today i come back here, caught in and soaked to the skin by the all-out thunderstorm, to Geylang. it appears my first aunt was questioning my absence last night, when she came back from dinner after coming back from Milan. she also questioned the wiseness of leaving the house when my re-submission period wasn't over yet. now that i'm here, i'll see her when she comes over for dinner tonight.

having read all that, though, you still won't know how i feel at this exact moment until you've spent the time to steam-iron a shirt, shower, dress, head out, and then have to rush all the way through a thunderstorm, to keep up appearances.

i'm fucking sick of living here.

"i just want to go home
the novelty has worn off, we are
not amused any more
if you really love me
you'll let me go home

i just want to escape
i'm stuck in a Kodak moment
with people in the future, albeit
if you really love me
won't you let me go home?

i just want to go home

i ran all the way home"

- "I Ran All The Way Home", Black Box Recorder