of course, i stayed over and came back the next afternoon. wiped out from matt's drinks and depressed, i took a shower and asked when my first aunt would arrive for dinner, because i wanted to take a nap. rosemarie said she didn't know, but i could just go ahead and lie down.
i woke up past seven PM. i found a text message on my phone from my second aunt, telling me to explain to first aunt that it rained heavily that night, and my friend's mom told me to stay the night, so i called back here and asked if i should, to which my second aunt told me i should, none of which was true. my aunt was already there, and she mildly berated me for not telling her that i wasn't coming back here that same night.
later on she spoke with my aunt-of-sorts and it was decided that if i was going to stay out past midnight or stay over elsewhere, either she or my mom should know, "in case anything should happen to me". my aunt-of-sorts came over to my room after and told me what happened, then also told me she'd called here from Malaysia five times that morning and afternoon, reminding rosemarie that my first aunt would be here, at five-thirty, for dinner. i don't know what the implications of her choosing not to tell me that when i asked her were, but i chose to just let it go. no point dragging up even more ugliness. that was nuclear fallout one.
the in-between was me finding out i'd failed six of my seven modules and being assigned six re-submissions; also, though no one told me until Saturday, my father came back.
last Saturday i decided to sod it all and arrange to go to rouge. out of everyone i asked--wayne, jensen, matt and xuan--only jensen didn't decline or cancel. so jensen and i went alone. it was a pretty good time, slightly marred by the notice of my father's return courtesy of my mother, until jensen's parents decided to go out and get him. after an odd time of events i ended up meeting his parents and having supper with me, talking about school, L.A., Las Vegas, Disneyland, cancer, old age, and many other things i can no longer remember. then, because jensen lived in Serangoon, his parents gave me a lift back to Chuan Park. i'd called Geylang and told them already, to which my aunt-of-sorts questioned the wiseness of going home when my father was there.
the next day my mom, my two sisters, my brother and i went to a sort-of housewarming at my grandparents-in-law's place in Toa Payoh. they moved out from my first uncle-in-law's after a huge argument/fight. my grandfather has had his foot amputated since i last saw him in hospital, and was in a wheelchair. my grandparents-in-law now live alone.
the same morning my dad came over here and spoke loudly of how late i got back the night before, when he didn't see me coming back at all, and i wouldn't even have entertained the idea of going back if jensen's parents weren't offereing a lift.
at five PM my aunt-of-sorts called, asked about where i was, told me my aunt was coming back for dinner, but it should be okay, i should go back to Chuan Park and come back to Geylang tomorrow. we got back home pretty late that night, my father smoking in the living room.
today i come back here, caught in and soaked to the skin by the all-out thunderstorm, to Geylang. it appears my first aunt was questioning my absence last night, when she came back from dinner after coming back from Milan. she also questioned the wiseness of leaving the house when my re-submission period wasn't over yet. now that i'm here, i'll see her when she comes over for dinner tonight.
having read all that, though, you still won't know how i feel at this exact moment until you've spent the time to steam-iron a shirt, shower, dress, head out, and then have to rush all the way through a thunderstorm, to keep up appearances.
i'm fucking sick of living here.
"i just want to go home
the novelty has worn off, we are
not amused any more
if you really love me
you'll let me go home
i just want to escape
i'm stuck in a Kodak moment
with people in the future, albeit
if you really love me
won't you let me go home?
i just want to go home
i ran all the way home"
- "I Ran All The Way Home", Black Box Recorder
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