kids, listen to aaron: don't read

i read too much, into too much, and too well.

i devour books, the newspaper, The Economist, magazines, read too much into awkward social situations, body language, tone, choice of words, reactions, apparent intelligence levels, what clothes they wear, what car they drive, what mobile phone they use, if they chose which mobile phone they use, Mac or Windows, kopi-peng or mocha latte, Gilmore Girls or Channel 8 dramas, HDB or condomium, music or popular culture, Pink Martini or Perfect 10, when my parents are fighting, when my father is being ridiculous, when my aunt is tense, when i'm not supposed to go out, if everyone's looking at my Motorola and drawing their own conclusions as to where or how i got it, who's waiting for my grandfather to die, who's waiting for my aunt to die so they can collect on her insurance and CPF and assets, when my mom is being normal and human-like, which my mom is being unreasonable and unfathomable, why i have to hide my PowerBook when relatives are over, why i have to stay in on weekends, why i have to endure the weekly sunday lunches, why i "was in Malaysia" when i was in China, when my parents are getting divorced, why they should have done it when i told them to do so when i was in primary two, religous: who is, and who isn't, and who will try to force it on you, who likes me, who doesn't, who confuse me, who's interested, who wants to fall asleep, who needs to get out more, where we all are headed.

it's one thing to be able to understand why China's bubble is going to burst, and why Apple can commandeer so much respect and marketshare when its core business isn't even ten percent of its market's marketshare, why some things are worth reading and some things i put down or never touch no matter how high they are on bestsellers' lists or how much i hear about them or how critically-acclaimed they are, or how Motorola is shamelessly catering to whoever will buy their phones, even why human beings act the way they do or do what they do.

it's another to spend your life overanalyzing everything from a one-word text message to everything little thing someone does or how someone treats you through an entire week, month, or life.

every little thing that you say or do; i'm hung up, i'm hung up on you.