i have no clue how to react to the fact that kenneth went to mosh.
so for now i'm sticking with nonchalant-i-don't-care. in public, that is.
where there is free reign? i will get fucking upset if he went because it was a photo opportunity. because when i have expressed my feelings (or lack thereof) for an event that was quite simply taken from me and run out of my hands, i don't expect you to attend to take fucking photographs.
it feels like betrayal and treason, but that's just me being dramatic. there's nothing wrong with him going. there might be something wrong with why he went. there's definitely something wrong with the decision to let me find out nonchalantly, over his shoulder, referring to his photoblog.
now, if i'm flipping out because you like to wield a camera and release shutters, imagine how i'll react if it turns out you went because of friendship.
and, no, this isn't some cowardly, random, anonymous vent resulting from my inability to confront. life is exciting enough, and there will be a time for this to blow up and blow over, but right now i'm not up to it, when nothing is certain.
i remember complaining that livejournal didn't have a manic-depressive mood. blogger doesn't even have moods. so here it is: MANIC-DEPRESSED PERSON. DO NOT APPROACH WILLY-NILLY.
4 comments:
I can't imagine why you're pissed that someone(your friend I presume) turned up for MOSH. Especially coming from someone that decided to leave the entire project hanging, you haven't got the right to be dissing the site, weepy pseudo blog entry or not.
Enough said, if you didn't want to care about MOSH, couldn't you at least have the courtesy to say that you were backing out instead of simply ignoring phonecalls and imposing inaction on myself and Fawwaz? Thanks alot, Aaron. I don't know what's been up with you lately, you don't talk to me anymore, not that it matters, but for someone who sincerely gives a damn whether you were gonna top yourself the next day or not, but if this is your form of work ethic, and treatment towards people who care for you, you can consider my respect for you superseded.
Enough. Just enough.
i wake to respond to the message i dismissed two days earlier, and i find this.
i didn't leave the project hanging. admittedly i left for the month-long trip to china, but i was hardly going to pass that up. and while i was in hiatus, meetings were held and decisions where made that i wasn't even kept in the loop with.
and, then, while i was in china, i had my mobile phone stolen, and i was removed from my course of study. still i replaced my phone with one i loaned from my lecturer in case anyone needed to contact me--primarily for people at home with my grandfather, but it was there, and i texted you my new number.
no emails, no texts, no calls.
so mosh ceased to be my thing right after i had to come back home to discover what'd happened and what was next. i didn't see that i really had to back out. especially since once i'd managed to re-establish contact, i became a Top Shop sales rep.
when you cancel the gig, put it back on, change it all about, repeat the cycle, hold it at a place i wasn't comfortable (to say the least) with, and involved people i never wanted to work with again, i have no positive motivation to get back in the running.
shocker, by the way, that fawwaz was okay with or decided to include xuan again. that just says so much about so many things.
and, finally, i'm not dissing the site. it was decent. could have been better, but it wasn't bad. what's taken it over, however, is.
your CD is, of course, still with me. you can have it back whenever is convenient.
For the record, it was on mutual understanding that fawwaz had decided to put on MOSH, with cooperation with xuan. We realised that whether or not xuan made up for his folly last year, that you weren't going to forgive him.
As for our venue, I don't think that MOSH was in a position to bargain for a better venue, since there was so much animosity against holding it in the gallery and since we hadn't enough capital for Cocco Latte. I don't think we held it at The Third Place out of choice, but rather it was a political decision.
For your information, neither Fawwaz nor I wanted you to co-opt out of MOSH, but because you adamantly mixed personal and political commitment, it wasn't possible for us to stay on and not do anything. I only pushed on for MOSH because it would have died otherwise.
We'll talk again when I meet you for my cd. I'm free everyday. Same number.
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