i just noticed the thunderstorm. two immediate thoughts:
1 - i should have brought my jacket out, and
2 - i want to go out and walk in the rain.
Friday, June 17
Saturday, June 11
hummingbird
i'm still sick. and my father is coming over.
i want to shout at him. i want to bolt the door. i want to call him and instruct him not to come over.
i want to call him, shout at him to not come over, and then bolt the door.
i'm putting Interpol on, because X&Y is copy-protected and hence i won't buy it. i'm blogging while pretending to work. i'm blocking out the world. i'm sick and tired and i don't know what i want to do, in the next fifteen minutes, days, months or years. i'm panicking, i'm paranoid, i'm impossibly placid.
his goal in life was to be an echo.
i want to shout at him. i want to bolt the door. i want to call him and instruct him not to come over.
i want to call him, shout at him to not come over, and then bolt the door.
i'm putting Interpol on, because X&Y is copy-protected and hence i won't buy it. i'm blogging while pretending to work. i'm blocking out the world. i'm sick and tired and i don't know what i want to do, in the next fifteen minutes, days, months or years. i'm panicking, i'm paranoid, i'm impossibly placid.
his goal in life was to be an echo.
Thursday, June 9
supervixen
i'm getting the urge to throw everything i own out through a plate glass window again.
yes, that includes the PowerBook, the RAZR, the Wireless Mouse.
but maybe not the iPod.
yes, that includes the PowerBook, the RAZR, the Wireless Mouse.
but maybe not the iPod.
Monday, June 6
respite, addendum, section two
i mean, i don't like having to deal with power/water utility bills. i'm eighteen years old. i don't live on my own. i don't see any reason at all any typical eighteen year old needs to deal with any bills at all, in fact.
this in addition to my first uncle's birthday, my first aunt's bringing us out to brunch, my sister coming home past midnight, my sisters and brothers moving in with me at my grandpére's because they've lived past the eviction date at chuan park without another place to go to, them messing up my life, my mom flaking out, my father spending SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on frivolousness and pleasure-seeking in less than two weeks when he said he took it to start his next business venture, me having to find out about the frivolity through subterfuge--finding out that a company selling buns took over the shop space my father said he was going to use.
i don't see why i need to be the one to take my brothers and sisters to apply for their identity cards, replace their school smartcards, give them their allowance, worry about where they are, worry about what they're doing, worry about what time they're back, decide between what they need and what they want, decide if it's okay to get them what they want, basically parent them.
so, i bitch. if you have a problem with that, then find means to express it that do not involve complaining about my bitching. bitching about bitching is something that only a select number of people can do well, and i'm sorry to say the pair of you do not. at all.
suck-cock face indeed. how droll.
this in addition to my first uncle's birthday, my first aunt's bringing us out to brunch, my sister coming home past midnight, my sisters and brothers moving in with me at my grandpére's because they've lived past the eviction date at chuan park without another place to go to, them messing up my life, my mom flaking out, my father spending SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on frivolousness and pleasure-seeking in less than two weeks when he said he took it to start his next business venture, me having to find out about the frivolity through subterfuge--finding out that a company selling buns took over the shop space my father said he was going to use.
i don't see why i need to be the one to take my brothers and sisters to apply for their identity cards, replace their school smartcards, give them their allowance, worry about where they are, worry about what they're doing, worry about what time they're back, decide between what they need and what they want, decide if it's okay to get them what they want, basically parent them.
so, i bitch. if you have a problem with that, then find means to express it that do not involve complaining about my bitching. bitching about bitching is something that only a select number of people can do well, and i'm sorry to say the pair of you do not. at all.
suck-cock face indeed. how droll.
respite, addendum, to do
things i either should have done or really have to do:
-settle the power bill for chuan park before it overlaps onto the new owner's or, even worse, nullifies the deal and leaves us with the debt again
-log onto internet banking and prepare statement of accounts, for self-verification, male ex-parent's verification, and [long overdue] to confirm that the transfer made it over
-send in my Epson A3 printer for repair. extremely, irrefutably, unarguably overdue
-what else am i forgetting?
-settle the power bill for chuan park before it overlaps onto the new owner's or, even worse, nullifies the deal and leaves us with the debt again
-log onto internet banking and prepare statement of accounts, for self-verification, male ex-parent's verification, and [long overdue] to confirm that the transfer made it over
-send in my Epson A3 printer for repair. extremely, irrefutably, unarguably overdue
-what else am i forgetting?
respite, addendum
is there a point left?
i have a weird-ass schedule. one class on monday, one class on tuesday, no class on wednesday, and a crazy pair of full days on thursday and friday.
meaning i don't see my VSC friends, more or less the only people i like enough to hang out with in the whole of Temasek Polytechnic, almost at all.
and then, there was today. so is there a point left?
i accidentally sent my RAZR flying across the bottom lip of my open PowerBook just now, in Form Development lecture. three minor scratches resulted. normally that would be the most saddening thing to happen to me the entire day, but today other things happened that were more saddening. more saddening than my thousand-dollar cell phone scratching against my three-thousand-dollar computer?
i don't think i'm making any sense at all any more.
i have a weird-ass schedule. one class on monday, one class on tuesday, no class on wednesday, and a crazy pair of full days on thursday and friday.
meaning i don't see my VSC friends, more or less the only people i like enough to hang out with in the whole of Temasek Polytechnic, almost at all.
and then, there was today. so is there a point left?
i accidentally sent my RAZR flying across the bottom lip of my open PowerBook just now, in Form Development lecture. three minor scratches resulted. normally that would be the most saddening thing to happen to me the entire day, but today other things happened that were more saddening. more saddening than my thousand-dollar cell phone scratching against my three-thousand-dollar computer?
i don't think i'm making any sense at all any more.
Monday, May 30
Sunday, May 29
some kind of beautiful
conversations are supposed to lag once every seven minutes. however, in my experience seven seconds are usually more than enough.
something's happened. or something's happening. i prefer staying on campus and in studio instead of going home, or getting another life in addition to Music, Television, the Internet, School, Movies, Money, Home and Family. or trying to make or keep friends. it shouldn't be this hard. i'm letting go, i don't want to try any more, i don't want to make the effort, i don't want to be monosyllabically placated. it's quite simple: you either are, or you're not. no amount of hiedstatt chocolate cake, sweet secrets' chocolate royale cake, black-eyed peas singles, gershwin broadway musicals, abysmal dinners at olio bites, weird drinks mixed with vermouth and bombay sapphire or lime in a martini shaker, canadian pizza, homecooked pasta, big ben's pies, absolut currant at seoul garden, thomas paine's common senses, huge pink gloomy bears, linkin park records, jet records, the ataris records, colin raye records, apples in stereo records, leather-bound diaries from bookbinders, guess watches, dkny watches, french phrasebooks, brown nobleman shirts, anna sui's dolly girls, hugo boss's boss in motion with deoderant and lacoste toiletries thrown in, ... and i'm out.
it probably happened when i turned right to exit the station in the direction of the library before i even could think to think about detouring left like i always do. like i used to do.
and, i know, this isn't going to stop me from giving or taking anything like what's above. but when i do it in the future, it's not going to guarantee that i mean something, care about it, care about you, even like you.
because, as i've said before, you either are or you aren't. if you don't like to wear your heart on your sleeve, you can't blame people for not noticing its intentions, or that it's even there.
i'm starting to become afraid of virigina woolf.
oh, and the beach was a bitch to watch. this should teach me to watch something because guillaume canet was in it, and it can't be that bad if he accepted a role in it, can it?
something's happened. or something's happening. i prefer staying on campus and in studio instead of going home, or getting another life in addition to Music, Television, the Internet, School, Movies, Money, Home and Family. or trying to make or keep friends. it shouldn't be this hard. i'm letting go, i don't want to try any more, i don't want to make the effort, i don't want to be monosyllabically placated. it's quite simple: you either are, or you're not. no amount of hiedstatt chocolate cake, sweet secrets' chocolate royale cake, black-eyed peas singles, gershwin broadway musicals, abysmal dinners at olio bites, weird drinks mixed with vermouth and bombay sapphire or lime in a martini shaker, canadian pizza, homecooked pasta, big ben's pies, absolut currant at seoul garden, thomas paine's common senses, huge pink gloomy bears, linkin park records, jet records, the ataris records, colin raye records, apples in stereo records, leather-bound diaries from bookbinders, guess watches, dkny watches, french phrasebooks, brown nobleman shirts, anna sui's dolly girls, hugo boss's boss in motion with deoderant and lacoste toiletries thrown in, ... and i'm out.
it probably happened when i turned right to exit the station in the direction of the library before i even could think to think about detouring left like i always do. like i used to do.
and, i know, this isn't going to stop me from giving or taking anything like what's above. but when i do it in the future, it's not going to guarantee that i mean something, care about it, care about you, even like you.
because, as i've said before, you either are or you aren't. if you don't like to wear your heart on your sleeve, you can't blame people for not noticing its intentions, or that it's even there.
i'm starting to become afraid of virigina woolf.
oh, and the beach was a bitch to watch. this should teach me to watch something because guillaume canet was in it, and it can't be that bad if he accepted a role in it, can it?
Tuesday, May 24
Shouldn't Have Done That
I couldn't sleep, and so rose and picked up where i left off with the book i was reading. Now i've gone and finished it, all four hundred and thirty five pages, and it's past three in the morning. Worse, this's the second of three loans from two libraries i made less than three days ago. So that leaves me with only one more book before i have to go back to one.
a house is not a home
i should freaking be asleep. but i'm too everything to sleep. i wish you knew what i meant.
there's a free breakfast i'm invited to going on in seven hours at TCC. no, not The Coffee Connoisseur, Temasek Convention Center. it marks the start of the semester and preceeds the talk given by the director before the start of every semester.
after that, i need to sort out my sister's school smartcard at Tiong Bahru, for which she submitted my brother's birth certificate in a cold-medicine haze. after that i need to bring the birth certificate to Lavender, where my brother needs to register for his identity card, which is a week overdue, once done i need to bring the smartcard to Toa Payoh to meet my sister.
i think i miss design school orientation. i only think i do because i wasn't an official part of it, but there's even a photo of me in the post-orientation online gallery [also: i need to decide what exactly it is i want to do with my hair]. the thing is that bits of it seemed enormous fun from the outside looking in.
i want my PowerBook back. i fear i suffer from abandonment issues, and i fear this particular one is at fever pitch. withdrawal is not a good thing.
the warranty on my PowerBook ends on the sixth of June. the same day our residential reprieve at Chuan Park ends. five hundred dollars will extend the AppleCare Protection Plan on my PowerBook for another two years. sadly the same cannot be said for Chuan Park.
i managed to spend over two hundred dollars at Zara without wanting a single thing there. that's what sisters can do.
my freshman-to-junior break is over. and i'm not really sure what happened before, during or is going to happen after it.
there's a free breakfast i'm invited to going on in seven hours at TCC. no, not The Coffee Connoisseur, Temasek Convention Center. it marks the start of the semester and preceeds the talk given by the director before the start of every semester.
after that, i need to sort out my sister's school smartcard at Tiong Bahru, for which she submitted my brother's birth certificate in a cold-medicine haze. after that i need to bring the birth certificate to Lavender, where my brother needs to register for his identity card, which is a week overdue, once done i need to bring the smartcard to Toa Payoh to meet my sister.
i think i miss design school orientation. i only think i do because i wasn't an official part of it, but there's even a photo of me in the post-orientation online gallery [also: i need to decide what exactly it is i want to do with my hair]. the thing is that bits of it seemed enormous fun from the outside looking in.
i want my PowerBook back. i fear i suffer from abandonment issues, and i fear this particular one is at fever pitch. withdrawal is not a good thing.
the warranty on my PowerBook ends on the sixth of June. the same day our residential reprieve at Chuan Park ends. five hundred dollars will extend the AppleCare Protection Plan on my PowerBook for another two years. sadly the same cannot be said for Chuan Park.
i managed to spend over two hundred dollars at Zara without wanting a single thing there. that's what sisters can do.
my freshman-to-junior break is over. and i'm not really sure what happened before, during or is going to happen after it.
"Rory, the penal system isn't something to enjoy, it's something with a name that makes us giggle."
-Lorelai Gilmore, in Gilmore Girls 0522: A House Is Not A Home
Friday, May 20
Thursday, May 19
powerless
why can't my fricking life pause just long enough for me to send my PowerBook for repair?
also: revenge of the sith is a seriously bad movie, free sneak preview tickets and complimentary jumbo popcorn and coke combo or not.
also: revenge of the sith is a seriously bad movie, free sneak preview tickets and complimentary jumbo popcorn and coke combo or not.
Wednesday, May 18
Tuesday, May 17
Saturday, May 14
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