the collective last day[s?] on earth

i've been home for a while, but it only just came to me that the reason why i really wanted to stop at home before embarking on the hour-plus journey to
Victoria School was to put an entry into this blog.

sounds morbid, but in case this is the last chance i get, my subconscious decided i must by hook or crook come back and mark out one last notch on the World Wide Web. it took my conscious over an hour, though, to put two and two together and make five. i think checking other peoples' blogs was the trigger.

suicidal thoughts are only of any use [or of any danger, depending on your point of view] when the person having them is strong enough or has the guts to actually go through with it. i do not possess that strength or those guts, which explains why i am having such thoughts, but it also almost definitely ensures i will not go through with it.

morbid, morbid thoughts. on a lighter note, iTunes' Shuffle mode has reminded me that while Milk is a great song and suits me now, there are a number of other songs that fit right in now. as follows:

The Apples In Stereo: Please, Benefits Of Lying, Signal In The Sky, Go
Macy Gray: Relating To A Psychopath
The Used: The Taste Of Ink
Radiohead: Pop Is Dead, Talk Show Host, You Never Wash Up After Yourself
Everclear: Wonderful
The Cardigans: You're The Storm, For What It's Worth, 03.45: No Sleep, My Favorite Game, Been It, Lovefool
Aerosmith: Jaded

plus almost all of Garbage's and Coldplay's songs. there are specifics, but there are too many to list. there're probably some i left out. no matter.

oh fuck it. this is no suicide note. too many things remain unsaid. probably because i am insecure about whether i mind a miniscule bit of the world reading the deepest bits of me, whether i'm around for it or not.

besides i haven't a clue what format such a note should be in, and the content that one should include [they should teach this in school]. the only [non-fictional, ie not seen in movie or read in a book] suicide not i've seen in my entire life is matt's. and it was folded up--i only saw the outside, and subsequently flushed down one of the toilets at 3 Geylang Bahru Lane. so excuse my inexperience.

oh well.

"I am milk
I am red hot kitchen
And I am cool
Cool as the deep blue ocean

I am lost
So I am cruel
But I'd be love and sweetness
If I had you

I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you

I am weak
But I am strong
I can use my tears to
Bring you home

I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting
I'm waiting for you"

- "Milk", Garbage