e, motion, less

i had a lot to say. but now i just feel hollow and worn out.

just because i obviously didn't mean it when i said it doesn't mean it didn't hurt when i heard it. i kept switching my phone off and on, because the heart would rather believe that the phone was screwed up. the brain knew the SIM slot was dodgy, but it also knew it was more likely that the feelings you have for your own birthday were mutual.

i left in the middle of my own party. i'm not going to say something stupid, like that i can't even think of eating the paralines now because they seem to reek of smokes, but even though i know should eventually consume them, i can't, really. though, come to think of it--millions of people can't be wrong!

a nice dinner and nice gifts do not make a happy birthday. and let's not try again next year, because if i make it to the next one, i'm probably just going to disappear. you can't be disappointed if you remove all hope. it was what i was going to do this year, anyway. it's just that i knew that they put effort, time, and money into it. but this is fair warning. not everything needs to be a surprise.

i've been crushed, disappointed, had my heart broken, been pissed about and pissed off, had too much hope and suffered the letdown, and right here, moped, brooded, and quoted the simpsons.

this birthday is officially over. it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to.

now if only i could cry.