but remember me saying that i came back from it emotionally drained?
she's betting on soccer again. big-time. studying teams, matches, and getting pissed-off at the people she's in it with, and at least one [i assume small-time] bookie. which can only mean that she sees this as her final salvation. the only thing short of a miracle [read: her husband managing to take care of the family, financially-speaking or otherwise] that will save everything as it is.
i, all of seventeen years old, spent a lot of time in the car [a friend's Nissan Sunny] conflicted about what was the best way to gently convince her this wasn't a solution. but unless i was prepared to damage my ability to function for the rest of the week more so than it already was, doing that was not a good idea. why destroy a perfectly nice evening?
why indeed. so i went with it. pretending it didn't notice anything. not that there was any chance in hell i wouldn't have noticed it. she wasn't even trying to hide it anyway. it was nice having a meal your mom provided for you. it's been ages since i last had that. kids everywhere have meals provided for by their parents all the time, directly or indirectly, whether their mom rushed home from work, took a quick shower and prepared food and fruits for you and your friend who came over to take a look at your PC, hired a maid to do it for them, took their kids out to a McDonald's as a treat, or drove them out to Lawry's for steak.
there are a number of parallels between my life and the ongoing plot in Gilmore Girls now. which is why it made me want to cry when i watched it all the way through to the new season premiere, and why i re-watch it over and over again.
my prepaid card ran out of credit on Friday. i spent it all trying to contact my sisters because i was supposed to meet them. in the end i got played out all the way from the airport to Sengkang to Bugis Junction. in the end i went back here and waited for them to come to me instead.
my Ericsson's now set to accept calls from no-one. to the caller it rings once then gets a busy tone, but i don't hear or notice anything more than (Busy Tone - Bernard Anybody) flashing on the screen.
Bernard Anybody [i use either Somebody or Anybody as filler for people whose surnames i do not know. obviously the usage of either will tell you how i feel about the person or what they mean to me. and for those who find this oddly familiar it's pinched off The Sims: Superstar, where they use Somebody and Anybody to differentiate between, respectively, celebrities and nobodies] is the group leader of my ComDI project group. they wanted to meet Saturday to work on the project. they notified me Friday. since i had no credit or desire to go, or in fact desire to respond, i left it at that. Bernard Anybody called seven times, and Zubair Anybody called thrice. they can all go to hell for all care. there's no way i can pass this module no matter how hard i slave over the project anyway, so they can go it alone, and present their unpresentable work, or lack thereof. i'll wait for the re-sub.
the whole accept-calls-from-no-one thing is a bit inconvenient, though. i'm not comfortable at all doing telephone voice conversations. phone calls are akward for me. oddly enough, more so when i actually know the person and he's not a faceless entity whose job description involves taking my call and speaking to me. so in order to arrange and find out about dinner with my friends later today, i had to call xuan up and ask.
had to do it thrice today. i think i'm getting better at it. though it still remains that i don't know how to act on the phone when i comes to some people [for either good or bad reasons, depending on the person in question].
i'm looking forward to dinner tomorrow. though how i will look backward on it afterwards remains to be seen.
Agenda View: Sunday, September 26th, 2004
1100 First Uncle & Family's visit [weekly recurring event]
1900 dinner at Fig & Olive Café <24 Raffles Place, #02-02 Clifford Centre> w/ friends
1 comment:
My mother bounces checks routinely. She has literally bounced thousands of checks in her life. FYI - bouncing a check means writing a check that cannot be cashed because the account has insufficient funds.
I think I was in junior high the FIRST time I came home to find a notice on the house that the bank was foreclosing.
My mother has serious money problems. At times she claims she gambles all her money away. Maybe true, maybe not. You can never tell with her. If she tells you she is gambling, then to believe it you'd have to believe she is telling the truth. And believing THAT is usually a bad idea. So, of course, you assuming that losing the house from gambling was a lie to cover up something worse that she doesn't want to admit.
So yeah, I can probably relate to some of what you are feeling. There is this huge battle between wanting to help and feeling awful about how things are falling apart, and wanting to just wipe your hands of everyone and everything and just run away and hide.
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