is email a lost art? my email address is listed every bloody time you open an MSN Messenger Service window with me. if you can't get a response out of me on the service and have a PowerPoint presenation for my review, EMAIL IT TO ME. don't request a file transfer, because I AM NOT THERE AND CANNOT ACCEPT IT. if you email it to me, i will receive it without any action on my part.
i can only imagine the hell my JC friends have to go through for PW, especially with the denser species of students found in JCs.
Sunday, January 9
never settle
The Play Pen for My Thoughts: Quality Control
why can't everyone just understand, accept and embrace this concept of getting what you pay for?
why can't everyone just understand, accept and embrace this concept of getting what you pay for?
Saturday, January 8
yes, all boats.
after reading all the blogs that i read, and reading some blogs and i don't read, and wondering what happened to a few that either upped and left or never updated again, i oddly enough come to the decision that my life screws up far too often. maybe i'm coming across as a psychotic neurotic here, but the last few days were killer. and here i was just going to talk about them, but i decided against it. walking on eggshells again.
Modest Mouse is not an attractive band. putting them on The O.C. was like putting Rooney on The O.C., it gives rise to the opinion that they should be left to the soundtrack. and i'm getting a bit sick of the live bands being featured on The O.C. this season, in all of its seven so-far-broadcast episodes, with the advent of The Bait Shop, we've had The Walkmen, The Killers, and Modest Mouse. overkill.
maybe i help people too much. maybe that's it. maybe i care too much.
but how much is too much, or not enough?
Modest Mouse is not an attractive band. putting them on The O.C. was like putting Rooney on The O.C., it gives rise to the opinion that they should be left to the soundtrack. and i'm getting a bit sick of the live bands being featured on The O.C. this season, in all of its seven so-far-broadcast episodes, with the advent of The Bait Shop, we've had The Walkmen, The Killers, and Modest Mouse. overkill.
maybe i help people too much. maybe that's it. maybe i care too much.
but how much is too much, or not enough?
please consider this my two weeks notice.
Perry's Bible Fellowship - Billy The Bunny
i know no one's going to believe me, but when i was a kid, i used to think the same thing, reading all those kiddie stories. what happens to the farmer when all his food's been eaten by bunnies?
chose to re-watch Two Weeks Notice over Charlie's Angels and I Am Sam, on recommendation from dax, because "two weeks notice is funny, and you are sad now". i gave up when it hit the end of the first disc though, because it was a shot-in-the-theater copy and i couldn't be bothered to watch more graniness and blurredness, besides the story started getting too familiar. if only it were a DVD copy. maybe i should have chosen I Am Sam, for its killer soundtrack of Beatles covers. i would've watched the copy of Being John Malchovich i taped when it aired on Channel i, before they went off the air. but it was one AM, and i didn't want to leave bed.
my life does not rock.
hush, i also like garbage.
and i guess i shouldn't be saying "bonne nuit" any more.
i know no one's going to believe me, but when i was a kid, i used to think the same thing, reading all those kiddie stories. what happens to the farmer when all his food's been eaten by bunnies?
chose to re-watch Two Weeks Notice over Charlie's Angels and I Am Sam, on recommendation from dax, because "two weeks notice is funny, and you are sad now". i gave up when it hit the end of the first disc though, because it was a shot-in-the-theater copy and i couldn't be bothered to watch more graniness and blurredness, besides the story started getting too familiar. if only it were a DVD copy. maybe i should have chosen I Am Sam, for its killer soundtrack of Beatles covers. i would've watched the copy of Being John Malchovich i taped when it aired on Channel i, before they went off the air. but it was one AM, and i didn't want to leave bed.
my life does not rock.
hush, i also like garbage.
and i guess i shouldn't be saying "bonne nuit" any more.
eat a happy dog.
i'm getting that depressed feeling of despair again. and i don't exactly know why.
i don't like it when JCs are in session. when that happens my daily existence just becomes my grandfather, my aunts, commuting to school, being at school, commuting back, rinse, repeat, dry.
but i just went out to dinner with jensen, dax and xuan. so, even if some sods didn't come, the above doesn't apply. for now.
so what's getting me down?
i think i know. i think i just don't want to say, for various reasons, one of which is the fear of ruining things.
i don't like it when JCs are in session. when that happens my daily existence just becomes my grandfather, my aunts, commuting to school, being at school, commuting back, rinse, repeat, dry.
but i just went out to dinner with jensen, dax and xuan. so, even if some sods didn't come, the above doesn't apply. for now.
so what's getting me down?
i think i know. i think i just don't want to say, for various reasons, one of which is the fear of ruining things.
Friday, January 7
Thursday, January 6
Sodding prat.
i've only worn my Kenneth Cole Reaction Stamp Of Approval loafers to school thrice, and now that i've started wearing my Kenneth Cole Reaction Praco II quasi-sneakers to school instead, some idiot has decided to wear a pair of cheap leather loafers as his school shoes.
Wednesday, January 5
Tuesday, January 4
money mind
i'm halfway through doing the figures for december and my dad's last remittance, and the numbers are worrying. i don't feel like tallying any more. that there's no money left over doesn't even begin to describe it. i want to cut him off the next time another remittance comes in [possibly the last] but how can i? without any money left, he's putting on the biggest show. what will happen when there's money and i refuse to hand it to him?
a couple of my cards have stopped working properly. i'm just going pretend that i didn't notice, and hope that it goes away. maybe it's a sign of bigger things to come.
oops. break is over, and class is commencing again. sigh. back to the gulag.
a couple of my cards have stopped working properly. i'm just going pretend that i didn't notice, and hope that it goes away. maybe it's a sign of bigger things to come.
oops. break is over, and class is commencing again. sigh. back to the gulag.
JCs are so lame
my sister [samantha] and i once discussed the new Jurong Regional Library, and on the way there yesterday [i only remembered that i didn't have school today, unlike all my poor JC-going friends who start a new school year yesterday, after i left the house and got onto the Kallang station platform, so i headed west] my bus from Boon Lay [yes, i know now that it's walking distance for Jurong East station] passed Jurong JC, and i texted my sister, who was at her first day there. the back-and-forth of texts lasted well into me settling into the painfully hip VAT [no, not Value Added Tax, though the real name escapes me now i do know that the A and T stand for "all" and "teens", respectively], reading Jennifer Government, and me telling her that she should really check this place out, because it was fantastic, and her telling me she knows.
to which i told her that JCs were so lame.
and i told her, good, good attitude. that's how i feel one should feel about schools.
yes, i do. what is the point in wasting your passion on your school? the Victorian Spirit, anyone? a school is where you beg an education off. it's a part of you simply because you were assigned or accepted there. it didn't give birth to you, it is not tied by blood to you, it has little affiliation to you. and yet you choose to affiliate yourself to it, to what? bask in its glory and hope it rubs off?
play a sport because you enjoy it. win because you want to. don't do it because it would bring glory to your school. that is as about as pointless as you can get.
now, in the states, you go to a school because it is in your district, because it is your district school. they don't spend weeks looking for a school and lobby for a couple more weeks to get in. you cannot go to any other school, excepting private schools. that is how it should be done. you go to the school in your neighbourhood. they don't compete over entering "prestige" schools. all schools are equal.
fawwaz travels from Sengkang to Serangoon for school. my sister travels from Serangoon to Jurong for school. xuan travels from Serangoon to Bouna Vista for school. matt travels from Aljunied to Bishan for school. i travel from Kallang to Tampines [i still do not see why it is pronounced tamPENIS] for school. i believe the only person i know who does not need to leave her district to get to school is rong. kids across the island wake at five AM to be in school, just in time, over two hours later. that is not how one should spend one's life.
of course.. studied there a few times.. mm.. sigh.. i cant get the jurong spirit.. i dont want it.. haha..
From: Samantha Khoo
2:21pm 3-JAN-05
to which i told her that JCs were so lame.
starting to feel that tt its v true.. i just wanna study and get out of here..
From: Samantha Khoo
2:32pm 3-JAN-05
and i told her, good, good attitude. that's how i feel one should feel about schools.
yes, i do. what is the point in wasting your passion on your school? the Victorian Spirit, anyone? a school is where you beg an education off. it's a part of you simply because you were assigned or accepted there. it didn't give birth to you, it is not tied by blood to you, it has little affiliation to you. and yet you choose to affiliate yourself to it, to what? bask in its glory and hope it rubs off?
play a sport because you enjoy it. win because you want to. don't do it because it would bring glory to your school. that is as about as pointless as you can get.
now, in the states, you go to a school because it is in your district, because it is your district school. they don't spend weeks looking for a school and lobby for a couple more weeks to get in. you cannot go to any other school, excepting private schools. that is how it should be done. you go to the school in your neighbourhood. they don't compete over entering "prestige" schools. all schools are equal.
fawwaz travels from Sengkang to Serangoon for school. my sister travels from Serangoon to Jurong for school. xuan travels from Serangoon to Bouna Vista for school. matt travels from Aljunied to Bishan for school. i travel from Kallang to Tampines [i still do not see why it is pronounced tamPENIS] for school. i believe the only person i know who does not need to leave her district to get to school is rong. kids across the island wake at five AM to be in school, just in time, over two hours later. that is not how one should spend one's life.
Monday, January 3
poor file management
i've just realized that i accidentally deleted several hundred megabytes of files i wanted some time ago, because they were accidentally dragged into a folder that contained stuff i didn't want to keep.
i think i'm going to go back to reading the book i took out.
i think i'm going to go back to reading the book i took out.
Duh.
The text says: "Pls DO NOT click *Renew all items* or ALL your items will be renewed!"
Yes, i am really in jurong, aren't i?
Sunday, January 2
two oh oh five.
remember how, last year, i said mosh04 rocked?
i lied. i mean, could there be any other reason for that? i might not have known it when i said it, but now i am confident that i was lying.
now, should you hear me say anything nice or positive about mosh05, you can also rest in the same confidence that i am lying through my teeth. because it was well and truly bad. some people beg to differ, and while i accept and thank you for [most of] your kind words, i still personally felt it stank something awful.
mosh04 started with a band that did Muse covers. mosh05 finished with a band that did Muse covers. i'm taking it as a sign that mosh has gone on for as long as it comfortably can, even if serendipity kicks me in the arse ever so often, disregarding the belief and faith i put into it.
the second day of the new year is already turning into a crap shoot. i want to go watch The Incredibles one last time before it ends it run here and the DVDs flood the market, but i haven't been able to garner much enthusiasm [be it from myself or from waz] towards getting out and watching it. i'm supposed to head out and get my hair cut with jensen later at three, too. don't even know if i want to get my hair cut. was thinking of letting it grow out, again.
time's up. first uncle and aunt-in-law are here [it's already noon].
i lied. i mean, could there be any other reason for that? i might not have known it when i said it, but now i am confident that i was lying.
now, should you hear me say anything nice or positive about mosh05, you can also rest in the same confidence that i am lying through my teeth. because it was well and truly bad. some people beg to differ, and while i accept and thank you for [most of] your kind words, i still personally felt it stank something awful.
mosh04 started with a band that did Muse covers. mosh05 finished with a band that did Muse covers. i'm taking it as a sign that mosh has gone on for as long as it comfortably can, even if serendipity kicks me in the arse ever so often, disregarding the belief and faith i put into it.
the second day of the new year is already turning into a crap shoot. i want to go watch The Incredibles one last time before it ends it run here and the DVDs flood the market, but i haven't been able to garner much enthusiasm [be it from myself or from waz] towards getting out and watching it. i'm supposed to head out and get my hair cut with jensen later at three, too. don't even know if i want to get my hair cut. was thinking of letting it grow out, again.
time's up. first uncle and aunt-in-law are here [it's already noon].
Saturday, January 1
long john silver's
i'm fricking hungry, and dinner will be ready soon, but all i want to eat is long john silver's food.
in 2004, ...
i learned that no matter how close a fit two people seem, it doesn't neccessarily mean that means a great friendship or relationship can or will occur out of it. in fact, it could be just the close fit, or some/certain aspects of it, anyway, that create issues.
so, this year, i'm not going to try any more.
so, this year, i'm not going to try any more.
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance, in the distance...
so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions
so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one
i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes or speed trains or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back
there'd be no distance that could hold us back
there'd be no distance that could hold us back
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance, in the distance...
so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions
so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one
i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes or speed trains or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back
there'd be no distance that could hold us back
there'd be no distance that could hold us back
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
so this is the new year
- "The New Year", Death Cab For Cutie
Friday, December 31
31-12-04_0002.jpg
I've just realized that there is no night rider bus service today. What the fuck am i still doing here?
Thursday, December 30
Out to lunch.
Everyone's either gone or not here yet. And everyone will be exactly half an hour. And i'm here with two microphones, two microphone stands and six cables. Life is full of funny coincidences.
no, no, no, no, no, fuck off, everyone, please.
what good will jamming do if there are no mics, amps, cables, or drums?
i want to die and tell several people to go screw themselves. so i am going to turn the air conditioning on now and go take my overdue shower.
i want to die and tell several people to go screw themselves. so i am going to turn the air conditioning on now and go take my overdue shower.
Wednesday, December 29
today is my aunt-of-sorts' birthday.
my Mac chimed midnight, and then it was. but she had already gone to sleep, so i tore a page out of my sketch book, folded it in half, wrote "shen ri kuai le*" on it the front, and placed it over her alarm clock.
*shen ri kuai le, literally translated into english, word for word, is birthday happy. see? the chinese have it all backwards.
*shen ri kuai le, literally translated into english, word for word, is birthday happy. see? the chinese have it all backwards.
Tuesday, December 28
until i figure out blogger template code...
this'll have to do.
you must come to mosh05, because i [and a couple of persons of my equivalence] worked damn fricking hard for it to happen. you've heard the story, if you read what i post here. so appreciate my efforts, my sacrifices, my sweat, my tears and my blood, and come!
you must come to mosh05, because i [and a couple of persons of my equivalence] worked damn fricking hard for it to happen. you've heard the story, if you read what i post here. so appreciate my efforts, my sacrifices, my sweat, my tears and my blood, and come!
almost gave me a bloody heart attack.
i found the gift tag. it was in a trash bag, ready for collection. someone sweeped it up and decided to chuck it. i will bear no grudges, it being the holiday season.
someone cleaned out my room.
i lost the one gift tag i wanted to keep. now all i have left is the asinine one from my sister and, of all the tags to leave behind, xuan's. it's not gnarly or anything. just not the one i want to keep.
now what am i going to do.
now what am i going to do.
Monday, December 27
Grace Khoo sounds just like Daphne Khoo.
and i know this because she just called me, because my sister diverted all her calls to me while she was in johore Bahru.
Sunday, December 26
hello.
why, yes, i'm crazy. and you are?
guilt, when i allow myself to experience it--provided it actually manifests itself in me at all, can drive me to do incredible things.
guilt, when i allow myself to experience it--provided it actually manifests itself in me at all, can drive me to do incredible things.
Saturday, December 25
stupid jam
i am retarded. fawwaz was going to go home at ten, and at ten fifty i am still crawling past the american club. he got me something, and i couldn't even be bothered to get there on time. stupid idiot.
Thursday, December 23
the best customer support people work in the middle of the night
i always seem to get infinitely better service and support when i call customer care lines in the middle of the night.
do i want nine hundred free SMS messages, airtime rollover and free IDD? or do i want all-day free incoming calls? i'm more than ready to trade four hundred free messages for all-day free incoming, and i'll surely exceed the free outgoing minutes every month, so it boils down to free IDD.
i'll call my mom to call them.
do i want nine hundred free SMS messages, airtime rollover and free IDD? or do i want all-day free incoming calls? i'm more than ready to trade four hundred free messages for all-day free incoming, and i'll surely exceed the free outgoing minutes every month, so it boils down to free IDD.
i'll call my mom to call them.
Wednesday, December 22
mush05
i am now certain that if i move my head too quickly, the mush that is my brain will slosh around noisily.
i have been ill for about forty-eight hours now, and my body aches all over, and my nose sniffles every couple of mintues. typing is an effort. flipping open my phone took so much energy i couldn't even start what i wanted to do [which was clean up the inbox because the phone is full].
brain is mush. brain is no thinking any more. mouth very dry. i woke today like someone sucked all the saliva and wetness out of my mouth [and not in a good way either, though how would i know what the good way feels like].
class that was supposed to start at nine but just started. it's about mickey mouse stuff that i don't have to pay attention to anyway. must go home to nap and get my health back. but must call Club Rainbow and damon for the drums. and maybe call the bands. and maybe fling myself off the side of a building.
i have been ill for about forty-eight hours now, and my body aches all over, and my nose sniffles every couple of mintues. typing is an effort. flipping open my phone took so much energy i couldn't even start what i wanted to do [which was clean up the inbox because the phone is full].
brain is mush. brain is no thinking any more. mouth very dry. i woke today like someone sucked all the saliva and wetness out of my mouth [and not in a good way either, though how would i know what the good way feels like].
class that was supposed to start at nine but just started. it's about mickey mouse stuff that i don't have to pay attention to anyway. must go home to nap and get my health back. but must call Club Rainbow and damon for the drums. and maybe call the bands. and maybe fling myself off the side of a building.
Saturday, December 18
FAMILIES AGAINST the CASINO THREAT in SINGAPORE
FAMILIES AGAINST the CASINO THREAT in SINGAPORE
courtesy of Colin Tan's MSN Messenger Service display name.
i don't have the time to really say what i want to say. but put simply:
do all children in Las Vegas grow up learning that it is OK to gamble? don't blame the effects of poor parenting on environmental variables that, frankly, have little effect on how your kid is brought up. where in the world can children be brought up without temptations and threats? the greater issue is making sure your kid is in a place where he doesn't feel the need, want or desire to give in to temptation or yield to threats. if you feel so strongly about having a casino in your backyard, move. it can't be helped if you can't parent, or your kids decide that you can't parent, no matter where you live, and whether there's a casino next door.
take charge of your children and your families. don't use a weak excuse like this for the downfall of your sad society. singapore and singaporeans may just be one big flock of sheep and herd of cattle, but to say that dropping a casino here is the apocalypse for us all is ludricrious. we are a nation with ever-populated Singapore Pools outlets, Turf Club booths and Star Cruises ships with casinos in them. what difference will this really make?
courtesy of Colin Tan's MSN Messenger Service display name.
i don't have the time to really say what i want to say. but put simply:
do all children in Las Vegas grow up learning that it is OK to gamble? don't blame the effects of poor parenting on environmental variables that, frankly, have little effect on how your kid is brought up. where in the world can children be brought up without temptations and threats? the greater issue is making sure your kid is in a place where he doesn't feel the need, want or desire to give in to temptation or yield to threats. if you feel so strongly about having a casino in your backyard, move. it can't be helped if you can't parent, or your kids decide that you can't parent, no matter where you live, and whether there's a casino next door.
take charge of your children and your families. don't use a weak excuse like this for the downfall of your sad society. singapore and singaporeans may just be one big flock of sheep and herd of cattle, but to say that dropping a casino here is the apocalypse for us all is ludricrious. we are a nation with ever-populated Singapore Pools outlets, Turf Club booths and Star Cruises ships with casinos in them. what difference will this really make?
regarding the last two posts...
i put them up, because i originally scraped the paper in my sketch book with the full intention of posting whatever i wrote.
reading them now, i'm not sure i meant all of it. i know why i'm doing it. i'm just no longer sure the reason why is still worth it.
reading them now, i'm not sure i meant all of it. i know why i'm doing it. i'm just no longer sure the reason why is still worth it.
also transcribed from aaron's sketch book
for mosh, i went all the way back to Chuan Park to get the notes i took in my sketch book.
for mosh, i missed the last 853 to Geylang Lorong 1.
for mosh, i am now sitting on a bus stop along Boundary Road, like a terrific idiot.
why the fuck am i doing mosh?
for mosh, i missed the last 853 to Geylang Lorong 1.
for mosh, i am now sitting on a bus stop along Boundary Road, like a terrific idiot.
why the fuck am i doing mosh?
transcribed from aaron's sketch book
why am i putting myself through all this crap?
oh, i'm not going to touch that one.
but, really, why is everything just so hard?
is it true that the harder you work for something, the more you enjoy it? i bloody hope not, because there has been many things i have worked myself to death for, but none that i ended up being able to enjoy.
to the point that i find that life is more bearable if you see it as a set of objectives, expectations, obligations. these are the right reasons for doing things. not friendship, love, care or concern. you don't want to die from living life, do you?
oh, i'm not going to touch that one.
but, really, why is everything just so hard?
is it true that the harder you work for something, the more you enjoy it? i bloody hope not, because there has been many things i have worked myself to death for, but none that i ended up being able to enjoy.
to the point that i find that life is more bearable if you see it as a set of objectives, expectations, obligations. these are the right reasons for doing things. not friendship, love, care or concern. you don't want to die from living life, do you?
Wednesday, December 15
merde. merde, merde, merde.
the gmail invite that fawwaz oh-so-kindly sent to me has made it into my inbox. but after the frustration of confirming that userids have to be at least six characters, i got irritated to the point of nonsense when i discovered both "aaronkhoo" and "aaron.khoo" were taken. so i started being random with userid ideas. i tried names from The O.C. "ryanatwood" was taken, "sethcohen" was taken. i thought somemore and tried something else. i was just being cheeky with the system, really.
but now i'm sethulacohen@gmail.com
but now i'm sethulacohen@gmail.com
how many aaron khoos are there in the world?
choosing a gmail userid is hard. the limit is at least six characters, so aklw is out, and i can't seem to find anything suited to me. both aaronkhoo and aaron.khoo are taken.
random
the journey from Chuan Park to Temasek Polytechnic? is fucking abysmal.
i spent fifty minutes on service eight, and it wasn't a double-deckered bus either. and that's already having saved half an hour by having my mom drive me to toa payoh and drop me off near the bus-stop on her way to work.
i need sleep. i need coffee. i need to get out of here. i need to finish my class. i need to go to Tan Tock Seng after class. i need to go back to Chuan Park. i need to redeem Red Rewards and StarHub loyalty points.
but what do i want to do?
i spent fifty minutes on service eight, and it wasn't a double-deckered bus either. and that's already having saved half an hour by having my mom drive me to toa payoh and drop me off near the bus-stop on her way to work.
i need sleep. i need coffee. i need to get out of here. i need to finish my class. i need to go to Tan Tock Seng after class. i need to go back to Chuan Park. i need to redeem Red Rewards and StarHub loyalty points.
but what do i want to do?
Tuesday, December 14
nescafe
in this ongoing class break that will end in five minutes' time, i have:
called kenneth to ask him about the wood he wants me to saw [though someone who failed Model Making last semster and must retake it now, which incidentally is the class i'm in the midst of now, isn't the best person to ask, but maybe i'm the only PID student he knows or feels comfortable enough with to ask?],
bought and drank a nescafe cafe latte iced coffee,
read ondine's blog, if only the lastest post,
downloaded four new [to me] Earlimart tracks,
and synced them to my iPod.
and, now, back to work.
called kenneth to ask him about the wood he wants me to saw [though someone who failed Model Making last semster and must retake it now, which incidentally is the class i'm in the midst of now, isn't the best person to ask, but maybe i'm the only PID student he knows or feels comfortable enough with to ask?],
bought and drank a nescafe cafe latte iced coffee,
read ondine's blog, if only the lastest post,
downloaded four new [to me] Earlimart tracks,
and synced them to my iPod.
and, now, back to work.
Monday, December 13
dilemma
so, by being home over the weekend, i missed the fresh-from-the-oven rush for several television shows, sticking me with my eyes glazing over whilst i watch the ever-changing bitrate on the last one to finish. but i have school in about one hour. and today is a day where i have to wait three hours in the studio between my first class and my second class. if i bring my PowerBook out, i can entertain myself, but i would interrupt this, and i might never get a decent bitrate again. if i don't bring my PowerBook out, it might finish by the time i get back, but my entire brain might glaze over in the three hours at school.
what to do?
what to do?
crashdown cafe
i arrived happy. going there and coming back wasn't the fastest way to get here, but hey, i wanted to do it and it was good for me. don't question or complain, okay? just... ride.
but, apparently:
it's not a good idea for me to bring my PowerBook home.
and i did, over the last weekend. my father knew already, which was really the end of it all. so what difference does it make that my mother and my other sister now know? i don't like lying, but even in telling the truth that i have a personal computer i've to tell them the lie that it's just a loan, of sorts, from my first aunt, because she's not using it and passed it to me. so i can't even live that little bit free-er and not have to hide everything and be sneaky around a place that i'm supposed to consider my home? i can't just leave my bag lying around instead of having to bring it with me, room to room, or lock it up, so no one will see the cat that everyone knows about anyway?
life might be happier if i didn't live in a home with people i'm related to. i can't wait to move out, or move in elsewhere, or with someone else. i can't even say anything, because i wasn't being berated, scolded, or argued with. i was being rationalized to, reasoned to, in even, reasonable tones that normally could invite debate, countering and negotiation, but experience has taught that this tone means: this is what i think is best for you, and you should not do anything else.
even the subtext isn't definite or controlling. but you know the meaning. and i definitely know the feeling.
but, apparently:
it's not a good idea for me to bring my PowerBook home.
and i did, over the last weekend. my father knew already, which was really the end of it all. so what difference does it make that my mother and my other sister now know? i don't like lying, but even in telling the truth that i have a personal computer i've to tell them the lie that it's just a loan, of sorts, from my first aunt, because she's not using it and passed it to me. so i can't even live that little bit free-er and not have to hide everything and be sneaky around a place that i'm supposed to consider my home? i can't just leave my bag lying around instead of having to bring it with me, room to room, or lock it up, so no one will see the cat that everyone knows about anyway?
life might be happier if i didn't live in a home with people i'm related to. i can't wait to move out, or move in elsewhere, or with someone else. i can't even say anything, because i wasn't being berated, scolded, or argued with. i was being rationalized to, reasoned to, in even, reasonable tones that normally could invite debate, countering and negotiation, but experience has taught that this tone means: this is what i think is best for you, and you should not do anything else.
even the subtext isn't definite or controlling. but you know the meaning. and i definitely know the feeling.
Sunday, December 12
Saturday, December 11
I want to chase after you and throw my glass of cranberry juice on you
Because, you do not leave without saying goodbye.
Friday, December 10
i tell you...
... there is nothing more annoying now than the double-beep-beep of my 8910 or the low drone of its ringing.
you're wasting my life
good god it's three am and i need to sleep but i can't because i am purportedly waiting on an email from cheryl somebody who was supposed to have sent the email over twenty-four hours ago but is only texting me now to say that she's sent it and could i let her know if i didn't receive anything why can't people appreciate the fact that i can't work without the copy being provided to me first tomorrow i have to go to sim lim square to buy dax's new lcd monitor with him and install it and possible meet cheryl and fawwaz and go back to chuan park to pick up the eighth-inch mini-stereo to rca cable and possibly my new sim which has a crappy number and i don't think i want to use it should i tell people my new number there are some people i don't want to tell but to leave some people out of the rain would be too mean so i should either tell all or tell none man i need to sleep now.
Tuesday, December 7
Microsoft Publisher for Mac
why doesn't that exist? cheryl just called, and apparently no progress has been made on the programme for the ECGS party. i need a fast and simple desktop publisher that also gives me room to breathe and work in.
now all i have is PowerPoint. i can't procure [not to mention even learn] PageMaker, InDesign, or QuarkExpress in time. so what to do?
i just checked Mail, and her email's not made it through yet. i guess i'll be bringing my PowerBook out with me tomorrow, like it or not.
now all i have is PowerPoint. i can't procure [not to mention even learn] PageMaker, InDesign, or QuarkExpress in time. so what to do?
i just checked Mail, and her email's not made it through yet. i guess i'll be bringing my PowerBook out with me tomorrow, like it or not.
Monday, December 6
"it's like we're standing in the same room and he won't even talk to me."
i don't know what is thought about it, but i don't like signing on, saying nothing, and then signing off because nothing's been said.
and i've long tired of having to constantly make an effort to order to have just a sliver of conversation.
bonne nuit. i have school tomorrow.
and i've long tired of having to constantly make an effort to order to have just a sliver of conversation.
bonne nuit. i have school tomorrow.
Sunday, December 5
suddenly...
i feel completely and utterly alone.
the onset of school, tomorrow, doesn't help, either.
the onset of school, tomorrow, doesn't help, either.
e, motion, less
i had a lot to say. but now i just feel hollow and worn out.
just because i obviously didn't mean it when i said it doesn't mean it didn't hurt when i heard it. i kept switching my phone off and on, because the heart would rather believe that the phone was screwed up. the brain knew the SIM slot was dodgy, but it also knew it was more likely that the feelings you have for your own birthday were mutual.
i left in the middle of my own party. i'm not going to say something stupid, like that i can't even think of eating the paralines now because they seem to reek of smokes, but even though i know should eventually consume them, i can't, really. though, come to think of it--millions of people can't be wrong!
a nice dinner and nice gifts do not make a happy birthday. and let's not try again next year, because if i make it to the next one, i'm probably just going to disappear. you can't be disappointed if you remove all hope. it was what i was going to do this year, anyway. it's just that i knew that they put effort, time, and money into it. but this is fair warning. not everything needs to be a surprise.
i've been crushed, disappointed, had my heart broken, been pissed about and pissed off, had too much hope and suffered the letdown, and right here, moped, brooded, and quoted the simpsons.
this birthday is officially over. it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to.
now if only i could cry.
just because i obviously didn't mean it when i said it doesn't mean it didn't hurt when i heard it. i kept switching my phone off and on, because the heart would rather believe that the phone was screwed up. the brain knew the SIM slot was dodgy, but it also knew it was more likely that the feelings you have for your own birthday were mutual.
i left in the middle of my own party. i'm not going to say something stupid, like that i can't even think of eating the paralines now because they seem to reek of smokes, but even though i know should eventually consume them, i can't, really. though, come to think of it--millions of people can't be wrong!
a nice dinner and nice gifts do not make a happy birthday. and let's not try again next year, because if i make it to the next one, i'm probably just going to disappear. you can't be disappointed if you remove all hope. it was what i was going to do this year, anyway. it's just that i knew that they put effort, time, and money into it. but this is fair warning. not everything needs to be a surprise.
i've been crushed, disappointed, had my heart broken, been pissed about and pissed off, had too much hope and suffered the letdown, and right here, moped, brooded, and quoted the simpsons.
this birthday is officially over. it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to.
now if only i could cry.
Saturday, December 4
Friday, December 3
there it goes
the wish for a quiet birthday. not neccesarily lonely, but quiet. go somewhere where no one knows it's my birthday, even if it's a Nanyang party. Nokia Care Center and AppleCare Center? sure, why not. chase paper, chase strangers, chase parts, chase titanium covers, PowerBook hinges, owed coffees and broken microphones.
i was going to see if there was any chance i could just go out, quietly, with one or two people.
he gave in before i ran out of evasiveness. calling and hanging up. very mature. also very clever, what with the advent of Caller ID and all. also, like i keep saying, mis-sent messages are very dangerous.
i could have gotten out of here if i wanted to, at any time. i mean, think about it. it's my birthday, they'd give up some time to let me out [after all, we're not talking about my father or my mother here], it's all dependent on whether i want to.
and do i want to? the answer is no.
i don't want to do the whole gather-a-ginormous-amount-of-people-and-blow-candles thing. how many people in that number can i consider my friends? or, in fact, how many should i consider my friends? do i know all the people present? do i really know anyone present?
i don't need that, ever. not in any time of my life do i need that. my birthday is no exception.
kenneth asked me if i was pissed. i told him weeks ago that, not that i was saying anyone was definitely going to do anything for me, but if you catch wind of anyone trying to, could you tell them not to? when he called and hung up, i got pissed off; not only were they trying to spring something onto me, kenneth was involved. but by the time he asked me i was done being pissed. so i told him that i wasn't pissed, only because i was telling myself not to.
what should i do now? go and fake it? or piss everyone off? i don't want to do either. that's why, even when xuan broke down and told me what he was trying to do, i still told him i didn't want to go over. even though my sister was going to come and look after my granddad. so why am i going? the time, effort and money expended. tell me what you want, what i should do, how i should act. because i know i won't do the right thing.
i already know jensen's not going to be there, because he's going to L.A. as for who else i would've liked to see there, if i had actually wanted this, well who knows. it's ironic that several days after deciding it and then deciding against blogging about it [it being my being fed-up with people contacting me solely for technical support], someone tries to play me out with just that. it matters not whether i thought i smelt a rat. even if i didn't, i wouldn't have gone. this, however, doesn't mean i mind doing technical support, in general. for some people, i am always at your service. but if you haven't talked to me in ages or don't talk to me normally, don't expect any favours, unless you're lucky and i'm feeling charitable when you ask. but you combine the recent desicion and my recent mood and no dice, xuan. and all this is assuming i didn't think i smelt a rat.
i'm tired. the irritation is still coarsing through my veins, and normally i would stand a better chance of spontaneously combusting or dying than falling asleep when i'm like this, but the steriod pill i'm trying out for my ezcema knocks me out completely. alors, bonne nuit et au revoir.
it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to.
i was going to see if there was any chance i could just go out, quietly, with one or two people.
he gave in before i ran out of evasiveness. calling and hanging up. very mature. also very clever, what with the advent of Caller ID and all. also, like i keep saying, mis-sent messages are very dangerous.
i could have gotten out of here if i wanted to, at any time. i mean, think about it. it's my birthday, they'd give up some time to let me out [after all, we're not talking about my father or my mother here], it's all dependent on whether i want to.
and do i want to? the answer is no.
i don't want to do the whole gather-a-ginormous-amount-of-people-and-blow-candles thing. how many people in that number can i consider my friends? or, in fact, how many should i consider my friends? do i know all the people present? do i really know anyone present?
i don't need that, ever. not in any time of my life do i need that. my birthday is no exception.
kenneth asked me if i was pissed. i told him weeks ago that, not that i was saying anyone was definitely going to do anything for me, but if you catch wind of anyone trying to, could you tell them not to? when he called and hung up, i got pissed off; not only were they trying to spring something onto me, kenneth was involved. but by the time he asked me i was done being pissed. so i told him that i wasn't pissed, only because i was telling myself not to.
what should i do now? go and fake it? or piss everyone off? i don't want to do either. that's why, even when xuan broke down and told me what he was trying to do, i still told him i didn't want to go over. even though my sister was going to come and look after my granddad. so why am i going? the time, effort and money expended. tell me what you want, what i should do, how i should act. because i know i won't do the right thing.
i already know jensen's not going to be there, because he's going to L.A. as for who else i would've liked to see there, if i had actually wanted this, well who knows. it's ironic that several days after deciding it and then deciding against blogging about it [it being my being fed-up with people contacting me solely for technical support], someone tries to play me out with just that. it matters not whether i thought i smelt a rat. even if i didn't, i wouldn't have gone. this, however, doesn't mean i mind doing technical support, in general. for some people, i am always at your service. but if you haven't talked to me in ages or don't talk to me normally, don't expect any favours, unless you're lucky and i'm feeling charitable when you ask. but you combine the recent desicion and my recent mood and no dice, xuan. and all this is assuming i didn't think i smelt a rat.
i'm tired. the irritation is still coarsing through my veins, and normally i would stand a better chance of spontaneously combusting or dying than falling asleep when i'm like this, but the steriod pill i'm trying out for my ezcema knocks me out completely. alors, bonne nuit et au revoir.
it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to.
Thursday, December 2
AppleCare
so it was just a faulty AC adaptor. popped over to AppleCentre@Orchard to see what was wrong, and then went to the AppleCare centre at Ang Mo Kio to exchange the adaptor for a new one. and i got the last one currently in stock, too.
originally meant to go get my Nokia checked out at the Nokia Care Center in Wheelock while i was there, but jensen wanted to go grab lunch at Burger King whilst waiting for my number [129] to be called, but by the time we got back to the NCC they'd already called 130 and were calling 131.
my contact lenses suck. must do that protein removal thing tonight. had to go to that optical shop opposite Substance and buy a contact lens case and ask for them to squirt some solution inside so i could take out my lenses and wear my glasses. which part of my brain decided to bring glasses out but not the contact lens case?
and the return of BastardDad: last night when the money arrived he, very politely and nicely, called and told me to transfer a thousand to my mom's account and drawn four thousand so he could collect it tomorrow. when i told him i was going to take a thousand out of his four to buy the V3, he near blew up and went back to the same person who threw me out the house. i asked him what he needed four thousand for, and he said he needed "living expenses". which is read as "beer and betting money". his four grand won't last him four days. so, fed up with yet another broken promise [bet/Motorola Razr V3], i told him i won't be in tomorrow, and he would have to get it from whoever was in here. miffed, he asked where i was going tomorrow.
i told him, "what business is it of yours?"
so last night was the first time i spent two days in a McDonald's, waiting for midnight to arrive with my sister. we ate, sat, talked, i called jensen, and once it was past midnight i withdrew another two thousand to make the four. i returned every cent of the remittance to him, down to the last twenty-eight cents.
originally meant to go get my Nokia checked out at the Nokia Care Center in Wheelock while i was there, but jensen wanted to go grab lunch at Burger King whilst waiting for my number [129] to be called, but by the time we got back to the NCC they'd already called 130 and were calling 131.
my contact lenses suck. must do that protein removal thing tonight. had to go to that optical shop opposite Substance and buy a contact lens case and ask for them to squirt some solution inside so i could take out my lenses and wear my glasses. which part of my brain decided to bring glasses out but not the contact lens case?
and the return of BastardDad: last night when the money arrived he, very politely and nicely, called and told me to transfer a thousand to my mom's account and drawn four thousand so he could collect it tomorrow. when i told him i was going to take a thousand out of his four to buy the V3, he near blew up and went back to the same person who threw me out the house. i asked him what he needed four thousand for, and he said he needed "living expenses". which is read as "beer and betting money". his four grand won't last him four days. so, fed up with yet another broken promise [bet/Motorola Razr V3], i told him i won't be in tomorrow, and he would have to get it from whoever was in here. miffed, he asked where i was going tomorrow.
i told him, "what business is it of yours?"
so last night was the first time i spent two days in a McDonald's, waiting for midnight to arrive with my sister. we ate, sat, talked, i called jensen, and once it was past midnight i withdrew another two thousand to make the four. i returned every cent of the remittance to him, down to the last twenty-eight cents.
Wednesday, December 1
fuck off
so. today, my PowerBook broke.
and. my father refuses to give me the money he owes me for the V3. fuck him. i'll give him back all the money, down to the last twenty-eight cents.
and! during the current commercial break for singapore idol, the Motorola Razr V3 ad played.
and. my father refuses to give me the money he owes me for the V3. fuck him. i'll give him back all the money, down to the last twenty-eight cents.
and! during the current commercial break for singapore idol, the Motorola Razr V3 ad played.
Tuesday, November 30
ADDENDUMMOTO
it seems most of the Motorola range seems to appeal to me. even the basement-bottom, zero-functionality V180.
i officially denounce Sony Ericsson. i may still like your French-themed ads, but you can keep your squirrels, your crystalized keypads, your Memory Sticks, your queer swivel designs, your FM radios and especially your relegating of the yes/no interface to the basemennt-bottom phones. see you in a bit.
i still hate Nokias with a passion, though. i don't forsee that changing any time soon.
Intelligence Everywhere™
i officially denounce Sony Ericsson. i may still like your French-themed ads, but you can keep your squirrels, your crystalized keypads, your Memory Sticks, your queer swivel designs, your FM radios and especially your relegating of the yes/no interface to the basemennt-bottom phones. see you in a bit.
i still hate Nokias with a passion, though. i don't forsee that changing any time soon.
Intelligence Everywhere™
HELLOMOTO
odd how when i'm looking for a new phone, i keep going back to, in order of preference, either the V3, V80, V600 or E398. all are Motorolas, all are functionally identical and the last three cost exactly the same though all four are aimed at different markets.
odd. i guess my Ericsson Era is over.
odd. i guess my Ericsson Era is over.
wants and aspirations
if i were a version two Sim, i would have just acheived the fear of a bad phone call.
we used to be friends
we are not amused anymore.
here i am, bored on a tuesday afternoon, listening to house music in front of my PowerBook, which by the way is part of the reason why i was thrown out. no one to talk to, no good blogs to read, nothing to do. this ennui will probably carry on through the semester that begins in seven days.
life is indeed monotonous. and if not quite monotonous, then at least irritatingly cyclic.
the only things i have learned today are that i like my hair shorter, and that i like writing with a sharpie-type marker or felt-tip pens.
it's one more day before the abhorrent, loathsome, insipid, asinine month of december begins. i hate december.
life is indeed monotonous. and that's not really funny.
here i am, bored on a tuesday afternoon, listening to house music in front of my PowerBook, which by the way is part of the reason why i was thrown out. no one to talk to, no good blogs to read, nothing to do. this ennui will probably carry on through the semester that begins in seven days.
life is indeed monotonous. and if not quite monotonous, then at least irritatingly cyclic.
the only things i have learned today are that i like my hair shorter, and that i like writing with a sharpie-type marker or felt-tip pens.
it's one more day before the abhorrent, loathsome, insipid, asinine month of december begins. i hate december.
life is indeed monotonous. and that's not really funny.
Monday, November 29
"i have nothing to say about this one."
my father just called and told me, in no uncertain terms, that i was no longer welcome at home.
and my heart, it's supposed to bleed? i'm upset about not getting the money for the Motorola Razr V3 now, but other than that i'm thinking of all the damage i'll do when i go home to get all my stuff, and i'm really, really happy.
and my heart, it's supposed to bleed? i'm upset about not getting the money for the Motorola Razr V3 now, but other than that i'm thinking of all the damage i'll do when i go home to get all my stuff, and i'm really, really happy.
for every action ... ... there is a reaction
"Amy?"
"Shhh!"
"Is everything alright?"
"Ephram just signed on! Right there! He sees me. And he knows that i see him, this is so insane."
"What is? What is going on with you two? I know that he came by the other night, that he left rather suddenly... What is it, sweetheart?"
[turns to look at HAROLD] "Everything's all messed up. It was good when he got home, at least I thought it was and then we got into this stupid fight. It wasn't even a fight, I don't even know what it was, all I know is that none of this would have happened if he hadn't had gotten that letter."
"There was a letter?"
"Yes, from Juilliard, apparently he got a really crappy evaluation from his summer programme, and now he says that he needs to practice everyday, and that he may not have time for a girlfriend, which is totally not true because I am really low-maintainence when it comes to that kind of stuff, you know?"
"Absolutely."
"See? I know! But he doesn't even want to hear it! And, now, I have to deal with tomorrow, my first day of senior year, and I don't even know if I'm in a new relationship or not."
[turns back to the computer] "It's like we're standing in the same room and he won't even talk to me."
"Amy, look away from the screen. Come on, you can do it..." [starts to chuckle]
"Shhh!"
"Is everything alright?"
"Ephram just signed on! Right there! He sees me. And he knows that i see him, this is so insane."
"What is? What is going on with you two? I know that he came by the other night, that he left rather suddenly... What is it, sweetheart?"
[turns to look at HAROLD] "Everything's all messed up. It was good when he got home, at least I thought it was and then we got into this stupid fight. It wasn't even a fight, I don't even know what it was, all I know is that none of this would have happened if he hadn't had gotten that letter."
"There was a letter?"
"Yes, from Juilliard, apparently he got a really crappy evaluation from his summer programme, and now he says that he needs to practice everyday, and that he may not have time for a girlfriend, which is totally not true because I am really low-maintainence when it comes to that kind of stuff, you know?"
"Absolutely."
"See? I know! But he doesn't even want to hear it! And, now, I have to deal with tomorrow, my first day of senior year, and I don't even know if I'm in a new relationship or not."
[turns back to the computer] "It's like we're standing in the same room and he won't even talk to me."
"Amy, look away from the screen. Come on, you can do it..." [starts to chuckle]
Sunday, November 28
sous la pluie
bloody hell, i hate talking to myself. i should also hate talking to someone about a girl who's too busy to hate him, and another who keeps changing her mind [do they have so many in stock?] about dating him, but i can't, so i'll settle for mildly irritated. but, bloody hell, i hate talking to myself. it isn't enough that i end up having to make an effort because you don't, i don't even get a response? bloody hell.
Tuesday, November 23
"bizarro day, huh?"
sunday:
jenghis's birthday. meet, wait, discuss, cuss, call, enquire, discuss, decide, discuss the location of the nearest cafe cartel, decide all over again, walk to marche, stop at lucky plaza, wait at lucky plaza, find out they already went to marche, holler at them over the Nokia, walk to marche, wait, get seated at a bench, wait, jenghis arrives, i order a diet snapple and matt thinks it's funny, they eat, we leave, they jack jenghis whilst i walk right over to fawwaz's gift-wrapping booth, all beats in place and counted for.
then we parted. half went to pool, fawwaz went back to his booth, matt went home, xuan and kenneth followed me shopping. evenrything was closed or closing. including Kennth Cole. closed. i just stared in through the window for a couple of seconds. then walked towards the Topman at Wisma Atria. and looked for something to buy. everything was either ugly, too cheap, or i didn't need it. in the end i decided on i-love-it-but-don't-need-it. a grey sandblast pinstripe blazer. pretty. and a hundred and twenty-three dollars. i charged it to my MasterCard and enjoyed the richness of it.
then xuan wanted to see a busker doing magic tricks. then xuan wanted a cookie from Coffee Club Express. so we went. and the iced cafe latte was rather good. then i called fawwaz, and we all met up and got onto the NEL and went home.
monday:
woke slightly late for the gallery. got up, showered, did whatever i could with my brother's wet-gloss gel [ew, and yes, i was at home], decided to bring my stuff with me so i can go to my aunt's direct, used the notebook case my aunt gave me, decided to wear the blazer i bought yesterday and stole my father's shoes. they hurt. but i looked good.
went to xuan's aunt's gallery. it was a nice place. too nice to hold mosh. things will break.
then followed fawwaz to The Heeren Shops to exchange Moby's Play for the De-Lovely soundtrack. i've been in town too many times this week. i'm starting to reek of town. yet after getting the exchange done at HMV, what do i do but pop over to Spinelli's for a Latte Spin?
after that, i headed over here. business as usual for a couple of hours. then my mom texts:
no advance notice, no "so do you want to trade in your phone", nothing.
she just decides out of the blue that she's going to trade in the phone i've been using, without much of a plan as to what i'm going to use after she trades it in, except for this nugget she reveals when i call her, carefully concealing the fit i'm throwing:
"at the most i get the 6230 lor, because if later next few months you want something else then i can take that phone what. i don't like what siemens, motorola, samsung, sony ericsson one."
"i don't like nokias."
"aiyah, just anyhow use for one two months can one what."
i am not my siblings. i am not my mother or father. when i buy something, it is something i've decided i want to commit to for a while. it goes without saying that i won't buy anything i do not like. just because my brother changes mobile phones three times in the last year doesn't mean i will. i want a Motorola Razr V3. or a Motorola V600. neither of which my mom will let me buy, no matter how long i argue.
and what, i can't buy a Motorola because she doesn't like them, and i can't not buy a Nokia even if i hate them?
so. what happens? i buy the Nokia off my mother. she just wants the money. she's piss-scared that the value of the Nokia 8910 that i'm using now will depreciate further [what a shocker]. are you reading what i've typed? i've been driven to such desperate measures by my mother and my father that i've actually BOUGHT A NOKIA OFF MY MOTHER. and the most Nokian of all Nokias, no less.
so, after all that? my dad calls in the evening. drunk. wanting money from me. i ignore him and call my mother to notify her. she's even more piss-scared that i will give the $140 that's supposed to go to her to him. i hang up on both of them and go to watch TV.
that's it. i don't care how much it costs, but next month when more of my father's money comes in, i'm taking money out to buy a V3. i don't bloody care any more.
jenghis's birthday. meet, wait, discuss, cuss, call, enquire, discuss, decide, discuss the location of the nearest cafe cartel, decide all over again, walk to marche, stop at lucky plaza, wait at lucky plaza, find out they already went to marche, holler at them over the Nokia, walk to marche, wait, get seated at a bench, wait, jenghis arrives, i order a diet snapple and matt thinks it's funny, they eat, we leave, they jack jenghis whilst i walk right over to fawwaz's gift-wrapping booth, all beats in place and counted for.
then we parted. half went to pool, fawwaz went back to his booth, matt went home, xuan and kenneth followed me shopping. evenrything was closed or closing. including Kennth Cole. closed. i just stared in through the window for a couple of seconds. then walked towards the Topman at Wisma Atria. and looked for something to buy. everything was either ugly, too cheap, or i didn't need it. in the end i decided on i-love-it-but-don't-need-it. a grey sandblast pinstripe blazer. pretty. and a hundred and twenty-three dollars. i charged it to my MasterCard and enjoyed the richness of it.
then xuan wanted to see a busker doing magic tricks. then xuan wanted a cookie from Coffee Club Express. so we went. and the iced cafe latte was rather good. then i called fawwaz, and we all met up and got onto the NEL and went home.
monday:
woke slightly late for the gallery. got up, showered, did whatever i could with my brother's wet-gloss gel [ew, and yes, i was at home], decided to bring my stuff with me so i can go to my aunt's direct, used the notebook case my aunt gave me, decided to wear the blazer i bought yesterday and stole my father's shoes. they hurt. but i looked good.
went to xuan's aunt's gallery. it was a nice place. too nice to hold mosh. things will break.
then followed fawwaz to The Heeren Shops to exchange Moby's Play for the De-Lovely soundtrack. i've been in town too many times this week. i'm starting to reek of town. yet after getting the exchange done at HMV, what do i do but pop over to Spinelli's for a Latte Spin?
after that, i headed over here. business as usual for a couple of hours. then my mom texts:
"Tomoro I'm doing e trade in of ür phone. which model ü wanted? N i nd ür tis phone n charger too..when ü b back here?"
no advance notice, no "so do you want to trade in your phone", nothing.
she just decides out of the blue that she's going to trade in the phone i've been using, without much of a plan as to what i'm going to use after she trades it in, except for this nugget she reveals when i call her, carefully concealing the fit i'm throwing:
"at the most i get the 6230 lor, because if later next few months you want something else then i can take that phone what. i don't like what siemens, motorola, samsung, sony ericsson one."
"i don't like nokias."
"aiyah, just anyhow use for one two months can one what."
i am not my siblings. i am not my mother or father. when i buy something, it is something i've decided i want to commit to for a while. it goes without saying that i won't buy anything i do not like. just because my brother changes mobile phones three times in the last year doesn't mean i will. i want a Motorola Razr V3. or a Motorola V600. neither of which my mom will let me buy, no matter how long i argue.
and what, i can't buy a Motorola because she doesn't like them, and i can't not buy a Nokia even if i hate them?
so. what happens? i buy the Nokia off my mother. she just wants the money. she's piss-scared that the value of the Nokia 8910 that i'm using now will depreciate further [what a shocker]. are you reading what i've typed? i've been driven to such desperate measures by my mother and my father that i've actually BOUGHT A NOKIA OFF MY MOTHER. and the most Nokian of all Nokias, no less.
so, after all that? my dad calls in the evening. drunk. wanting money from me. i ignore him and call my mother to notify her. she's even more piss-scared that i will give the $140 that's supposed to go to her to him. i hang up on both of them and go to watch TV.
that's it. i don't care how much it costs, but next month when more of my father's money comes in, i'm taking money out to buy a V3. i don't bloody care any more.
Friday, November 19
a lack of color
I've failed.
These things happen? It's okay? Never mind? See you
in school? It will be okay? Shouldn't you be more
worried about your parents? Take it easy?
No.
I dont know what to do.
These things happen? It's okay? Never mind? See you
in school? It will be okay? Shouldn't you be more
worried about your parents? Take it easy?
No.
I dont know what to do.
Thursday, November 18
mix 2
I'm at HMV now, with jensen. And i've just spent sixty
dollars on three cds. It turns out i also tend to
spend when im in a good mood, though at least its less
than half what i spent on the same number of cds when
i bought stuff in bad mood. Oh. Wait. We might hit the
place at roxy square later.
dollars on three cds. It turns out i also tend to
spend when im in a good mood, though at least its less
than half what i spent on the same number of cds when
i bought stuff in bad mood. Oh. Wait. We might hit the
place at roxy square later.
Wednesday, November 17
earphoneless/microphoneless
someone up there must really hate me, because this is my new, permanent, phone: Nokia - Nokia 8910 Phone
irony: my unserviceable Ericsson had an earphone that got so soft i can so longer hear anyone on the other line unless i'm in a library-like place. this Nokia has a microphone that doesn't work.
Nokia: Connecting People
Ericsson: Make Yourself Heard
Aaron: Bloody Pissed Off
irony: my unserviceable Ericsson had an earphone that got so soft i can so longer hear anyone on the other line unless i'm in a library-like place. this Nokia has a microphone that doesn't work.
Nokia: Connecting People
Ericsson: Make Yourself Heard
Aaron: Bloody Pissed Off
"Okay, I know you don't like it, but that is one snazzy phone"
-Lin Hongxuan, 17
paris in new york
i think i'm getting old. i've never quite felt like this, going back by myself, before.
Sunday, November 14
the ties that, unfortunately, bind
they made my grandpa wait over a hour.
for their silly tea ceremony.
OilyMan and ChihuahuaFace.
and nary a red packet.
Digital SLR and DV camera.
dinner tonight at seven PM, Shangri-La Hotel.
like, ew.
for their silly tea ceremony.
OilyMan and ChihuahuaFace.
and nary a red packet.
Digital SLR and DV camera.
dinner tonight at seven PM, Shangri-La Hotel.
like, ew.
the way we were
morning - afternoon:
brunch at Crystal Jade Palace Restaurant, Ngee Ann City
afternoon:
watch The Way We Were and Adam Brody's appearance on Late Night With Conan O'Brien
afternoon - evening:
taking a long look at dax's PC, inclusive one hour of Malcom In The Middle and The Simpsons
evening:
head back here to shower and restore my iPod, whose music filesystem apparently got corrupted
evening-night:
met the guys at rogue. xuan danced. yes, really. you can call me and ask for details if you don't believe me
now:
back here, way too early, tying up the loose ends i left on my PowerBook after rushing out when i was done restoring my iPod
tomorrow morning:
cousin jeffery's wedding tea-ceremony
tomorrow evening:
cousin jeffery's wedding dinner at Shangri-La Hotel
okay. i need some sleep.
brunch at Crystal Jade Palace Restaurant, Ngee Ann City
afternoon:
watch The Way We Were and Adam Brody's appearance on Late Night With Conan O'Brien
afternoon - evening:
taking a long look at dax's PC, inclusive one hour of Malcom In The Middle and The Simpsons
evening:
head back here to shower and restore my iPod, whose music filesystem apparently got corrupted
evening-night:
met the guys at rogue. xuan danced. yes, really. you can call me and ask for details if you don't believe me
now:
back here, way too early, tying up the loose ends i left on my PowerBook after rushing out when i was done restoring my iPod
tomorrow morning:
cousin jeffery's wedding tea-ceremony
tomorrow evening:
cousin jeffery's wedding dinner at Shangri-La Hotel
okay. i need some sleep.
Friday, November 12
the way we were
my PowerBook is stashed under a few pillows, inside my bedroom, because my dad is here.
he decided to come visit.
the second episode, broadcasted, ripped and ready, awaits.
i hate my father.
he decided to come visit.
the second episode, broadcasted, ripped and ready, awaits.
i hate my father.
Wednesday, November 10
the firefox has landed
Mozilla Firefox 1.0 has arrived. the entire site damn near went down at launch, i waited nearly five minutes to load the front page. then the download took forever, was five times bigger than it was supposed to be, and i had to re-download it this morning. it looks good, i already know it works excellently, but i prefer Safari. because using Firefox over Safari seems like Apple defection. and Firefox looks good, but it looks good in a iBook/iMac way. not that there's anything wrong with that, but Safari, with it aluminium skin, is more PowerBook/PowerMac. and if i can't have an aluminium phone [see below], i will damn well have an aluminium browser.
psycho aaron is open for business
if wayne turns out to have bought a V3, i will kill myself.
at least, internally.
i can't stand it. I CAN'T FUCKING STAND MY BROTHER HAVING THREE PHONES [COUNT THEM - NOKIA 7250, SONY ERICSSON T610, SONY ERICSSON K700I] IN ONE YEAR WHEN I HAVE HAD THE SAME ONE PHONE FOR THREE YEARS. I CAN'T STAND MY FATHER BEING A FUCKING BASTARD WHO CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING BUT BUYS EVERYTHING, YET HE DOESN'T INDULGE ME WHEN I WANT A NEW PHONE, WHEN MINE HAS BEEN SUBMERGED THRICE AND HAS A SPEAKERPHONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE SOUND LIKE XUAN WHISPERING INTO THE PHONE BECAUSE THE VOLUME KEY GOT BROKEN OFF WHEN MY MOM HIT ME ON THE HEAD AND I DROPPED THE PHONE. I HATE THAT WAYNE'S GOT THE ONLY PHONE I LOVE NOW, I HATE THAT HE WON'T TELL ME IF IT'S TRUE. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO GO OUT WHENEVER I WANT, EVEN IF MY MOTHER LETS ME AND PRACTICALLY WANTS ME TO GO OUT MORE. I HATE FAILING EVERYTHING, I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE MY MASTERCARD WITH THE PRACTICALLY INVAILD SIGNATURE ON THE BACK. I HATE MY AMAZAON SHOPPING CART WITH OVER A HUNDERED US DOLLARS' WORTH OF CDS IN IT. I HATE MY POWERBOOK, I HATE MY WIRELESS MOUSE. I HATE NOT HAVING MY PHONE WITH ME AND HAVING TO USE MY AUNT'S FUCKING NOKIA 3315, BUT NOT WANTING TO GET IT BACK FROM XUAN BECAUSE I NEED A REASON TO GET OUT TO WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE. I HATE EVERYTHING.
i have nothing but hate. if you don't have anything nice to say, FUCK OFF OR GO FUCK YOURSELF.
at least, internally.
i can't stand it. I CAN'T FUCKING STAND MY BROTHER HAVING THREE PHONES [COUNT THEM - NOKIA 7250, SONY ERICSSON T610, SONY ERICSSON K700I] IN ONE YEAR WHEN I HAVE HAD THE SAME ONE PHONE FOR THREE YEARS. I CAN'T STAND MY FATHER BEING A FUCKING BASTARD WHO CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING BUT BUYS EVERYTHING, YET HE DOESN'T INDULGE ME WHEN I WANT A NEW PHONE, WHEN MINE HAS BEEN SUBMERGED THRICE AND HAS A SPEAKERPHONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE SOUND LIKE XUAN WHISPERING INTO THE PHONE BECAUSE THE VOLUME KEY GOT BROKEN OFF WHEN MY MOM HIT ME ON THE HEAD AND I DROPPED THE PHONE. I HATE THAT WAYNE'S GOT THE ONLY PHONE I LOVE NOW, I HATE THAT HE WON'T TELL ME IF IT'S TRUE. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO GO OUT WHENEVER I WANT, EVEN IF MY MOTHER LETS ME AND PRACTICALLY WANTS ME TO GO OUT MORE. I HATE FAILING EVERYTHING, I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE MY MASTERCARD WITH THE PRACTICALLY INVAILD SIGNATURE ON THE BACK. I HATE MY AMAZAON SHOPPING CART WITH OVER A HUNDERED US DOLLARS' WORTH OF CDS IN IT. I HATE MY POWERBOOK, I HATE MY WIRELESS MOUSE. I HATE NOT HAVING MY PHONE WITH ME AND HAVING TO USE MY AUNT'S FUCKING NOKIA 3315, BUT NOT WANTING TO GET IT BACK FROM XUAN BECAUSE I NEED A REASON TO GET OUT TO WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE. I HATE EVERYTHING.
i have nothing but hate. if you don't have anything nice to say, FUCK OFF OR GO FUCK YOURSELF.
Sunday, November 7
w00t?
it's official. the word "woot" is now irritating. especially since it originated as "w00t" and has been "corrected" to become a "real word".
Saturday, November 6
right back where we started from
i feel very, very happy. the last time i felt this happy was, oddly enough, only two hours ago, though that was the first time in over a week, if not more. but. i just watched The Distance. and i feel lightheaded with glee and happiness. there is only one word to describe how i feel now, and that word is "squee". because that's the sound i feel like making, over and over again.
tomorrow, the super mondo party, possibly of my year. at least i'll be able to rewatch this if i freak out and melt down again. which i will try not to.
squee!
tomorrow, the super mondo party, possibly of my year. at least i'll be able to rewatch this if i freak out and melt down again. which i will try not to.
squee!
Friday, November 5
cellular
chong chorming: stop using a Nokia.
his Nokia called my mobile just now and left a very long voice message. and when i called back, he said no one did.
okay. whatever.
his Nokia called my mobile just now and left a very long voice message. and when i called back, he said no one did.
okay. whatever.
Thursday, November 4
Nokia: Emulating Others
Nokia’s new cameraphones: the 3230 and 6020 - Engadget Cellphones
i'm having trouble finishing my Design Methodology supplementary paper--mostly with finding the two thousand words needed.
so here's a snapshot of two of Nokia's lastest phones, the designs of which i find, shall we say, "interesting". the 6020 resembles a Sony Ericsson T630 with only opaque plastics [i wonder if it comes in black--what a shocker - it does.]. as for the 3230, surely i don't need to tell you what that looks like, do i?
i'm having trouble finishing my Design Methodology supplementary paper--mostly with finding the two thousand words needed.
so here's a snapshot of two of Nokia's lastest phones, the designs of which i find, shall we say, "interesting". the 6020 resembles a Sony Ericsson T630 with only opaque plastics [i wonder if it comes in black--what a shocker - it does.]. as for the 3230, surely i don't need to tell you what that looks like, do i?
the political compass
The Political Compass
i went and did this again, just to make sure.
Economic Left/Right: -2.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.64
in other news, Bush won, i missed the deadline for the Color re-sub, feel like shit, had a two-thousand word essay in front of me but got nothing into Microsoft Word, even by five AM, woke today at four-plus PM, and have sat around in bewildered confusion since.
also, does anyone else also feel that today's Straits Times front page article is rather Bush-biased? i only skimmed it, because one cannot look at a photograph like that for any extended period of time without developing a medical condition of some sort, but that's the vibe i got. from several seconds' skimming.
aren't the balls getting a little heavy, Singapore?
i went and did this again, just to make sure.
Economic Left/Right: -2.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.64
in other news, Bush won, i missed the deadline for the Color re-sub, feel like shit, had a two-thousand word essay in front of me but got nothing into Microsoft Word, even by five AM, woke today at four-plus PM, and have sat around in bewildered confusion since.
also, does anyone else also feel that today's Straits Times front page article is rather Bush-biased? i only skimmed it, because one cannot look at a photograph like that for any extended period of time without developing a medical condition of some sort, but that's the vibe i got. from several seconds' skimming.
aren't the balls getting a little heavy, Singapore?
Wednesday, November 3
welcome to stepford
The Play Pen for My Thoughts: The Trophy Wife
i'm sorry, but, ondine? this just sounds really, if pretentiously, cool.
in other news: it appers W is winning. sad.
i'm sorry, but, ondine? this just sounds really, if pretentiously, cool.
in other news: it appers W is winning. sad.
duosyllabic phrases
i have finished my Communicating Design Ideas re-submission paper, which is due in nine-and-a-half hours.
i feel like i spent a year writing it, it was so hard to really concentrate.
i need to go to sleep, now, possibly listening to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
i feel like i spent a year writing it, it was so hard to really concentrate.
i need to go to sleep, now, possibly listening to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
Monday, November 1
if you really love me, you'll let me go home
the last time i went to xuan's, two Saturdays ago, i stuck my neck out. i told my first aunt i was going to celebrate three friends' birthdays, and i would be back late that night.
of course, i stayed over and came back the next afternoon. wiped out from matt's drinks and depressed, i took a shower and asked when my first aunt would arrive for dinner, because i wanted to take a nap. rosemarie said she didn't know, but i could just go ahead and lie down.
i woke up past seven PM. i found a text message on my phone from my second aunt, telling me to explain to first aunt that it rained heavily that night, and my friend's mom told me to stay the night, so i called back here and asked if i should, to which my second aunt told me i should, none of which was true. my aunt was already there, and she mildly berated me for not telling her that i wasn't coming back here that same night.
later on she spoke with my aunt-of-sorts and it was decided that if i was going to stay out past midnight or stay over elsewhere, either she or my mom should know, "in case anything should happen to me". my aunt-of-sorts came over to my room after and told me what happened, then also told me she'd called here from Malaysia five times that morning and afternoon, reminding rosemarie that my first aunt would be here, at five-thirty, for dinner. i don't know what the implications of her choosing not to tell me that when i asked her were, but i chose to just let it go. no point dragging up even more ugliness. that was nuclear fallout one.
the in-between was me finding out i'd failed six of my seven modules and being assigned six re-submissions; also, though no one told me until Saturday, my father came back.
last Saturday i decided to sod it all and arrange to go to rouge. out of everyone i asked--wayne, jensen, matt and xuan--only jensen didn't decline or cancel. so jensen and i went alone. it was a pretty good time, slightly marred by the notice of my father's return courtesy of my mother, until jensen's parents decided to go out and get him. after an odd time of events i ended up meeting his parents and having supper with me, talking about school, L.A., Las Vegas, Disneyland, cancer, old age, and many other things i can no longer remember. then, because jensen lived in Serangoon, his parents gave me a lift back to Chuan Park. i'd called Geylang and told them already, to which my aunt-of-sorts questioned the wiseness of going home when my father was there.
the next day my mom, my two sisters, my brother and i went to a sort-of housewarming at my grandparents-in-law's place in Toa Payoh. they moved out from my first uncle-in-law's after a huge argument/fight. my grandfather has had his foot amputated since i last saw him in hospital, and was in a wheelchair. my grandparents-in-law now live alone.
the same morning my dad came over here and spoke loudly of how late i got back the night before, when he didn't see me coming back at all, and i wouldn't even have entertained the idea of going back if jensen's parents weren't offereing a lift.
at five PM my aunt-of-sorts called, asked about where i was, told me my aunt was coming back for dinner, but it should be okay, i should go back to Chuan Park and come back to Geylang tomorrow. we got back home pretty late that night, my father smoking in the living room.
today i come back here, caught in and soaked to the skin by the all-out thunderstorm, to Geylang. it appears my first aunt was questioning my absence last night, when she came back from dinner after coming back from Milan. she also questioned the wiseness of leaving the house when my re-submission period wasn't over yet. now that i'm here, i'll see her when she comes over for dinner tonight.
having read all that, though, you still won't know how i feel at this exact moment until you've spent the time to steam-iron a shirt, shower, dress, head out, and then have to rush all the way through a thunderstorm, to keep up appearances.
i'm fucking sick of living here.
of course, i stayed over and came back the next afternoon. wiped out from matt's drinks and depressed, i took a shower and asked when my first aunt would arrive for dinner, because i wanted to take a nap. rosemarie said she didn't know, but i could just go ahead and lie down.
i woke up past seven PM. i found a text message on my phone from my second aunt, telling me to explain to first aunt that it rained heavily that night, and my friend's mom told me to stay the night, so i called back here and asked if i should, to which my second aunt told me i should, none of which was true. my aunt was already there, and she mildly berated me for not telling her that i wasn't coming back here that same night.
later on she spoke with my aunt-of-sorts and it was decided that if i was going to stay out past midnight or stay over elsewhere, either she or my mom should know, "in case anything should happen to me". my aunt-of-sorts came over to my room after and told me what happened, then also told me she'd called here from Malaysia five times that morning and afternoon, reminding rosemarie that my first aunt would be here, at five-thirty, for dinner. i don't know what the implications of her choosing not to tell me that when i asked her were, but i chose to just let it go. no point dragging up even more ugliness. that was nuclear fallout one.
the in-between was me finding out i'd failed six of my seven modules and being assigned six re-submissions; also, though no one told me until Saturday, my father came back.
last Saturday i decided to sod it all and arrange to go to rouge. out of everyone i asked--wayne, jensen, matt and xuan--only jensen didn't decline or cancel. so jensen and i went alone. it was a pretty good time, slightly marred by the notice of my father's return courtesy of my mother, until jensen's parents decided to go out and get him. after an odd time of events i ended up meeting his parents and having supper with me, talking about school, L.A., Las Vegas, Disneyland, cancer, old age, and many other things i can no longer remember. then, because jensen lived in Serangoon, his parents gave me a lift back to Chuan Park. i'd called Geylang and told them already, to which my aunt-of-sorts questioned the wiseness of going home when my father was there.
the next day my mom, my two sisters, my brother and i went to a sort-of housewarming at my grandparents-in-law's place in Toa Payoh. they moved out from my first uncle-in-law's after a huge argument/fight. my grandfather has had his foot amputated since i last saw him in hospital, and was in a wheelchair. my grandparents-in-law now live alone.
the same morning my dad came over here and spoke loudly of how late i got back the night before, when he didn't see me coming back at all, and i wouldn't even have entertained the idea of going back if jensen's parents weren't offereing a lift.
at five PM my aunt-of-sorts called, asked about where i was, told me my aunt was coming back for dinner, but it should be okay, i should go back to Chuan Park and come back to Geylang tomorrow. we got back home pretty late that night, my father smoking in the living room.
today i come back here, caught in and soaked to the skin by the all-out thunderstorm, to Geylang. it appears my first aunt was questioning my absence last night, when she came back from dinner after coming back from Milan. she also questioned the wiseness of leaving the house when my re-submission period wasn't over yet. now that i'm here, i'll see her when she comes over for dinner tonight.
having read all that, though, you still won't know how i feel at this exact moment until you've spent the time to steam-iron a shirt, shower, dress, head out, and then have to rush all the way through a thunderstorm, to keep up appearances.
i'm fucking sick of living here.
"i just want to go home
the novelty has worn off, we are
not amused any more
if you really love me
you'll let me go home
i just want to escape
i'm stuck in a Kodak moment
with people in the future, albeit
if you really love me
won't you let me go home?
i just want to go home
i ran all the way home"
- "I Ran All The Way Home", Black Box Recorder
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